Finding Our Way

It's been a really good weekend - I feel like I'm starting to make sense of things.  As I mentioned at the end of Friday's post, Structure v Autonomy, a friend pointed me in the direction of a really helpful blog about what the author, Melissa Wiley, calls "Tidal Homeschooling", where home education flows in seasons, at times led by the mother/ educator on projects that she leads them all on, and at other times led by the children's freedom to explore and mull over things that appeal to them.  The post may have been a few years old, but I read it at exactly the right time for me!  In the post there is a link to all of the Tidal Homeschooling posts that followed the original, and they were also really helpful.  One in particular caused a lovely penny-dropping moment.  It was while reading her post Tidal Homeschooling, Part 3.  I recommend reading the whole post as I found it all so beneficial - but the bit that impacted me the most was a quote that obviously similarly impacted her...

“The adults in the child’s life,” writes the Headmistress, referencing Charlotte Mason,

"have the ‘power of appeal and inspiration,’ and the responsibility to act ‘the part of guide, philosopher and friend’ to these young people with wonderful minds but no knowledge to speak of.
“Or… we can just abandon them to their uninformed judgment about what’s important and what isn’t, leave them to their own devices, and allow them to believe that their own judgment about what is and is not important to know is just as well informed and solid an opinion as Mortimer Adler’s, Thomas Jefferson’s, Peter’s, Paul’s, or…. yours. Leaving children to pick up what scraps of knowledge they think to ask about, willy nilly, is not doing them any favors. It isn’t respectful of their situation as newcomers to the world or to the adults they will grow up to be. And if we don’t do our job as the adults in their lives when they are small, the adults they grow up to be will have a malnourished background upon which to build.’ "
 

Reading that was like coming home!  It was like somebody had put their finger right on the area that had been niggling away at me since we started exploring Home Education and trying to find a balance that works for us. Once I read the above quote, and the subsequent comments made by the blogger, about the importance of guiding your children (in an autonomous setting that usually involves strewing interesting books, TV documentaries, day trips, experiences etc across their paths, that they would most likely otherwise not have noticed - and seeing what they choose to pick up and run with), I realised that at times I had fallen into the trap of thinking that autonomous education is about just leaving the children to it (it's not) - and it was at those times that I started craving more structure as it's the only way I am familiar with of leading.   

So clearly, for me now it is not so much about structure v autonomy as it is about parent-led v child-led.  And I have given us permission to be a delightful mixture of both.  Tidal learners in fact (thank you, Melissa Wiley) - at times led by Mummy's (and Daddy's) ideas of what they might enjoy or what would be good for them to be exposed to, with all the enthusiasm and fun we can infuse into whatever it is - and at times led by their own choices and decisions on what they would like to learn more about - with plenty of time just to mull over and play.

*Big sigh of relief*  I feel like my head is back where it needs to be!  Such a relief! Thank you for still reading and being patient while I sorted my thoughts out!

So anyway,  having given myself permission to be more pro-active in their learning (I know, it's embarrassing the silly muddles I can get myself in), I had one-on-one chats with the older boys on Saturday (I have no qualms about Youngest currently), to find out what they think about what we're doing.  It turns out one of the things they miss from school is "Merit Box": a box of small toys and treats that they would 'buy' with the merits they had earned for good work or behaviour during the week.  Much as I don't like a system that invariably falls into unhealthy comparisons (the "good" children always getting more merits than the "naughty" ones), I don't want to deny them something they enjoy - so we have started a small treasure box with the left over party favours from Middle's birthday (chocolate coins, glowsticks etc) - and now we just need to agree on what basis they get the treasure...

Also, I showed Eldest some lapbooks that friends had been kind enough to post online for me to see.  Well, he couldn't wait to start making one - about ocean life, unsurprisingly - but he wants it to be a big one, with chapters - so I taped a few square files together to give him ten pages to fill.  He has already designed and printed the cover, printed some photos and written the 'chapter' on endangered fish. When I say chapter, it was a sentence or two with photos under flaps, but it's his, and he's enthusiastic about it (and he's learning while researching) - so I'm happy!

Whe I asked Middle what he wanted to learn about his smile vanished and shoulders slumped.  "Oh poo" I thought - "he really is still deschooling".  I hastily changed the 'schoolish' terminology of "learning" and reassured him I meant was there anything he was interested in finding out about.  He thought seriously for a moment and then his face brightened a bit and he said, "we-ell, I could do about growing!" (still thinking in terms of having to perform).  I asked if he'd like to get some frogspawn later on and watch it grow into frogs, and he got much happier and started describing a "circle with arrows" (lifecycle) picture that he wanted to draw... and hopped down and ran off to draw just that.  When I showed him the lapbooks online his response was not so enthusiastic as Eldest (Middle seeing it as work to be done), but when I provided him with a folder today to stick his drawings in, he was very keen.  I just need to remember that with him it's all about momentum: just get him interested and the rest follows; if you present a task up front he finds it off-putting, regardless of how much he would actually enjoy it in practice.

So hopefully I'll have some lap-book photos to share in my next post - but for now, I just feel a lot happier that my head is settled and my boys are enthusiastic learners once more - we're still mooching round the woods, (see A Little Wobble from last week) but not feeling so direction-less any more... we're meandering wth purposeful enjoyment once again!

Rollercoaster Days

It's been a funny week so far.  Some of it really pants, and some of it heart-warmingly lovely.

The horrible bits have largely revolved around me: my stress; me losing my temper; my guilt at shouting at the boys... with other challenges thrown in such as one boy drawing on the beige stair carpet with lead pencil, another boy having a complete hissy fit over something apparently tiny, and general sibling squabbles and other petty problems as well. 

BUT, as another HE Mum whose blog I love posted earlier this week, in One Of Those Days, it's how you deal with horrible days/ weeks that makes the difference.  So if I focus on the positives and brag slightly on my boys, it's not because I want you to feel inadequate (I REALLY don't!): it's because to focus on the negatives would depress me and make things worse.  I don't want to live in denial, or try to maintain an illusion of perfection - I just want to acknowledge the rotten stuff, try to learn from it - and then focus on the good stuff and acknowledge that actually, despite the stuff that I get wrong, every day that we home educate is a good day.

By the way, a lovely quote for those of you who find HE blogs discouraging at times...

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" - Steve Furtick

So on our manic Monday, after I had a sudden and stressful need to clean the house top-to-bottom (obviously apart from the room that all the mess was shoved into!), and after the carpet graffiti 'artist' had had a long enough time-out for me to calm down, followed by him trying to clean the carpet himself (lesson in consequences of destructive behaviour - I did help him after he'd realised the seriousness of what he'd done), and after the mega tantrum had passed, and peace was restored... after all that stress, we had quite a nice afternoon: the house was now beautifully tidy, and I felt the need for a nice cosy time, for all of our sakes... so we snuggled up together on the sofa and watched a Christmas Movie with popcorn and no lights on except the twinkling tree.  Oh it was lovely: such a peace-restoring time... and actually, it was the first time this year that I have taken time to breathe deeply and enjoy the beginning of the festive season, gathering my precious ones around me and indulging in the warmth of our family closeness as we make plans and celebrate Christmas.

