Compared to School...

I wasn't going to write this post (am trying to write another), but was prodded into it by two other blog posts posted on Facebook today, by two very lovely ladies.

The first was this one from the archives of Ross Mountney, encouraging just-starting home educators (but also encouraging to anyone HE'ing and needing reassurance).  It highlighted a train of thought I had earlier today about Home Ed compared to school.  I wasn't wobbling, just thinking about all the lessons they cram in to every day compared to the little we have on the planner (for said planner see my next post, coming soon...).  I get the need for Maths & English: they are vital skills - but history?  to a six year old?  (Sorry history lovers, it's just an example based on where the train of thought went next...)  I remember a history lesson from lower primary school about Vikings.  I remember it because I copied the picture that my neighbour had drawn and was subsequently told off.  I do not however remember a single fact that I was "taught" in that lesson.  And it just reassured me that there is no point comparing what we do with schools, because so much of the 'force-fed' education in school will simply be forgotten by those who weren't interested.  As a teacher I was always trying to find new ways to engage my students, to make lessons interesting etc, but had to accept that there was no way of guaranteeing that every student would remember everything I taught. Still, I persisted, and hopefully some of it will have gone in.  Now though, I am so relieved not to have to do all that stressful planning (sorry teacher-friends if that sounds smug)... I find fun ideas, and put them in front of the boys to pick up if they're inspired - but at least equally as often, they find their own fun ideas, and if I can't help, we learn together.  My kids may seem to spend less time learning (or in structured learning at least), but they will remember more of what they learn, because they want to know it... that's the plan anyway!

This train of thought then had me thinking about the 'gaps', or subjects that we don't cover, not having a prescribed programme of study such as the National Curriculum - but before I had chance for it to develop into even a hint of a wobble, I saw this post about Homeschool gaps, shared by a good friend.  The point that the author rightly makes, is that in raising enthusiastic, self-directed learners, we are empowering them so that when they reach an area that they don't know about but need or want to, they will simply find out for themselves.  And of course, there will be gaps in any education, no matter how comprehensive the curriculum.  A history-loving HE friend (read her blog post here) was recently bemoaning the difficulty of studying subjects like the Bronze Age at home, because its exclusion from the National Curriculum means that resources on the subject are not perceived as in demand enough to be stocked in shops.  Et voila: a gap in the education of every state-schooled child.   Quite simply, no education is ever going to cover every single thing that your child is ever going to want or need to know - but home educators are privileged to be able to cater for the interests of the individual in a way that school education would never be able to do, and for that I am enormously grateful!

Pinterest and Pretty Shells

I confess, I am a teeny bit addicted to Pinterest.  If I have the time, I can spend hours just browsing and pinching ideas - baking, art, other home ed plans.  And ever since my Lakeland catalogue flopped through the letterbox with its jam-making goodies on display - making me think inevitably of autumn and beyond - I have even found myself browsing for Christmas ideas!  You see, yet another of the fabulous things about home education is that for us, our pace of life is so idyllic, compared to many - we get to do all the little crafts and things that I always wanted to do but never had time for before... so my Pinterest board is now nicely filling up with Christmas ideas and other fun.

I was having a little browsing session the other day, when up popped a recommended board.  I'm not sure how the recommendations work to be honest, but I don't really care - it was such a lovely post that it grabbed my attention immediately, and I just had to share it here.  It was called 'Invitations to explore, create and play with shells".  Those who are familiar with the Reggio approach may well be familiar with this concept, but it was the first time I had heard it put like that: an invitation.  Not written or verbal - just the act of putting the enticing treasure out was an invitation to play.  There were no instructions, no diagrams, no guidance at all: just the provision of some shells and other equipment, left in a place where the children concerned would find them and let their natural curiosity and creativity take over.  Read the post - you'll see! There is also a really good link on their page to follow for further information on "Invitations to Play", which although quite purposeful in its methods, reminded me of the joy to be found in "strewing" - a not dissimilar approach to stimulating young minds.  Anyway it all prompted me to get out our own hoard of seashells this morning.  I put them out on a tray with several sheets of A3 paper on the kitchen table while the boys were occupied elsewhere, and just started playing myself, arranging them in different designs...

Mummy's "Crab"

Mummy's "Snowman in the Woods"

It wasn't long before Youngest twigged on that Mummy was in a different room, and came to see what I was doing.  I didn't say a word, he just hopped up onto the bench and started playing.  Eldest came next, then Middle - and very quickly all three boys were having a go.  Eldest didn't stay long - just made a couple of pictures, and then disappeared off...

 Eldest's "Narwhal"

Eldest's "Snail" 

Youngest quickly deemed his masterpiece to be finished and went after him, no doubt hoping to be allowed to play Star Wars lego with Eldest.

  Youngest's "Shell Mania" (his title)

Middle however was engrossed for considerably longer, and made a picture with Mummy.  Not that he needed my help - he was just enjoying some one-on-one time, being creative together.

 Middle's "Crab"

 Middle's "Crown of Shells"

  Middle's "Turtle"

 

Middle and Mummy's "Under the Sea"

So thanks Pinterest, for however you came up with that inspiring suggestion - and for the fact that alongside all my lovely new Christmas ideas, we were given a lovely seashell moment, reminding us that summer's not over yet!

Unschool Holidays

So this is it: apart from the really unfortunate, children all over the country are now on school holidays.  And home educators - who spend their normal lives bristling every time somebody suggests that Home Ed'ors are unsocialised - are retreating from the favoured haunts of playparks and cheap days out as there are 'too many people there'.  Actually, it's not necessarily the volume of people that's the issue (although who wouldn't prefer to visit somewhere when it's not packed with crowds?) - it's the fact that the behaviour of some schoolchildren is distinctly anti-social.  So we head to quieter places and playdates for the summer hols.

I have to say, even though we do still observe school holidays mostly as the boys have friends who are at school, so there are opportunities to play that they would otherwise miss out on - technically, our "term" has not quite finished.  You see, at the moment, Eldest and Middle are still in the middle of their lapbooks (Youngest has finished his), so they are still doing a bit each day until those are finished (more because I want them to learn the character strength of finishing what they start than for an academic reason).  Personally I can't wait for the boys' lapbooks to be done.  If it were me I would just sit down and take as long as it took to get the whole things finished, all in one go.  Not Eldest and Middle though - they are still plodding on a bit at a time while Mummy grits her teeth and learns more patience!   But when they are finished?  Well, then, we will all be on our "unschool holidays".

Unschoolers, I believe, see very little difference between term-time and holidays as dictated by the local schools: all play is learning, and all learning is play - their children are free to explore, play, create, any time of the day, day of the week or month of the year.  However we, although we may not have much structure, we do have a very little as outlined in This is Our Home Ed Style.  And that little bit of structure is what we drop during the holidays.  

We will have six weeks (or maybe five if these jolly lapbooks take much longer) of no MathsWhizz, no Reading Eggs, no lapbooks, no 'educational' activities suggested by Mummy.  The boys will be free to play and I will be free to not think about what learning opportunities they are experiencing.  It will be our version of unschooling - a season of playing, exploring, creating etc, just as they like.  It may not look very different to our usual days - their required "work" really does not usually take them that long before they're off doing their own thing - but it will be different enough. 

And the thing that will make the most difference to me?  I will hopefully get the chance to get back on top of the housework.  There are a couple of mess-magnet areas that really need clearing, but I only usually have time free to just stay on top of the everyday housework - laundry, dishwashing, preparing meals etc (on a good day), not tackle piles of mess as well - because although the boys' required work doesn't take them very long, I need to be available to help all three of them every morning - and that is rarely conducive to getting any of my own work done.

So here's hoping that next time I blog the lapbooks will be done and we'll be on our Unschool Holidays! 

This is our Home Ed Style

There's a verse in the Bible that says "As a dog returns to his own vomit, so a fool repeats his folly."  I have felt like that lately regarding the so-called autonomy v structure debate.  I say so-called because as said often before, I do not believe that the two are mutually exclusive - but anyhow... Despite my conviction of the best approach for us, I have still been periodically vacillating, pondering, dithering and just plain running round in circles on the subject in my head, which is totally foolish because deep down I know what works for us and there is no need to go wobbling off on tangents, wondering if it would be better to do it another way.  The debate in my head is as messy and does me as much benefit as a dog returning to its vomit.  As I said in The good, the bad and the funny, it is one of the few drawbacks of being part of an active online community.  I love that Home Ed'ors are an opinionated lot: we need to be, to go against the flow of mainstream education.  But sometimes the opinions are expressed with as much subtlety as a steam-roller, and that is not good when despite being opinionated, we can also feel vulnerable, stuck out there on a pioneering limb (sorry for the shocking mixing of metaphors there - just shows how messy my head gets over this issue).

A good friend has told me that she has felt real pressure from the 'structured' branch of HE - that she with her autonomous style feels judged for being lazy and not taking her children's education seriously.  I was amazed by this revelation.  I have only ever felt pressure from the 'Autonomous' branch that if you have any structure at all, you risk ruining your child's freedom and love of learning and are effectively little better than a dictator/ imprisoner.  Of course, both perceived judgements are probably much more to do with our own insecurities than any actual person's opinion - otherwise an opinion wouldn't bother either of us.

Anyway, you get the picture: me on the one hand confident that I know what is best for me and mine, but on the other hand trying to swat away irritating and persistent niggles of "but what if you should be more ....., or less ....." (those dratted 'shoulds' again!).  This could be one reason why I have been struggling to blog regularly lately... I've been pestered by 'shoulds'.  They may be tiny, but in enough volume the buzz they create in your head can make it very difficult to think lucidly.

So when I came across a couple of blog posts recently, it was like a deep breath of fresh air - or to continue the theme, like a giant pair of pink fluffy earmuffs, blocking out the buzzing. 
First was a post from a blog that I read often - it's one of my favourites that I relate well to and am always inspired by: An Ordinary Life.  One bit in particular resonated with me, when one of the girls concerned made some new friends and was telling them about her home education, saying,
"I told them how I do an hour or two learning at the table and then spend the rest of the day playing, either outside, watching the telly or whatever I want (which includes arts, crafts and so many other things).  I told them that science is mostly experiments."I LOVED that summary - it sounded just like HE used to look here when everything was flowing nicely. (This year has had a few interruptions and we haven't fully got back into the flow since)
The second blog post was from The Organized Unschooler - oh, how I love this lady already.  She - like me - is drawn to the ideals of unschooling.  BUT she - like me - has a pathological need to organise.  AND - oh joy - she has married them both when it comes to Home Education.  I love it.  It is OK for me to be making plans, drawing up curricula, having ideas and suggestions and dreams when it comes to what my boys learn.  And it is OK for them to not necessarily be interested, and have ideas of their own.  I probably require a little more of the children than this lovely blogger, but that's OK - I'm not trying to copy the Organized Unschooler, just be inspired by her!