Tuesday started well: we were all up early, dressed and looking forward to the last Craft Club of the season - we even made some gingerbread cookies to share there.  Then we got in the car - and it wouldn't start.  Flat battery.  We were all really upset, but nothing could be done.  A taxi would have been too expensive; going by bus was too involved - by the time we got there it would have been time to come home.  So after dealing with tears and pouting, I decided we would go out for a walk to blow the cobwebs away (it was a lovely mild day) - so we walked through the local lanes to the smallholding where we buy our free-range eggs (proper free-range, not the sort that claim to be free-range in supermarkets but turn out to be a con).  Eggs purchased, we strolled home again, talked to the horses in the fields, planning Middle's birthday party next month, and I just enjoyed having Youngest's little hand in mine, while listening to Eldest and Middle have a really lovely brotherly conversation.  Peace was restored.

Home again, and having stressed myself (and the boys) silly the day before, trying to get the house immaculate, I did what any normally insane person would do: I got the glitter out (and some stencils, metallic markers etc).  Oh my goodness, we had a good time!  I deliberately made no plans, set no expectations - didn't even tell them not to waste the glitter (after all, I had bought two big tubs of it, and we're not likely to use it again this year)... we just got creative and had fun.  There was so much glitter over the bench that Youngest stood up in it and made like a camel doing a happy little sand dance.  It didn't even take that long to clean up again afterwards!  It was such a happy time, even finding the glitter today that has spread to every corner of the house makes me smile.

 

 Middle's "Christmas" and "Tree"

 

   

 Eldest's "Christmas Fish" and "Macaroni Penguins"

 

 Youngest's "Do Not Disturb" (apparently) and "Candle"

Today has happily been a bit less tempestuous.  There has been more time to notice the 'little' things from the week so far.  For example today's word play, first making a Christmas crossword on the fridge out of magnetic letters, and then a game that Eldest and Middle love, where every word has to start with the same letter (inlcuding names) - so if everything starts with P, they would call me Pummy, eating a Panana etc. Youngest (age 4) has always hated this game, especially if his brothers changed his name, but today when they played it he suddenly 'got it', and was delighted to change everyone's names, working them out for himself - he especially loved it when he got to call me 'Dummy', 'Bummy' 'Gummy' etc. He just suddenly clicked with letter sounds as components of whole words. That's proper literacy right there - but they were all just having fun playing a game (as it should be)! 

Eldest was "bored" at one point, but instead of moaning at me to find entertainment for him (he seems to have learned that that usually results in him being asked to tidy his room - spot Mummy's cunning ploy), he disappeared off to his room and invented a game that is a kind of cross between chess and Gogos (cheap weird plastic collectible figures).  He calls it 'Gogo chess', and although the name may not be very inventive, the game certainly is.  It has clear rules and is kind of and is absorbing to play... clever chappie!

And Middle has totally grown in confidence with his drawing.  He rarely wants to colour his creations in - I'm not sure if that's our of preference or because he runs out of steam, but regardless, his pictures are increasingly noticeably in detail, and more importantly, he loves it - he's found his 'happy place' - ie sat at a table (or on the floor, or leaning on a book), with a pen/ pencil in hand, drawing a picture.

  

  

 

There's another blog that I follow, and the author posted this week about criticism that she had received making her re-evaluate her home education/ lifestyle, in Still Learning.  Readers here will know how little time I have for the 'shoulds', aka, other people's narrow-minded judgements (or our own subconscious ones) on our parenting/ education/ life choices - but this lovely blogger goes further and states the things that she does value about their life.  I encourage you to have a read, it's really uplifting.  Sometimes the things that people think are important, turn out to be the least important.  And I'm not just saying that because I'm a fan of hers who aspires to a similar lifestyle!

Over all then, it's been such an up-and-down few days - a proper rollercoaster (no, I am NOT the rollercoaster-enjoying type), and it got me thinking.  We can have days that I rate as rubbish because it's too easy to fall back into schoolteacher mode, and I wobble, and make the mistake of comparing the 'labours' (or lack of) of our HE day with the labours of a typical school day - but nowadays I am getting quicker at ignoring that out-dated 'teacher-voice' because when I think of the lesson plans that I have written in the past, all of them always focused around one main point that I wanted the children to remember or achieve, if nothing else.  And if they could get that one point in a few minutes, what was the point in the rest of the lesson? (was it to fill time while their class-mates also got it? was it to keep reiterating it in different ways to make sure it really goes in, in case they weren't paying full attention?)  I look back at my own time at school and think about what I actually learned.  I learned that I'm rubbish at History, Science, Geography, Art, average at Maths, and ok with English and languages  (notice it is all performance-based, nothing to do with what did I love or what inspired me and brought me to life).  The facts that I learned I have largely forgotten - and if you ask Joe Public what he was taught at school, chances are you'll get the same response: "nothing much".  We remember the teachers, and how they made us feel.  we remember the bad ones who made us feel lower than low, and we remember the good ones, who encouraged us to reach for the stars, to believe in ourselves.  But do we remember, do my students remember those 'key points' that were the focus of each lesson plan?  Not often (and I really tried to be an inspiring teacher).  All of which brings me full-circle to now, home educating my own children.  To be frank, their appetite for learning far exceeds my ability to "teach" - and that being the case, I just need to make sure they have the resources they need to go as far as they like, unhindered by the 'single-point' focus of a lesson-plan.  If my boys are inspired and take just a few minutes to learn one piece of information or grasp a new concept or get absorbed in a new experience, why should I expect them to then spend the rest of their day in a forced learning environment?  Quite simply, there is no need.  If they then want to go on learning as much as they can about one subject, why would I try to restrict them to my idea of what they ought to achieve in one session?  Again, there is no need.  The Home Ed lark really makes a lot of sense.

Wow, what was a lengthy post!  I'll stop now... thank you for sticking with me through my rambles! 