Both of those blog posts combined to reboost my confidence.  As said in my previous post,  I do not have to align with any one style of Home Ed (apart from maybe the 'making it up as I go along' one).  So if you out there are in the middle, needing a confidence boost - or just interested in how one family does it, this is our style (which we have resumed this week, bolstered by the encouragement of some very fabulous home educating bloggers out there):

We have some parent-led aspects: I do ask the boys to do about 30 minutes (less for Youngest) of Maths Whizz or Reading Eggs every morning Monday - Thursday (though this morning they asked to do workbooks instead... fine by me!).  Fridays we play a board game in place of the online curricula.  Most mornings we have a Bible story and chat - I forgot this morning, but they soon reminded me!  And then the rest of the mornings are a mixture of Mummy's ideas and their own - but all depending on their level of interest. If they have a lapbook (topic work) on the go I like them to do some work on it a couple of times a week - but some weeks they do none, some weeks they complete an entire book, depending on their enthusiasm.  I like to get an art project, some baking, science experiment etc in at least once a week (note: I like to - it's not written in stone.  It depends on their interest and whatever else is going on that week).  If they want to watch TV in the mornings, we try to make it learning programmes - likewise computer games.  My aim is always to leave the afternoons free for plenty of exploration, playing, visiting friends etc.

So there it is!  I don't think you can put a label on that, but that's us: that's how we do it - for now at least.  I daresay I will revisit the old chestnuts of structure, autonomy, confusion, shoulds etc more often than is helpful - but I guess that comes with the territory of being a parent trying to make sure they're doing the best for their children.  For now I feel like I just needed to get it down on "paper".  I hope it helps you to read it - it certainly helped me to write it!




 

Re-focusing

Apologies for another long absence... last weekend Hubby "generously" brought home some nasty germs, and boy, did I ever succumb?!  I was completely floored for most of the week.  It was as much as I could do to get downstairs so the boys had some semblance of supervision.  They were little stars though - helped a bit more with housework, and tried not to be too noisy.  Eldest and Youngest were also fighting the lurgy for some of the week, so that slowed them down too.  So instead of the week of socialising with friends on half-term from school, we ended up at home all week, watching a lot of TV and the boys playing a lot of games.  As I said in Accidental Unschooling last month though, these kinds of hiatus are nothing to worry about.  The learning doesn't stop, just because of a change in routine.  In fact I am firmly convinced that rigid routine is more likely to hinder learning, than enable it.  It's been nice to refocus today - I think changes in routine seem to help us appreciate the routine even more...

A nice little example of this was today's MathsWhizz.  The boys - at least the older two - still have attitude issues regarding Maths from time to time - they really were put off it at school.  So today when I suggested they have a turn and they all readily agreed, I was pleased.  What I wasn't expecting was that Eldest and Middle would still be engrossed a couple of hours later on their respective computers.  They had done a few activities, and then both of them gravitated toward a kind of design board, that each of them played on for ages, coming up with quite involved games and patterns.

Eventually they left their computers to come and play with lolly sticks with Mummy.  I had read instructions in one of my favourite blogs, An Ordinary Life , for a potential & kinetic energy activity using said lolly sticks.  I knew we needed to do it asap because the minute the boys found the lolly sticks, they wanted to use them for art/ craft/ general playing.  Anyway, we laid them out as per the excellent instructions (see link above) - but didn't get all hundred sticks in place as many had been squirrelled away into secret hoards elsewhere - so we had a layout of about fifty, I reckon.  Still, it was enough - the boys were delighted with the springing action, and although I didn't get a decent photo, I think I've saved enough sticks that we can have another go soon :)

Very happily though, we do have photos of something else.  Eldest has been really inspired by watching Springwatch this year, and has got a camera trap (also known as a trail cam) - which is basically a camera, triggered to take photos when something moves past.  We gave it a trial run in the garden, and once we got it to work (it's not an expensive model), we got some lovely shots from a couple of nights ago.  Eldest is very excited (as am I!), and we can't wait to see what else we can capture on it next.  For now though, we're just pleased to have it confirmed that our local hedgehogs are still visiting the garden & it's not just the neighbourhood scavengers eating all their food!  Hopefully we'll have more exciting photos to share soon, but for now, maybe you might enjoy seeing these...

our first, naughty visitor...

hooray for the first hedgehog shot...

 

we had lots of hedgehog shots - I think two or three different hedgehogs, judging by the time stamps...

 

last one of the night (morning) - a surprise for us...

Orange Rhinos Rule!

It's been "one-of-those-days" with Youngest today.  In fact, he's been a total handful all week so far.  Towards the end of craft club yesterday morning I could see he was starting to go into hyperdrive, I so told the boys it was time to go.  Youngest had a trainer missing for some reason - so we located it and tried to put it back on.  I tried everything: I asked him to put it on; I told him to put it on; I counted backwards from three (which almost always works); I cajoled, and I threatened.  I ended up wrestling with him on the floor, trying to stop him from kicking me while I attempted (and failed) to put it on for him.  At that point I realised how utterly ridiculous it was, trying to force a rebellious child into complying and said, "Fine. You can walk to the car as you are (with one foot bare as his sock had come off as well while we were wrestling).  So that's what he did, complaining all the way.  I knew he wouldn't get hurt, it wasn't far at all - the car was parked about ten metres away from the front door - but still, it was freezing out there.  Cold enough for him to learn a valuable lesson... funnily enough he didn't resist at all once we got in the car.

Although the floor-wrestling was embarrassing, I counted the over-all incident as a personal victory, as I succeeded in not shouting.  You see, the other day I was introduced to the "Orange Rhino Challenge": a blog by an amazing (and brutally honest) woman who took up the challenge to not yell at her children for 365 days.  This is something I have wanted to change about myself for a long time - and had made considerable improvement, especially since starting to Home Ed: when our stress levels dropped, I didn't feel the need to yell anywhere near so often.  This year has been really stressful so far though, and I have definitely slipped into bad habits, so I was really ready to discover the Orange Rhino and take up the challenge... all of which is why I was so pleased with myself that even though I found myself wrestling on the carpet with a four year old (who was winning, it has to be said), I didn't lose my temper!  To be honest though, I have to admit did yell at them later in the car when they were fighting and screaming while I was trying to drive - but today is a fresh start, and so far, so good!