Parenting Check-Up

Today I finally sent off my (scathing) response to the Welsh Assembly consultation on making the registration of Home Educators compulsory.  I'm a great believer in the Edmund Burke quote,
"All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing"
 - so even though I'm a bit embarrassed to have left it until the last minute (it closes tomorrow), I'm glad I've done it at last.  No, I don't live in Wales, but apart from the fact that if it is made law there, our own goverment are more likely to try again here sooner rather than later, it's just wrong.  Nobody should have to fight a state system for the fundamental right to bring their children up in the way they see is best. 
I don't get how people are so willing to hand over their rights and responsibilities.  There was an article a while back (apologies for the lack of link - I can't find it now, but I don't think I dreamt it!) where Mr Gove came up with another ridiculous plan to have every school child undergo an annual health check-up... all under the guise of "safeguarding".  I am beginning to strongly dislike that word - it is used to prey on all of our genuine concern for the children out there who are being abused and seem to be slipping through the system, but instead of addressing the real problem, which is a welfare service issue - it has been increasingly foisted onto the education system, as that is the only place where most of the nation's children can be observed.  And that is often why home educators are viewed with such suspicion - why would we take our children out of school if we didn't have something to hide?  Uh, well actually it's because the education system is failing almost as badly as the welfare system, and we are best equipped to provide our children with the individualised care and education that they need - but anyway, back to Michael Gove's silly proposal.  The thing is, I've worked in enough schools to know that the staff already know which children give cause for concern.  They don't need a health check-up to have suspicions alerted.  This is just one more tool in the arsenal at the social services' disposal, giving them the right to remove a child from their family if they see fit.  And the real problem I have is that this can often be down to the judgement (or misjudgement) of one person.  Because it's a safeguarding issue, though, we all bleat and go along with it, agreeing that it must be best to be monitored.  I have this nightmare that the way things are going, we're going to end up with this ideal picture of parenthood, and if we differ too widely from that, we will be judged even more harshly than we already are.  All you have to do is go onto a parenting website to see that although there are different opinions on childcare, there is a generally accepted consensus about the "best" way to parent.  Consider this questionnaire which is my take on public-opinion type judgementalism that I have found online and elsewhere, and then tell me if you have no idea what I'm talking about...

Section A - during pregnancy
1/  Did you smoke? (-1)
2/ Did you drink? (-1)
3/  Did you eat any of the foods that happen to be prohibited in pregnancy at that particular time? (-1 for each type of prohibited food)
4/  Did you do drugs? (-10)
5/  Did you talk to your unborn child? (+1)
6/ Did you attend every ante-natal clinic? (+1 for every clinic attended)
7/ Did you play Mozart to your belly? (+3 smug points)
8/  Did you find out the sex of your baby before birth? (-1)
9/  Did you join the NCT? (+1)

Section B - birth
1/ Did you give birth lying down? (-1)
2/ Did you have gas and air? (-1)
3/ Did you have stronger pain-killing drugs? (-3)
4/ Did you have a caesarian? (-3: sorry, but you know that's the way people are)
5/ Did you have an elective caesarian? (-10, however valid the reason)
6/ Did you make any noise? (-1 to -5, depending on volume - and that's me scuppered!)
7/  Was your partner present? (+1, even if he complained at the noise/ waiting/ lack of food/ pain caused by you squeezing his hand)

Section C - early years
1/  Did you breastfeed? (+10)
2/  Did you co-sleep? (-5)
3/  Did you put baby on their front to sleep? (-20)
4/  Did you go back to work? (-5)
5/  Did you wean them onto solids at 6months or later (+1)
6/  Did you feed them their allotted five-a-day? (+1, but -20 if you have no idea what I'm talking about)
7/  Did you ever give them crisps, biscuits or sweets? (-1)

Section D - school years
1/  Did you get your child into the best (as in 'Outstanding') local school? (+1, even though it really wasn't your decision)
2/  Did you help your child with their homework? (0 points - it's the least you could do)
3/  Did you do your child's homework for them to save them stress and get their scores up, cos you know they can do it when not overworked/ under pressure) (+1, I'm not kidding)
4/  Did you join the PTA/ Board of Governors? (+5 smug points)
8/  Did you fork out money you couldn't afford for every school trip and after-school club? (0 - again, the least you could do)
9/  Was your child the lead role in the Christmas pantomime? (+1, but only if they were also immaculately presented AND smiling in their school photographs)
10/ Did you home educate? (-50)

DISCLAIMER: The above is a complete load of tosh.  The above is not permitted to be replicated anywhere without said disclaimer. 
The fact is, there are many different ways to parent, and many different reasons for parenting in different ways - because there are many different types of children - and THAT IS A GOOD THING!  But the way our governement - our country - are going, I don't think it's beyond the realm of possibilities that we could end up being assessed on this scale.  And what if, like me, you ended up in minus figures?  Should we expect a visit from Social Services?

I wasn't going to write any of this today - I was just going to mention the Welsh consultation briefly before getting on to the interesting stuff - but that's going to have to wait until next time now.  I blame you lot - you got me going!  Nah, not really - but I am tempted to blame the government and the people who go along with their ideas without stopping to consider that as parents we are in a process of handing our rights over to people who don't know our children.

PS, I'm sorry to do this to you, but for those of you who think I'm over-reacting and exaggerating to score some kind of cheap point, check out this link - it's Scotland's National Risk Framework to Support the Assessment of Children and Young People.  If you're in Scotland, every professional you come across is already gathering 'tick-box' information about your children.  Come to think of it, how do I know they aren't doing the same here?  See how many boxes you tick, and then tell me you're OK with it.

And you think I'M mad...?

The Education System in this country is in crisis.  Insanity rules.  Take three stories from this week's news:

1 - Problem: school standards are slipping. Solution: introduce "rigorous" testing of those wanting to undergo teacher training, implying no confidence in the dedicated, over-worked and under-supported teachers we already have in place (well, Michael Gove did call them "whingers"), and also contradicting the bizarre recent suggestions that state schools should be free to employ unqualified teachers...?
2 - Problem: innocent children are being bombarded with highly sexualised images etc (you just have to watch an MTV track to acknowlege the soft porn that is rampant in just the popular music industry).  Solution: introduce 'porn' lessons in school (yes, even primary school) to help children learn to handle it!!!  I've had two days to process this particular piece of reporting and I'm still almost speechless at the stupidity of the suggestion.
3 - Problem: Ten thousand students were unfairly graded below a 'C' in their English GCSEs, negatively affecting their further education & career choices.  Solution: Do nothing about it, resulting in the exam boards being taken to court by an alliance of schools and councils, who continue to use the same exam boards while taking legal action against them!
I know many people think Home Educators are at best brave/ mad or at worst negligent/ abusive for keeping their children out of the state education system - but when I see news reports like this, I do feel vindicated.  The mischievous side of me sees a bizarre conspiracy theory: perhaps Mr Gove & pals are actually in favour of Home Education after all, and are doing their best to provoke parents to leave the struggling state system...

On a more personal level, I am glad to report we all survived Manic Week.  More than that - we all enjoyed it.  And most miraculously of all, my house survived too: I don't have to spend this weekend tidying and cleaning - now there's a result!  We're looking forward to a slightly less busy week next week... returning to our more typical HE life.  Of course, the boys have still been learning even while we've been socialising and having our version of 'half-term'.  We've had lots of reading, diary/ letter writing, drawing, exercising, creating, role play, counting - and lots and lots of playing.  Today at one point they were investigating how many revolting words they could spell out with the fridge magnets, prompted by Middle who usually leaves me loving little messages but today called me to the kitchen with suppressed giggles in anticipation of Mummy's reaction to the word he had spelled out - "vomit". He was thrilled when I dutifully hammed up my disgusted response, so of course had to work out more words to gross me out, with help from his co-conspirators!

Well, I'm off to pluck my eyebrows, lest tomorrow's photos show two hairy caterpillars crawling underneath my newly immaculate sleek & glossy fringe...  Happy weekend, everyone :)

PS just for you:  quote of the week -

"Education is a social process; education is growth; education is not a preparation for life but is life itself"
 - John Dewey

Deschooling Top-up

So, following on from my ponderings over structure/ suggestions/ screen-restrictions etc...