Youngest has certainly done his utmost to provoke, too,  He slammed the freezer door into my leg after I asked him to come away; he ran in front of an oncoming car (thank God the woman driving saw him and stopped in time) - of course I did shout 'stop' but I didn't yell at him for it afterwards; I stayed calm (at least on the outside) while trying to stop him rampaging through the barber's shop, messing with spinning chairs, turning the light-switches on and off and generally being deliberately annoying; he tried climbing a shelf unit, resulting in a broken shelf spilling an unprecedented level of chaos into the study; he snapped his big brother's retractable tape measure... aaarrrggghhh!  what a day!  And no, he doesn't have ADHD or anything like that - he's just a bundle of life and energy!

Actually I was thinking about it today, and remembered that when I was pregnant with him I used to pray for him daily and speak life over him deliberately (I had miscarried two of my babies at twelve weeks, so all through his first trimester I prayed a LOT, until we had that first beautiful scan showing a very much live-and-kicking baby in my womb).  I wonder now if I maybe overdid it a little... I mean, he really is full-to-brimming with life!!!  He's not usually this naughty though - I suspect a growth spurt and the need for extra reassuring hugs with Mummy.

Anyway, many of you lovely lot out there won't really relate to this "trying not to yell" post: there are so many who already manage to parent peacefully. I am posting this for those of you who do relate - and maybe you'll be encouraged to take the Orange Rhino challenge too, but orange rhino or otherwise, I hope you all have a peaceful evening!

Hooray for the Trampoline!

The boys are definitely showing signs that they've been cooped up indoors for too long!  Because my back has been painful for a couple of weeks now, we have been significantly hindered from getting out and about as much as we would normally like - but yesterday it wasn't too bad, so we decided we would try again to get to craft club.  We had a lovely time, the boys all made some cute snakes (as  Chinese Year of the Snake begins in a few days), but you could tell they hadn't been out for a while: they went quite loopy, running about and yelling - generally being boys with excess energy.  Fortunately there is an enclosed garden outside, so they were able to let off steam with friends before we came home.  Unfortunately my back complained for the rest of the day so I was pretty much confined to my chair, printing off lapbook resources etc.  The boys had calmed down by then, so thy occupied themselves nicely (mostly with lapbook activities and general happy playtime.

Snakes, top to bottom: Eldest's; Youngest's; Middle's

This morning, having restocked on playdough yesterday, we were able to make lots of little 'people' (and the odd alien, baby and pancake-man) to complete our Gormley-inspired sculpting, prompted by this blog, and started the other day in We Love Mondays.  It was fascinating to note the care taken over each little 'blob', how each was invested with a personality, and how fond of each individual we became.  Considering it was such a simple activity, I would definitely do it again, and spend more time talking about individuals making up a whole etc.  As it was, the boys were keen to get on to their next activity today, so we didn't chat about it as much as I would have liked.  I do hope the boys are keen to do it again...

 our version of Gormley's "Field for the British Isles"

Reading Eggspress followed our "art lesson" - Eldest and Middle had both found an activity that they really enjoyed... they spent well over the required thirty minutes on there (more like ninety minutes each).  Youngest wasn't interested in Reading Eggs today though - he just wanted Reading Eggspess like his big brothers.  We spent time reading and playing jigsaws etc instead, but it's made me think - maybe I just need to let him have a go at Reading Eggspress so he can see for himself that he's not ready for it yet, rather than trying to reason with him.

Then they had some time working on lapbooks while Youngest taught himself how to burp words (I know)... he didn't burp the alphabet, he burped "I ... love ... you ... Mummy" - I was simultaneously revolted and charmed!  It is his own accomplishment though - not what I had in mind when we started to Home Ed, and neither of his brothers can do it (thankfully), but he was inspired, went for it and taught himself - so, "well done son" (I think).  Anyway, back to the more refined subject of lapbooks, and I have to say, the Homeschool Share website is a totally awesome resource - we just keep going back to it to find inspiration and helpful tools, like the downloadable 'flap-book' templates, and free lapbooks.

We had friends coming round in the afternoon, and as I still wasn't able to whizz around and tidy for myself, I shamelessly resorted to bribery.  At 11.30 I told the boys if they could tidy the front room by 12noon they could play on the Wii for an hour (we've been having a Wii-free week).  Well I have to say, they've never worked as a team so well to tidy up so quickly!  What might normally take an hour (with fifty minutes of feet-dragging, distractions and complaining) took just under fifteen minutes - job done!  Happiness all round.

Our friends arrived, and we had a lovely time chatting and playing, particularly enjoying the fact that my big boys thought nothing of playing with two-year old twin girls.  The only problem was that when our guests left, the boys were still thoroughly into the toddler style of shrieking, running about and having fun, so they were sent out into the garden, rejoicing at being reunited with the trampoline (it's been either buried in snow or too muddy out there for them to play on it for quite a while).  They had such a lovely time leaping about together, they could have stayed out a lot longer (they were outside for an hour), but then it started hailing, so they came in to get cosy & warm, being grossed out by the hagfish on 'Naomi's Nightmares of Nature' (CBBC), with it now snowing outside.  All energy was burned off once again, and Mummy thanks God for the trampoline!

Loving Lapbooks

It's such a relief having a sense of direction again!  The house is a complete state (owing to my back not cooperating with my need to tidy), but I'm still enjoying the week because we're having such a positive time!  Even when the car broke down on Tuesday, preventing us from going to our lovely craft club, the boys bounced back from the disappointment much quicker than they would have done otherwise, as they have been enjoying working on their lapbooks!  I know!  Project work actually gripping them with enthusiasm!  Even Middle who usually has an allergic reaction to anything that looks remotely work-like!