The only conclusion I am prepared to make so far is that we need a little time to top-up on our deschooling.  I am fully prepared to admit that it is I who needs more deschooling, rather than the boys - but hey, they're not going to complain if I back-off on my expectations a bit.  I still don't think we are very structured on a daily basis, but I caught myself thinking something that shocked me a bit & made me realise how much deschooling I still need (or maybe not deschooling, maybe just a slap round the head with a wet kipper...).  Prepare yourselves, perfect parents, for a shocking admission.  I was mulling over the whole quandrary of whether or not to restrict TV; whether or not to set expectations of even a small amount of time on curricular work; whether to suggest activities or let them find their own learning fun... and while it was all spinning round inside my head, I heard the thought flit across my brain: "but how do I make them learn anything?"  Aaarrrggghhh!  That is totally NOT what I want for me or my boys.  I don't want to MAKE them learn - in fact, I don't think it's even possible to MAKE someone learn something.  I suppose certain facts can be artificially imposed onto one's conscious thought by mind-numbing repetition and brain-washing - but that is not what I mean by learning.  Learning is experiential - it is expanding how we think, by way of new surroundings/ materials/ scenarios, by being exposed to different people, different ways of thinking...  and I do believe all of that -  so where did this insecure little mini-dictator spring from inside me?

Some may call this a wobble - and I do understand that the 'wobbles' are a normal part of Home Educating, that come in all sorts of guises.  Well - mostly normal: I have one friend who never seems to wobble - I think it has something to do with the fact that she was home educated herself as a child - and she just seems to radiate this confidence that her boys will be fine - because she knows she is fine, after all she survived Home Ed without being socially unskilled or incapable of finding a career :)  I would love that confidence, rather than the feeling that to Home Educate is to reinvent the wheel!  I am absolutely confident that Home Education is completely right for our family - it's just un-nerving to have little mini-dictators appearing in one's inner thought life! So, my way of dealing with my wobbly dictator (hmm, interesting image) is to ignore it.  Not deny that it is there, but pay it no attention, as to focus on it would be the quickest way to go up my own exhaust-pipe.

So my plan is as stated, to deschool myself a little more - back off on the small amount of restrictions, suggestions & expectations that we have - and just spend a week or so just enjoying my boys and reminding myself why we chose to Home Educate them.  Instead of focusing on what they are/ are not doing academically, I will celebrate their achievements and focus on true learning - giving them space to push past any boredom, discover their own enthusiasm and just value my time with them - what better gift can I give them than to enjoy being with them and enjoy what they are enjoying?  What can they possibly learn that is more important than to know that they are valuable just as they are, and that the things that they care about really do matter...

I quite like this wobble - i'm looking forward to the week ahead now :)

PS Having just read this blog post - Remember You're a Parent (Ross Mountney), the whole blog seemed to confirm what I have been thinking - thanks Ross! - and her last sentence really resonated with me: "it’s relationships that build happy and educative lives!"  How blessed I am, that I get to invest in relationships with my children.  That, above any educational philosophy, is the thing that will set my children up for a successful life :)

Not-so-helpful Suggestions...

Much as I love our little routine that we've been getting into, I feel it needs a tweak.  The problem is, where we've had a "no TV or games console until after lunch" rule, it seems to have created a false appetite for those things that I don't remember being there before.  Or maybe it was there - I can't remember if they actually watched a lot of TV & played on the Wii a lot over the holidays, or if that's just how it felt at the time...?! Anyway, regardless of that, we do now have the rule in place, and it does seem that as soon as we have lunch, the TV now goes on automatically.  So I'm just wondering: have I brought that about by having the rule in the first place?  You know how it goes: if you tell a child "don't touch that" they are immediately tempted to touch whatever it is, even though they may not have even noticed it before.  Perhaps by restricting TV access I have made them more aware of its appeal...?
Further to this, I have also noticed that they have not been so forthcoming with their own ideas of things they want to do as they were before the summer.  I have a feeling this has something to do with the slight structure that we have in place.  I ask them to do a bit (about an hour in total) of MathsWhizz and Reading Eggs every week - but other than that we are generally fairly unstructured.  Also, I've been making more suggestions this 'term', which is more of a habit than a structure but still significant.  You see, when they first came out of school they found it very hard to think of what they wanted to do - they were totally used to having entertainment/ learning processes set in front of them.  Through the deschooling process they learned more about themselves and where their interests actually lay: they learned how to think for themselves - they worked out what they wanted to learn about, and just got on with exploring, finding, enjoying etc - and we all loved it.  This term (our first real term of HE if you discount the deschooling) I have asked very little of them, but have made suggestions based largely on things they have previously mentioned or things that I think will interest them.  I saw it as a kind of verbal strewing - just putting the ideas out there and seeing what the children pick up on.  To be honest though - they generally like anything I suggest (I do try to suggest fun things!); we have been busy, learned lots and had lots of fun.  I am just a little concerned that they aren't thinking for themselves so much again, but rather depending on my suggestions before lunch & reverting to screen time after lunch.  It's certainly not a disaster as far as Home Education goes - but it is food for thought.
So I'm off again - pondering; musing - not wobbling exactly, just considering... and thinking we may have our 'half-term' now: we have a VERY busy two weeks coming up anyway, so we may just use that time to back right off from any structure again, and see what happens.  I don't want to extend the 'no TV' hours, or ban it totally, but I really do want to encourage them away from depending on it to entertain them. (Learning on the TV is another matter - we love that!) We currently have nothing at all planned for half-term, so maybe we'll resume a bit of structure then - it depends what I learn from the next week or two...

Meanwhile we've been having a lovely week.  Craft club on Tuesday saw the boys painting the clay models they made earlier this month, and then making "fossils" (as they called them) out of clay, plaster-of-paris, and little toy creatures.  Their clay models are being re-fired, but we were able to bring the fossils home - and today we used a paint-wash to give them a bit of colour (one of just two suggestions that Mummy made today).  The boys are all really pleased; they look great :)

  

     Middle's "Fossils"                                Eldest's "Fossils"  

 

Youngest's "Fossils"

Yesterday we went to visit some new HE friends, and had a really good time with them.  It took up most of the day, so we had no time for anything else, but we didn't care - it was just lovely for me to see the boys socialising so easily... and of course, Mummy and the other grown-ups had a lovely natter too!  I realised that one of the things I have really appreciated since we started our journey has been the support of people around us who haven't tried to tell us what to do (even when the experienced Home Ed'ors could doubtless see all of my naive mistakes right here in my blog), but have just stood alongside us and encouraged us that we could find the right way for us. Thank you everyone!

Today has been lovely too.  Apart from the fossil paint-washing, my only other suggestion (I am going to try not to make them for the time being) was to ask Eldest if he still wanted to do some baking (he did) as I had some soured cream to use up, so we made some gorgeous Cinnamon Squares - it made the kitchen smell all Christmassy and we got to eat cake at lunch-time - hoorah!

Also today Middle has been making different types of paper aeroplane.  He has somehow memorised how to make four different types ('bug', 'dart', 'glider' and 'super-cool short plane'!) - three of which were in a book he had months ago, and one of his own invention.  I am really impressed that he's remembered all the differently precise folds - but he's such a visual person, I needn't really be surprised.  He even taught our lodger how to make her first paper plane this morning!  Now that's mastery - when you can impart a skill that you have learned to someone else!

As I deliberately stepped back from making suggestions today, the boys found their own activities - and there was a LOT of imaginative play going on today - Middle and Youngest spent a lovely long time playing with playdough, making all sorts of things - meals, planets, animals and using them in role-play.  Eldest spent a long time in his room, making things with his lego and orchestrating battles etc.  Once upon a time my teacher-brain would not have handled them "just playing" like that (except for maybe Youngest), but the further we go on this journey, the more I see how vital it is: for them to be able to explore in their own worlds causes all the little neurons in their brains to make new connections, and can lead to who-knows-how-many fascinating discoveries.  This is genuine learning.  As Albert Einstein said,

"Imagination is more important than knowledge"
 

It is not an indulgence, nor is it a cop-out to try to justify them playing as if we feel they "should" be studying (in a more academically acceptable way): it is VITAL  that we allow our children the space for imaginative play.  How else can we provide them with the opportunity to naturally expand their minds?  Feeding them facts is OK if that is what they are interested in, but in encouraging them to explore their imaginations and the world around them, we are presenting them with endless possibilities.  Another one from Einstein:

"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent or absorbing positive knowledge"

Finally, speaking of Neurons, I thought I'd share Eldest's quiz question for Daddy that he left stuck to his bedroom door yesterday:

For those who didn't already know, the answer is (a) - and I tell you what: if we have that many neurons, and learning new things causes them to connect in new way, no wonder I can feel my brain stretching!

Tidying Up (but not too much)

Just a quick one today...
My laptop charger cable died a sudden death yesterday evening without me noticing until my laptop was out of power :(  I am grateful to have our ancient old PC in the study/ learning room - but the boys are usually on it, & it's pretty slow, poor old thing!  Anyway, I'm hoping my new charger cable will arrive soon - I feel lost without my laptop (probably a sign that I rely on it way too much)!

Today we're having another lovely lazy Monday - just to uphold the stories about HE kids doing school in their pyjamas ;)  Youngest and I made some brownies first thing (sorry, no laptop = no new photos), and then the boys took it in turns on the computer, either on MathsWhizz or Reading Eggs.  The rest of this morning has been spent mainly having a good clear-out of their bedrooms, that now look MUCH better!  They also helped with sorting washing, making lunch & general tidying (I think we even have a bit more space to put some books away in now), and once Middle and Youngest's bedroom was tidy, they had a lovely time turning their now-visible carpet into a safari park with all the toy animals we had found :)  Youngest also made some sticker pictures, and Eldest and I checked eBay where he is currently trying to sell off some of his much-loved lego in order to buy an even more loved Star Wars Wii game.  It's a great lesson for him in Maths, not to forget beginners' level finances, marketing, business studies etc.  I was a bit sad when he told me the other day he's 'grown out of' Lego Atlantis (he used to be passionate about it) - but I have to accept that he's growing up, and I was really glad that he was open to the idea of selling some off to raise his own funds, rather than expecting to have everything he wants handed to him. He used to want to hold on to everything, but our house just isn't big enough, and one thing I have learned from moving house as often as we have, is that you can't afford to hold on to stuff that you aren't reasonably going to use again.  Being a frequent mover has made me a bit of a ruthless anti-hoarder.  I definitely aspire to the William Morris quote,

 "Have nothing in your house that you do not know to be useful or believe to be beautfiul"

Of course, having three gorgeous small mess-creators (not to overlook contributions from the adults in the house), I'm resigned to the fact that my house is never going to look anything like a show-home - at least, not until they've all flown the nest - but who wants to look forward to that?  Definitely not me!!!  A friend posted this lovely saying on Facebook the other day, that sums up my attitude pretty well:

"My home is filled with toys & has fingerprints on EVERYTHING & is NEVER quiet.  My hair is usually a mess and I'm always tired, but there is always LOVE & LAUGHTER HERE.  In twenty years time my children won't remember the house or my hair but they will remember the time we spent together & THE LOVE THEY FELT."                                                (from the 'I LOVE BEING A MOM' Facebook page)

So, that said, I'm not going to spend any more time on our faithful but slow old computer, I'll just say that seeing as the weather has taken a turn for the worse again (sigh), we're going to snuggle up for a 'cinema' afternoon, where the curtains are closed to make the room cosy and dark, and we eat popcorn & watch a DVD (Happy Feet 2).  I do love Mondays :)

Sunshine and Food for Thought

What a difference some good weather makes!  Not that we've had a bad week in itself, 'cos we haven't.  It's just that we've all really had enough of being stuck indoors.  Twice yesterday I looked out of the window to see the sun shining, but as soon as I told the boys they could go outside and play on the trampoline, it started raining - the first time it rained the exact second that eldest stepped outside (I'm not exaggerating), the second time they didn't even get their shoes on before the rain started again :(
So this morning (as with most mornings) it was with trepidation that I checked the forecast to find nothing but white clouds and yellow suns!  Hooray!  When I told the boys it was going to be sunny all day, Middle looked at me with wide incredulous eyes and asked, "really?"  Bless him - I felt like saying "when I was a little girl they used to do real summers when the sun shone nearly every day!" That may be rose-tinted nostalgia for you, but I don't ever remember a summer as wet as this one has been so far...
Anyway, we were all heartened by the good weather and decided today would be a good day to let our butterflies out into the big wide world (rather than tomorrow when the forecast is less bright). So even though we still have one left in chrysalis form, we set the others free - it felt mean keeping them trapped indoors now they have beautiful wings to use. Before we let them out, we did get to see them using their long curled proboscis to drink from the orange segments we put in their 'garden', so we felt we'd probably learned as much as we could for now.

  

butterfly feeding from orange       remaining (very dark) chrysalis

 

being released: posing on edge of net...    before flying to the nearest hedge

Being in positive sunny mood, we also re-attempted the bread rolls that went so badly the other day.  No problems this time - perfect result! Even better, they had cooled down just in time for lunch - yum!  Warm, buttered, freshly-baked bread has to be one of my top favourite foods :) 

While the dough was proving, Eldest went on Maths Whizz while Middle, Youngest and I played on Middle's Brainbox 'My First Pictures' game.  It's basically a memory game - they do a whole series of games about Nature, Maths, History etc etc - you have to memorise the facts or pictures that appear on the cards then answer a question about it without looking.  Lovely games, but not that easy!  Both the boys did really well (we allowed Youngest double time to look at the picture because of his age) - I think we might get some more from the series - their brains were well exercised and it was fun (they especially like it when Mummy gets one wrong). :)

This afternoon, we left our single chrysalis behind and went to the park.  It was a risk, because it (the chrysalis) had gone really dark so I felt it would be emerging any minute, and we did really want to see it come out, as we'd missed the others.  There was no way we were going to miss the only few hours of sunner this week though (we'll get more caterpillars if necessary), so we headed to one of the boys' favourite local parks with some friends... it felt really good to see them running about and playing together while us Mums (and Dad) chatted, all soaking up the sunshine and getting some fresh air... at LAST!  And of course, it wouldn't be play outdoors if they didn't get completely covered in mud from the puddles there... I am so grateful for baths and washing machines!