For those who don't know, lapbooks - as far as I understand them - are a kind of topic-based scrapbook/ folder with all sorts of flaps, pockets and interactive treasures.  It is much easier to show what they are than describe, so I will show you Middle's shortly (he finished his first one today), but there are lots of different ways to make them too.  Eg Eldest has one on the go that is a lot more of a book than Middle's folder.  There are some helpful ideas on Squidoo, and also on page 10 of this issue of EOS  (Education Ourside School).  Some parents make them for their child to interact with (especially those with preschool children); some get downloadable projects online for their chld to assemble - we love the Homeschool Share  website for great resources; some (especially those who are familiar with the concept) just let their child loose to completely wing it - make their own folder/ notebook/ scrapbook put in whtever they like.  Middle's first lapbook was based on his suggestion on Saturday that he wanted to learn about growing - he drew some pictures and diagrams, and I suggested we could make it into a sort of 'lift-the-flap' book (if I had called it a lapbook at that point he would have not understood what I meant and just refused on principle).  As we have gone along I have called it his lap-book, and he now associates the term with something fun, like making your own lift-the-flap book!  I have done lots of searching online for ideas to suggest, and found lots of great resources on the Enchanted Learning website.  He hasn't gone for all the suggestions, but the finished result I think is really impressive for a first attempt!

So here it is - pause for proud Mummy drum-roll - Middle's first lapbook:

front cover

inside front cover

 

middle 'page' (he's not a fan of colouring, but he was happy to do some with Mummy helping)

 inside back flap

back flap (final page)

"I want to be a dad like my Dad"

I simpy love it!  He s really proud of it as well.  Eldest is still working on his - like I said, it is a lot more of a book than folder - and his has more text and photos, with fewer flaps... but as far as I'm concerned, it's not about copying somebody else's idea of what a good lapbook looks like - it's about finding what inspires your child, and encouraging them in it.  So I will be equally proudly displaying Eldest's lapbook once he has completed it, too.

The older boys haven't just been working on their lapbooks this week - amongst other things they've been keeping up with their online curricula, watching interesting TV Programmes ('Your Paintings' recorded from BBC2 being a particular favourite of Middle's), and doing our own artwork... today's art was inspired by Van Gogh's "The Starry Night".  We looked at our Smart about Art book on Van Gogh, and then I showed the boys the Happy Hooligans link of a Van-Gogh inspired piece of art using paint and melted wax crayons.  We pretty much did as directed on the blog post - but I have to say, the first bit (using our fingers in the paint) was a lot more fun than the second bit which gave my hands cramp while grating crayons.  I think I preferred my painting before I added the crayons too - but the boys were all happy with their finished art, so it was all good!

 Eldest

Mummy

 Middle

Youngest

Once we'd done our art, Eldest and Middle were on Reading Eggspress and Youngest decided that he wanted to go on it too! So after a break of several months, Youngest got back onto Reading Eggs (snuggled up with me, playing it in my laptop). Given that he took a break because it got a bit hard from him, he absolutely whizzed through the pages. Proof yet again (as if we needed it) that times to rest are just as important as times to work.  After he'd had anough for the day he was still looking a bit lost, with his brothers doing their lapbooks.  He says he wants to do one, but every time we sit down to do it he loses interest immediately - so I'm not going to push it.  Anyway, he was enthusiastic about baking chocolate muffins with Mummy, so that's what we did... just in time for lunch, yummy!

Finding Our Way

It's been a really good weekend - I feel like I'm starting to make sense of things.  As I mentioned at the end of Friday's post, Structure v Autonomy, a friend pointed me in the direction of a really helpful blog about what the author, Melissa Wiley, calls "Tidal Homeschooling", where home education flows in seasons, at times led by the mother/ educator on projects that she leads them all on, and at other times led by the children's freedom to explore and mull over things that appeal to them.  The post may have been a few years old, but I read it at exactly the right time for me!  In the post there is a link to all of the Tidal Homeschooling posts that followed the original, and they were also really helpful.  One in particular caused a lovely penny-dropping moment.  It was while reading her post Tidal Homeschooling, Part 3.  I recommend reading the whole post as I found it all so beneficial - but the bit that impacted me the most was a quote that obviously similarly impacted her...

“The adults in the child’s life,” writes the Headmistress, referencing Charlotte Mason,

"have the ‘power of appeal and inspiration,’ and the responsibility to act ‘the part of guide, philosopher and friend’ to these young people with wonderful minds but no knowledge to speak of.
“Or… we can just abandon them to their uninformed judgment about what’s important and what isn’t, leave them to their own devices, and allow them to believe that their own judgment about what is and is not important to know is just as well informed and solid an opinion as Mortimer Adler’s, Thomas Jefferson’s, Peter’s, Paul’s, or…. yours. Leaving children to pick up what scraps of knowledge they think to ask about, willy nilly, is not doing them any favors. It isn’t respectful of their situation as newcomers to the world or to the adults they will grow up to be. And if we don’t do our job as the adults in their lives when they are small, the adults they grow up to be will have a malnourished background upon which to build.’ "
 

Reading that was like coming home!  It was like somebody had put their finger right on the area that had been niggling away at me since we started exploring Home Education and trying to find a balance that works for us. Once I read the above quote, and the subsequent comments made by the blogger, about the importance of guiding your children (in an autonomous setting that usually involves strewing interesting books, TV documentaries, day trips, experiences etc across their paths, that they would most likely otherwise not have noticed - and seeing what they choose to pick up and run with), I realised that at times I had fallen into the trap of thinking that autonomous education is about just leaving the children to it (it's not) - and it was at those times that I started craving more structure as it's the only way I am familiar with of leading.   

So clearly, for me now it is not so much about structure v autonomy as it is about parent-led v child-led.  And I have given us permission to be a delightful mixture of both.  Tidal learners in fact (thank you, Melissa Wiley) - at times led by Mummy's (and Daddy's) ideas of what they might enjoy or what would be good for them to be exposed to, with all the enthusiasm and fun we can infuse into whatever it is - and at times led by their own choices and decisions on what they would like to learn more about - with plenty of time just to mull over and play.