So anyway, once the boys were all in bed and I settled on my laptop with the rain pattering once more (sigh) against the window, I was going through my usual kind of mental checklist to see what we'd covered while deschooling today (not because I have to - just because I always find it encouraging): Biology: nature project, D&T: baking, Maths, & memory skills, all as mentioned above, plus there was Art: pictures the younger two drew for me, and English: LOTS of stories being read...
Then a lovely friend sent me a link to a really encouraging post, called What Is Deschooling... it's a great blog post in itself, which is why I have included the link, to encourage any of you who want a read.  In the post the author links to another post by Sandra Dodd, called Unschooling: You'll See It When You Believe It - and I was really drawn to a comment at the end of that post by Pam Sorooshian, who said she used to jot down what her children were busy doing, but not worrying about sorting them into subject at first.  She used to jot things down under simpler headings, such as Reading, Doing, Making, Writing, Watching, Listening, Talking, Visiting, Thinking (and she explands on each 'heading).  Some of those fit into 'school subjects', some aren't so obvious - but I can feel my brain stretching again as I ponder on how helpful it could be using those headings.  You see, I'm told that if the Local Authority contact you, they require some kind of 'Educational Philosophy' from you - some idea of how you will undertake your child's education... and as far as I'm concerned, if I cover all the traditional subjects using one method, whether it be books, computers, or me telling and the boys listening - it feels a little stifling, and would probably put me off before too long, let alone the boys! The more methods used the better - particularly when I'm still experimenting to get to know the boys' learning styles better.  So I think every now and then I might also do a quick mental checklist of the different types of learning, as well as different 'subjects' - so for example today we had Reading (in the morning and at bedtime), Making (bread), Doing (MathsWhizz & Reading Eggs on the PC, plus the boys made up a song in the car - which I had forgotten until I asked myself what 'doing' might cover), Watching (Spongebob and Backyard Science on TV), Talking and Listening (Eldest telling Middle about centrifugal force as he asked me to take the corners sharply in the car), Visiting (playpark with friends), Thinking (we have a learners clock in the kitchen from which (as I often do) I asked Middle if he could work out the time)... and more.
So, another lovely day; another train of thought to follow and see where it leads...  This is why I call Home Education a 'journey' - we are already so far from where we started, and I know we have a long way to go before we're done - but although the end destination is definitely of interest (ie all three boys being grown and equipped to pursue whatever it is that they want to do), that will then become their journey - my job IS the journey, and I fully intend to enjoy every minute of the ride!

Normal service resumed

Sorry to those of you who were hoping for something a little more sensational after yesterday's stroppy blog - we're back to the beautiful, small highlights (no real lows today, just a minor squeak) of our day-to-day Home Ed journey.  So here we go...

Our caterpillars have graduated - yay!  They are no longer teeny creeping caterpillars; they have all fully entered the pupal stage - so this morning Eldest and I took a moment while the younger two boys were occupied elsewhere, to carry out the delicate procedure of transferring the chrysalises from their little plastic pot into the large net container.  It was very fiddly as the paper disk under the lid that they were attached to was quite holey and fragile - and the pupae had lots of sticky threads joining them to the rest of the pot, that all needed to be teased apart.  We got there in the end though, and then pinned it to the inside of the large container.  One of the chrysalises was wiggling energetically after the transfer, but apparently that's normal, and it calmed down again soon afterwards.

 

the new, bigger home                    chrysalises close up 

I'm really glad that we took this 'live experiment' on - the boys are learning so much more through it than they would by just reading or being told about it.  They all knew that caterpillars turn into chrysalises and then butterflies, but by having it happen in front of us they have observed so much more - such as the rate that the caterpillars grow at, the J-shape they assume when entering the pupal stage (and the fact that they shed their skins at this point), the wiggling that they do as pupae - and of course there will be more revelations to come when the butterflies finally emerge.  It all reminds me of the Benjamin Franklin quote:

"Tell me and I forget; Teach me and I remember; involve me and I learn"

Today we had a quiet day at home - partly because Eldest and Youngest are fighting off colds, and partly because it rained pretty much all day! This morning Middle spent a long time on Maths Whizz and then the CBeebies website, Youngest then had a turn on Reading Eggs and again, CBeebies (at one point I heard all three boys giggling over something the Teletubbies were doing on the computer... I mean, Teletubbies... really??), and Eldest mooched for a bit and read some of his Deadly 60 book, before watching more Deadly 60 on TV followed by 'Kid Detectives'... all very scientific!

This afternoon Eldest had his turn on the computer (Maths Whizz) while Middle, Youngest and I made some 'Rock-and-Roll Eggs' (like home-made Weebles, for those of you of a certain age), from our fabulous new Science Things to Make and Do book. We're really enjoying this book - each page has a short, child-friendly explanation as to the scientific principle being explored in the activity (the boys thought it was really funny that the information on their 'Rock-and-Roll Eggs' was titled "Heavy Bottoms"). 

left - Youngest; right - Middle

While we waited for the glue to dry on the eggs, the two younger ones made a tissue-paper 'under-sea collage' with Mummy while we waited...

Eldest by now had finished with Maths Whizz so then he got to grips with a Glow-in-the-dark art project that we found online a while ago, from Ellen McHenry's Basement Workshop - a great site, packed with fab Home Ed resources and ideas.  He used pastels and glow-in-the-dark paint to produce a really nice piece of art - and then Middle decided he wanted to do it too... it was so lovely listening to them chatting while they worked - Eldest telling Middle all about what the different deep-sea creatures did etc.  I love it when they share their knowledge & enthusiasm, and educate each other :)

top - Eldest; bottom - Middle

So today was another good day: gently paced, and even though no work was scheduled (yes, we're still deschooling!), we achieved a fair bit, which always helps to dispel any angst that might be lurking.  And it does still lurk at times... this time I think it was because of the novel I've recently finished reading where the protagonist decides to 'home-school' her daughter to meet her own selfish needs.  Unfortunately I think that as a story it would encourage the perception of those who think that HE is just a cover for neglectful parenting.  True Home Edders will know that if the child in the story was being home educated by a loving and attentive parent she would have thrived - but it left me feeling slightly uneasy, as if an underlying message of the book could be that bringing children up out of the norm is an inherently bad thing.  Although it was a good read (you know I love my books), I was just a little discouraged by being reminded that not everyone thinks Home Ed is as fab as we do!  So, I'm particularly glad for blog posts like this one: A Home-educating Parent Looks Back, where a real Mum shares the successes of her own HE journey, now that she has reached the end of it.  As we're at the beginning of our journey, full of questions, it's just so encouraging to hear from people who have gone ahead of us, and who have seen that Home Ed really does work.  Not to forget that we're already seeing little shoots of success ourselves in our own children as they relax and are starting to demonstrate a returning enthusiasm for questioning, experimenting and learning.  So, minor squeaks notiwthstanding, we are seeing real progress, and that is what makes this journey so worthwhile :)