*Big sigh of relief*  I feel like my head is back where it needs to be!  Such a relief! Thank you for still reading and being patient while I sorted my thoughts out!

So anyway,  having given myself permission to be more pro-active in their learning (I know, it's embarrassing the silly muddles I can get myself in), I had one-on-one chats with the older boys on Saturday (I have no qualms about Youngest currently), to find out what they think about what we're doing.  It turns out one of the things they miss from school is "Merit Box": a box of small toys and treats that they would 'buy' with the merits they had earned for good work or behaviour during the week.  Much as I don't like a system that invariably falls into unhealthy comparisons (the "good" children always getting more merits than the "naughty" ones), I don't want to deny them something they enjoy - so we have started a small treasure box with the left over party favours from Middle's birthday (chocolate coins, glowsticks etc) - and now we just need to agree on what basis they get the treasure...

Also, I showed Eldest some lapbooks that friends had been kind enough to post online for me to see.  Well, he couldn't wait to start making one - about ocean life, unsurprisingly - but he wants it to be a big one, with chapters - so I taped a few square files together to give him ten pages to fill.  He has already designed and printed the cover, printed some photos and written the 'chapter' on endangered fish. When I say chapter, it was a sentence or two with photos under flaps, but it's his, and he's enthusiastic about it (and he's learning while researching) - so I'm happy!

Whe I asked Middle what he wanted to learn about his smile vanished and shoulders slumped.  "Oh poo" I thought - "he really is still deschooling".  I hastily changed the 'schoolish' terminology of "learning" and reassured him I meant was there anything he was interested in finding out about.  He thought seriously for a moment and then his face brightened a bit and he said, "we-ell, I could do about growing!" (still thinking in terms of having to perform).  I asked if he'd like to get some frogspawn later on and watch it grow into frogs, and he got much happier and started describing a "circle with arrows" (lifecycle) picture that he wanted to draw... and hopped down and ran off to draw just that.  When I showed him the lapbooks online his response was not so enthusiastic as Eldest (Middle seeing it as work to be done), but when I provided him with a folder today to stick his drawings in, he was very keen.  I just need to remember that with him it's all about momentum: just get him interested and the rest follows; if you present a task up front he finds it off-putting, regardless of how much he would actually enjoy it in practice.

So hopefully I'll have some lap-book photos to share in my next post - but for now, I just feel a lot happier that my head is settled and my boys are enthusiastic learners once more - we're still mooching round the woods, (see A Little Wobble from last week) but not feeling so direction-less any more... we're meandering wth purposeful enjoyment once again!

Structure v Autonomy

Can you hear my brain stretching from where you are?

Unsurprisingly, given the latest little wobble, I have been revisiting the old "structure v autonomy" debate that has permanent residence in my head.  Sometimes I manage to ignore it better than other times, that's all!  Maybe the whole of HE is just one big debate/ experiement on the subject - or maybe I will have an 'answer' one day, who knows?!

Part of me is incredibly frustrated with myself for still vacillating on the subject, but I still want to be true to where we're at on this journey, in case it helps others.  I guess anyone who's as bored with the subject as I am tempted to be just won't be reading - so it's just me and you then.  Pull up a chair and I'l fill you in... bear with me while I try to be patient with where I am...

Today I posted in a forum asking why it is that there seems to be laods of information available on autonomous HE, but so little on the structured side of things.  We decided between us that structured Home Ed'ors aren't necessarily embarrassed by the way they home educate - after all, it is what works for their family - BUT, there have been too many groups where anyone who mentions that they are structured in their approach then gets metaphorically jumped on and made to feel somehow inferior for not being autonomous (it's almost as 'bad' as saying you voluntarily accept LA visits - shocking thought!!!).  You know, I can't bear this kind of judgemental behaviour.  It's hard enough going against the flow of mainstream education when you choose to home educate, let alone arguing between ourselves about the 'right' or 'wrong' way to do it - surely we need to be supporting each other's freedom to choose whatever works best for us?!

Anyway, I digress.  Today we had a trip to Toys R Us to spend some Christmas/ birthday money and vouchers.  While we were there I spotted and bought an English workbook for 10-11 year olds approaching their SATs.  I mean, what was that all about?  Since when have I wanted to measure how any of them were "keeping up" with their peers in school?  I don't even believe in education as a race! 

Well, partly I think that when we started HE I knew we needed to get away from the intense structure of school, so we probably swung to the other extreme - and as the boys and I obviously needed deschooling, that was immeasurably helpful for all of us.  I think that now I'm just swinging back, and feeling the need to go over the issues again, to get a more balanced view - and that is manifesting as a stronger desire for structure at the moment.

Also, I have lately felt that Eldest is growing beyond the point where we can all look at things together - he is capable of taking subjects much further than we can go when we're looking at things together with his brothers (eg with things like kitchen science experiments) - but I don't think he knows how to take it further, so I'm feeling the need to "educate" him.  This is most likely the reason for my mind having been churning over how to HE three boys of different levels - because I can see Eldest is ready to be stretched.  (I'm still not resolved on that though... it's an ongoing issue...)  However, he may be ready to be stretched, but that doesn't mean he wants to be.  Similarly, Youngest is showing signs of being ready to start writing (his fine motor control is improving, he's drawing circles, lines etc)... but he's not interested if I give him a 'learning to write' worksheet.  So I'm not going to push it - I figure he'll let me know when he's ready.  And maybe I need to apply the same logic to Eldest: when he's truly ready to push himself, he'll let me know...?  It's a nerve-wracking game though, trusting your child to show you when they really are ready - and what if my instincts turn out to be correct (in that he really does need help finding direction)?  I do love the child-led nature of unschooling, but I don't like the rigid idea that the parents shouldn't "interfere".  As a mother I believe we can trust our instincts concerning our children, and as a Christian I believe that God leads us to the best for each of our children... and as both of those, I believe that I mustn't discard my concerns simply because they don't match up with a certain ideology.

So what am I saying?  Good question!  I think I'm saying that while I doubt we'll ever yield to a complete classroom-type structure, I suspect we may need a bit more structure in our HE journey - and I'm giving myself permission to explore that.  It doesn't mean I'm forcing my will on my children; and it doesn't mean they will have to stop having fun, just to meet my demands.  It means that if I perceive a need for a bit of direction, that's OK.  Just like when children learn to ride a bike: some steadfastly refuse any help until they've mastered it for themselves (I was always this kind of child); some need their parents giving them stability and helping them to balance before letting them go.  Neither is better or worse - both are just learning to ride in their own way.  With Eldest I feel like he's coming to a new area of growth where he might need a bit of stability for a while, until he takes off by himself again.  I'm sure if he gets fed up of being held up (or more likely, being held back), he'll soon say! And if it looks like I'm putting him off, you can be sure I'll back right off!  Generally it doesn't take long at all before he's raring to go at whatever the new thing is.

Does this apply to the others? Well, I'm really chilled with where Youngest is right now; I don't feel any need to push him or change anything for the time being.  With Middle, although I feel like if I tried to introduce any structure he would run a mile, actually I suspect there is a confidence issue.  Sometimes he needs a little coercion to do something until he realises he loves it, which then makes him feel really good about himself, so a bit of a nudge in the right direction could be a good thing - but in his case it's more about specifics (such as writing in cursive which he has expressed a desire to do but reluctance to practice) and therefore may end up being the most structured for a while, with Mummy cheering him on all the way.

So who knows?  that's where we are right now - happy to try something new and see how it goes, but not writing anything in stone!  No change then!

PS A friend just posted a link to a blog about "Tidal Homeschooling"that really fits with where I'm at - I absolutely love it!  So I'm sharing it here too :)

Rollercoaster Days

It's been a funny week so far.  Some of it really pants, and some of it heart-warmingly lovely.

The horrible bits have largely revolved around me: my stress; me losing my temper; my guilt at shouting at the boys... with other challenges thrown in such as one boy drawing on the beige stair carpet with lead pencil, another boy having a complete hissy fit over something apparently tiny, and general sibling squabbles and other petty problems as well. 

BUT, as another HE Mum whose blog I love posted earlier this week, in One Of Those Days, it's how you deal with horrible days/ weeks that makes the difference.  So if I focus on the positives and brag slightly on my boys, it's not because I want you to feel inadequate (I REALLY don't!): it's because to focus on the negatives would depress me and make things worse.  I don't want to live in denial, or try to maintain an illusion of perfection - I just want to acknowledge the rotten stuff, try to learn from it - and then focus on the good stuff and acknowledge that actually, despite the stuff that I get wrong, every day that we home educate is a good day.

By the way, a lovely quote for those of you who find HE blogs discouraging at times...

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel" - Steve Furtick

So on our manic Monday, after I had a sudden and stressful need to clean the house top-to-bottom (obviously apart from the room that all the mess was shoved into!), and after the carpet graffiti 'artist' had had a long enough time-out for me to calm down, followed by him trying to clean the carpet himself (lesson in consequences of destructive behaviour - I did help him after he'd realised the seriousness of what he'd done), and after the mega tantrum had passed, and peace was restored... after all that stress, we had quite a nice afternoon: the house was now beautifully tidy, and I felt the need for a nice cosy time, for all of our sakes... so we snuggled up together on the sofa and watched a Christmas Movie with popcorn and no lights on except the twinkling tree.  Oh it was lovely: such a peace-restoring time... and actually, it was the first time this year that I have taken time to breathe deeply and enjoy the beginning of the festive season, gathering my precious ones around me and indulging in the warmth of our family closeness as we make plans and celebrate Christmas.

Tuesday started well: we were all up early, dressed and looking forward to the last Craft Club of the season - we even made some gingerbread cookies to share there.  Then we got in the car - and it wouldn't start.  Flat battery.  We were all really upset, but nothing could be done.  A taxi would have been too expensive; going by bus was too involved - by the time we got there it would have been time to come home.  So after dealing with tears and pouting, I decided we would go out for a walk to blow the cobwebs away (it was a lovely mild day) - so we walked through the local lanes to the smallholding where we buy our free-range eggs (proper free-range, not the sort that claim to be free-range in supermarkets but turn out to be a con).  Eggs purchased, we strolled home again, talked to the horses in the fields, planning Middle's birthday party next month, and I just enjoyed having Youngest's little hand in mine, while listening to Eldest and Middle have a really lovely brotherly conversation.  Peace was restored.

Home again, and having stressed myself (and the boys) silly the day before, trying to get the house immaculate, I did what any normally insane person would do: I got the glitter out (and some stencils, metallic markers etc).  Oh my goodness, we had a good time!  I deliberately made no plans, set no expectations - didn't even tell them not to waste the glitter (after all, I had bought two big tubs of it, and we're not likely to use it again this year)... we just got creative and had fun.  There was so much glitter over the bench that Youngest stood up in it and made like a camel doing a happy little sand dance.  It didn't even take that long to clean up again afterwards!  It was such a happy time, even finding the glitter today that has spread to every corner of the house makes me smile.