Encouragement to New Home Educators regarding Deschooling

The subject of deschooling keeps coming up in conversation lately, often from those just starting their HE journey who aren't sure if it's the right way to go - I  know I'm only a few months into our own journey, but I'm already a firm convert, so I found my blog post from a couple of months ago where I was trying to work out whether or not we needed to deschool, ("To deschool - or not?"), and it did make me smile. At the time we had only been out of school for a few weeks, and I wrote, "Chances are, by the time 6 months is up, I'll know whether deschooling would have been a good idea". Well, I'm glad it didn't take me six months to work it out - it took less than three! And we are definitely deschooling! I really would recommend it to anyone just taking their child out of school and starting out on their Home Ed journey - it has given each of the boys (at least Eldest and Middle) a chance to rediscover their natural curiosity, regain confidence in themselves as learners, re-engage with their imagination and inventiveness, and just relax - while I have space to think - and think - and think some more about what Home Education means to us... and I have grown in confidence about not only the choice we have made to educate the boys at home but also the way we are proceeding with it. The more we meet with other Home Edders, read HE blogs and just discuss it ourselves, the clearer it all becomes - but it does take time, and time is exactly what deschooling has given us. There really is no race, no pressure, no danger of a child 'falling behind' - because true learning is neither a comparison nor competition. Deschooling has been the biggest gift to us as home educators, and I just wanted to share that with any other new Home Edders who might come across this post, before I wrote about any of the more usual 'diary stuff'...
So to today: well, Tuesday usually means craft club for us - and this morning was no exception.  Frustratingly we were a bit late getting out of the house.  It's a very relaxed group, so getting there slightly late isn't really a problem except that I do like to get there early enough to manoevre my big car into a parking space in the small carpark, and the less cars already there when I arrive, the better!  I did find a parking space when I eventually got there today, but it was an awkward one, and I ended up being blocked in after group finished, which wasn't much fun: trying to find the owner of the other car while loading my own car and trying to keep tabs on my children = stress city :(  Thanks to the ladies who helped us - otherwise I might still be there now!
Anyway, the boys had a veritable craft-fest this morning.  We made 'things that pop, shake and rattle'.  Youngest was the only one who occasionally lost concentration today, but he was quite happy to come back and finish off what he had made.  All three boys made popping cups, then Youngest decorated a shaker instrument and made a rainstick (with quite a bit of help from Mummy to focus on finishing the latter)...

After Eldest had made his popping cup, he found a page in the craft book there, Eco friendly Crafting for Kids, that showed him how to make a kind of catapult-propelled paper aeroplane - it proved so successful that a few of the other children made one too, even though it wasn't necessarily on the plans for this morning!  Then at the end while I was waiting to find out who owned the car that was blocking us in, he used some of the left over cardboard tubes to make a lightsaber and gun - because as Heather the group leader wryly commented, 'you can never have too many of those!' 

Middle as always had a whale of a time, making his popping cup and then just experimenting with various materials, until he had made a sort of ball and another larger ball-and-cup with 'holes in the bottom for the rain to fall through' (!).  It's that freedom to experiment that he particularly loves - and is great for expanding their thinking :)

When we got back we noticed that three of our Butterfly Garden caterpillars had assumed the 'J-position' to begin to pupate!  We kept checking again throughout the day, and by teatime the three that started this morning had already formed the chrysalis skin, another had taken on the J-shape, and the last one was on the paper disk under the lid of their pot.  It's all very exciting :)

photo taken this morning

This afternoon we went to visit some lovely new HE friends who live near us.  That made five boys in total, all marauding to their hearts' content - we all had a great time and stayed longer than we intended to, everyone was having so much fun :)  While we were there, Middle found the book, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and brought it to me to read together.  I said that as we had it at home, we could read it later, seeing as Mummy was talking to a friend, so he was quite happy to sit and read it to himself on my lap... and then at home he got it again for his beddtime story, particularly enjoying it because of the stage our own caterpillars are in.  He wanted to take it in turns to read pages - I love hearing the expression he puts into his reading! I guess he's used to Mummy doing all sorts of funny voices, reading expressively etc - and I'm so glad he's adopted that to be utterly un-self-conscious when reading to me :)
So that was our day!  Yet another fab one - and all that fun and learning was taking place while deschooling! (hint hint) :)

Mummy Joins In

Our days seem to have a much more enjoyable pace when we stay home in the mornings, and go out in the afternoons - when we go out in the mornings the boys seem to struggle to get into their groove for the rest of the day.  For that reason I decided first thing that even though we had shopping to do (which I would normally try to get out of the way early on), we would go into town after lunch, giving us the morning to relax & ease into the day, as mentioned in Finding our Natural Rhythm - and we really had a lovely morning. :)
DS1 wanted some computer time today, which presented me with a dilemma.  You see, Daddy found a great 'Clone Wars' game online (and DS1 LOVES Clone Wars) - so ever since then, he has only wanted to play on that rather than look at any of the educational games I had set up for him.  So my dilemma was: do I let him play what he wants in the spirit of deschooling, and miss out on my comfort blanket that is MathsWhizz, GridClub etc, or do I ask him to play MathsWhizz (or other educational game) and have the reassurance that he is doing something constructive, but go back on the decision to deschool?  Well, we had a brief chat about it (nothing heavy) so I could try to establish where he's at with it all, and he was really happy to split his computer time in two - first half on MathsWhizz and second half on Clone Wars.  So that's what he did.  I think as long as the boys are happy with learning, it would be daft to avoid it altogether just because we are "deschooling" - and I have to say I was relieved, not least because Maths Whizz was not cheap and I didn't want to waste the money we'd spent on the subscription!
It made for a lovely moment for us too, because somehow he got stuck on questions that he didn't understand (converting metres to kilometres, using decimal points - ie 2,450m = 2.45km)  He must have skipped the tutorial bit somehow, but it gave me the chance to sit down and explain it to him with pen & paper.  We went through a few examples and he got it easily within five minutes.  It was just a lovely one-on-one teaching moment, which was really successful! I've tried teaching him before when he had Maths homework he was stuck on and it didn't go well, largely because he had a defeatist attitude.  This time his attitude was so much better - he was relaxed, paid attention, & got it really quickly - it made my day :)
I also had a lovely time with DS2 & 3 this morning, making a zoo out of playdough and generally indulging in imaginative play.  There was a great assortment of randomly-sized animals in our zoo, (not to mention a giant bowl of soup and a "knocked-over dessert"), and three dinosaurs called Fred, Boris and Boris (!) who were having a lovely day out, until one of them did an enormous poo that got stuck to his bottom (lots of brown playdough involved).
Yet another benefit of Home Ed: I have time to play with my boys and to listen when they want to talk.  I read a quote today that goes as follows:

“Listen earnestly to anything [your children] want to tell you, no matter what. If you don't listen eagerly to the little stuff when they are little, they won't tell you the big stuff when they are big, because to them all of it has always been big stuff.”  - Catherine M Wallace

I always knew this was true, but while they (and I) were at school, there never seemed to be enough time to spend with each of them, just enjoying them, chatting together, and getting to know them better.  I LOVE that we get to hang out together most of the time now - and I believe that's one of the reasons why they're relaxing & becoming more secure :) 
Once we got home from our afternoon trip into town, the icing on the cake for the day was when DS3 learned to say 'humonguous' (relating to a very long piece of spaghetti), and the point when DS2 called in from the garden, "Mummy, look at this!" and I was able to go to the window immediately to see him triumphantly completing a somersault on the trampoline.  Little stuff or big stuff - however you see it, for me it just doesn't get much better :)

poorly boy

My littlest is fighting off some kind of sickness today, which means he just wants to cuddle Mummy while the others are being left to their own devices. I'm sure there's nothing left in his stomach for him to throw up (he's not even keeping water down), but now he's fallen asleep on my lap (I'm typing one-handed on my laptop), I have to say I'm a little nervous about the possibility of him weeing on me in his sleep (he still wears pull-ups at night). Not nervous enough to put him down, though... when my babies are poorly, it brings out the strongest of my maternal instincts, and I am happy to provide all the cuddles required; I feel so helpless otherwise. I am really grateful that the older ones have got so much better at entertaining themselves... I feel a bit mean, not paying them much attention, but the fact is, they are playing really happily together. Every now and then DS1 pops downstairs to see how his "so cute" little brother is doing - and then he disappears again. It makes me very proud of them!
So, there will be nothing much to report today... and even if there were, it would take far too long typing with only one hand! So I will leave you with some of my favourite quotes on education - and here's hoping for a better day tomorrow!

Education is not the filling of a pail, but the lighting of a fire. - William Butler Yeats

I learned most, not from those who taught me but from those who talked with me. - St Augustine

Another merit of home is that it preserves the diversity between individuals. If we were all alike, it might be convenient for the bureaucrat and the statistician, but it would be very dull. - Bertrand Russell  

Motivating individuals

Well after our week of 'doing nothing' last week, we had a very busy weekend, travelling across the country to visit family, & back again.  We had three very tired boys this morning, and a houseful of tidying up to attack.  (Would somebody please explain to me how it is that being away from a house leaves you with more mess to tidy?)
So anyway, we had a very easy day today!  DS1 started the day watching Deadly 60 on TV (his all-time favourite programme), which his brothers were also happy to watch - and Mummy started on the washing.  Then there was a fair bit of trampoline bouncing... making the most of this weather as we're still a bit suspicious that it's going to start pouring down again as soon as we relax. This was followed by more playing with the big box from last week (today it morphed from a coffin into beds and then a train), and some arty time, and DS1 did a bit of a Maths workbook - nothing too arduous!
I decided not to go straight back to the Star Chart this week, as I wanted to talk to the boys and see if they had any ideas for how we could introduce a bit of 'structure' (not that I called it that, I just asked them how we were going to decide what we wanted to do every day).  DS3 was the first to contribute, gleefully shouting out "PAINTING!", and nodding emphatically when I asked him if that meant he wanted to paint every day!  Ah, the enthusiasm of a 3-year-old ;)  DS1 got right into the spirit of things, coming up with all sorts of elaborate schemes involving things like my writing sums on bits of paper and then him pulling some out of a hat to complete.  He loves making up games, so that appealed to him, although I think I may have to modify the suggestion to involve less work on my part ;)  He also liked the idea of writing down a list of things that we could do, and then rolling dice to decide which to do at any given time.  DS2 on the other hand had distinct reservations about agreeing to any scheme where he doesn't get to choose what to do for himself .  He is still very suspicious of doing anything that looks like work or that he doesn't want to do, and needs to feel in control of his choices.
So, unsurprisingly there is no single system that appeals to them all!  I have to say, DS3 is pretty easy - he has no qualms about making decisions, so I just have to have a short list of options up my sleeve for him (mostly Reading Eggs, art & craft, educational games, & doing anything with Mummy) - he'll tackle most things if presented to him in an enthusiastic way.  DS1 & 2 are very different, though, and whereas I think DS1 will be OK with any structure that allows him enough freedom to pursue his own interests (he even wrote down a list of things he liked, in case I forgot!), I think DS2 is going to need me to keep things varied and fun - not forgetting he is still clearly in the process of dechooling.  The biggest thing I think we need to tackle is breaking the mindset that we have to treat the boys all the same (I can feel the family star chart being rendered useless even as I type).  In school there was one system that every child had to fit into - some it suited, some it didn't - DS2 it definitely didn't!  The problem is, even though DS1 is quite happy to do 'school-type work', I think he would rebel altogether if he thought DS2 was getting away without doing any at all.  However, as long as I don't present it to DS2 as 'work', but something fun to have a go at with no expectations, I would think he'll be happy to have a go.  Regular readers will know he's been my biggest concern since we started this journey - it's so hard to see such a bright little boy lose all interest in learning, and at such a young age too! I just have to keep reminding myself that it's still early days, and hope that he will get there as long as I take the pressure right off him: it may feel like we're not making much progress - but at least we've halted the downward spiral.  Hopefully once he's stabilised & is feeling secure again, he'll find his groove :)  He really reminds me of the famous quote by Henry Thoreau:

"If a man loses pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured, or far away. "

Anyway,  DS2 had a really good day on Maths-Whizz today - he was really motivated to get enough points to spend in the 'store' on games and personalising his room etc.  He is familiar with that concept from playing Mario on the Wii and accumulating enough points to unlock extra gadgets etc, so for once I'm grateful for the time spent on the Wii, as he can be quite unsure about traditional incentive charts - if he's not in the right mood he can see them as an opportunity to fail :(  Happily, Maths-Whizz incentives obviously fall into the same category as those on Mario Wii games - so he spent a long time playing and in the end I actually had to ask him to stop to let one of his brothers have a turn!
DS1 did really like the Star Chart though - he generally has more confidence to be able to tackle a challenge if there is something he REALLY wants at the end of it.  I don't want him to expect a reward for every single thing he does - he needs to know that sometimes doing something good is its own reward - but as he is motivated by incentives like star charts, I don't want to rule them out altogether either. 
So, this Mummy is doing more thinking: and instead of thinking "how do we as a family do HE?", I'm switching to "how do I encourage DS1 in HE?" - and ditto for DS2, and again for DS3.  It's certainly not an easy life, but my incentives are seeing each of my boys grow - and that is a reward that's worth no end of investment!

PS In case you're wondering, DS3 did get to do his painting today - we had a lovely time getting messy together while his brothers were occupied elsewhere - happy days! :)