 

 Middle's "Christmas" and "Tree"

 

   

 Eldest's "Christmas Fish" and "Macaroni Penguins"

 

 Youngest's "Do Not Disturb" (apparently) and "Candle"

Today has happily been a bit less tempestuous.  There has been more time to notice the 'little' things from the week so far.  For example today's word play, first making a Christmas crossword on the fridge out of magnetic letters, and then a game that Eldest and Middle love, where every word has to start with the same letter (inlcuding names) - so if everything starts with P, they would call me Pummy, eating a Panana etc. Youngest (age 4) has always hated this game, especially if his brothers changed his name, but today when they played it he suddenly 'got it', and was delighted to change everyone's names, working them out for himself - he especially loved it when he got to call me 'Dummy', 'Bummy' 'Gummy' etc. He just suddenly clicked with letter sounds as components of whole words. That's proper literacy right there - but they were all just having fun playing a game (as it should be)! 

Eldest was "bored" at one point, but instead of moaning at me to find entertainment for him (he seems to have learned that that usually results in him being asked to tidy his room - spot Mummy's cunning ploy), he disappeared off to his room and invented a game that is a kind of cross between chess and Gogos (cheap weird plastic collectible figures).  He calls it 'Gogo chess', and although the name may not be very inventive, the game certainly is.  It has clear rules and is kind of and is absorbing to play... clever chappie!

And Middle has totally grown in confidence with his drawing.  He rarely wants to colour his creations in - I'm not sure if that's our of preference or because he runs out of steam, but regardless, his pictures are increasingly noticeably in detail, and more importantly, he loves it - he's found his 'happy place' - ie sat at a table (or on the floor, or leaning on a book), with a pen/ pencil in hand, drawing a picture.

  

  

 

There's another blog that I follow, and the author posted this week about criticism that she had received making her re-evaluate her home education/ lifestyle, in Still Learning.  Readers here will know how little time I have for the 'shoulds', aka, other people's narrow-minded judgements (or our own subconscious ones) on our parenting/ education/ life choices - but this lovely blogger goes further and states the things that she does value about their life.  I encourage you to have a read, it's really uplifting.  Sometimes the things that people think are important, turn out to be the least important.  And I'm not just saying that because I'm a fan of hers who aspires to a similar lifestyle!

Over all then, it's been such an up-and-down few days - a proper rollercoaster (no, I am NOT the rollercoaster-enjoying type), and it got me thinking.  We can have days that I rate as rubbish because it's too easy to fall back into schoolteacher mode, and I wobble, and make the mistake of comparing the 'labours' (or lack of) of our HE day with the labours of a typical school day - but nowadays I am getting quicker at ignoring that out-dated 'teacher-voice' because when I think of the lesson plans that I have written in the past, all of them always focused around one main point that I wanted the children to remember or achieve, if nothing else.  And if they could get that one point in a few minutes, what was the point in the rest of the lesson? (was it to fill time while their class-mates also got it? was it to keep reiterating it in different ways to make sure it really goes in, in case they weren't paying full attention?)  I look back at my own time at school and think about what I actually learned.  I learned that I'm rubbish at History, Science, Geography, Art, average at Maths, and ok with English and languages  (notice it is all performance-based, nothing to do with what did I love or what inspired me and brought me to life).  The facts that I learned I have largely forgotten - and if you ask Joe Public what he was taught at school, chances are you'll get the same response: "nothing much".  We remember the teachers, and how they made us feel.  we remember the bad ones who made us feel lower than low, and we remember the good ones, who encouraged us to reach for the stars, to believe in ourselves.  But do we remember, do my students remember those 'key points' that were the focus of each lesson plan?  Not often (and I really tried to be an inspiring teacher).  All of which brings me full-circle to now, home educating my own children.  To be frank, their appetite for learning far exceeds my ability to "teach" - and that being the case, I just need to make sure they have the resources they need to go as far as they like, unhindered by the 'single-point' focus of a lesson-plan.  If my boys are inspired and take just a few minutes to learn one piece of information or grasp a new concept or get absorbed in a new experience, why should I expect them to then spend the rest of their day in a forced learning environment?  Quite simply, there is no need.  If they then want to go on learning as much as they can about one subject, why would I try to restrict them to my idea of what they ought to achieve in one session?  Again, there is no need.  The Home Ed lark really makes a lot of sense.

Wow, what was a lengthy post!  I'll stop now... thank you for sticking with me through my rambles! 

Doing Nothing in a Festive Way

I've discovered a few set-backs to Home Education that I hadn't anticipated.  This time last year we were all at school, but Youngest and I were mornings-only, so I would bring him home at lunchtime, put him to bed for a nap, and then get the lights up ready to surprise the older boys when they came home from school later.  This year I don't get that lovely sense of looking forward to their delighted response.  However, we do have a lot more time together to just enjoy all the loveliness of the season, so I figure I can't complain really!  Also, as they are at home all the time they have persuaded me to put the tree up sooner that I usually would.  That's not such a bad thing either - I just know from experience that I usually get fed up of the decorations cluttering up the house within a couple of weeks, so it does mean I'll need to be patient, waiting for my 'undecorating' day.

The other drawback I discovered after writing my previous post: apparently the seasonal slow-down is not only common, but it seems that rather than Home Edders being all jolly at this time of year, 'tis the season to be "wobbly".  Of course, we are a pretty jolly lot - why wouldn't we be?  We get to immerse ourselves in the season as much as we like, without having to run around sorting out last-minute nativity costumes, gifts for the school staff, and enough Christmas cards for every child in the class/ school, as well as trying to persuade tired grumpy children that they do want to get up when it's dark, go to school in the cold and not come home until it's dark again.  But - the wobbles, so I am told, are really common at this time of year.  I wonder if that's a result of the slow-down.  Certainly in this house our HE experience includes a lot of getting out and about, experiencing nature etc - and I think that inevitably brings a greater sense of being in tune with the seasons.  So as I wrote previously, we have slowed down, are doing less trips out and group activities, cosying down more at home, doing more passive learning such as on the TV or computer - all of which makes it feel like we're not doing much of value - and there's no quicker way to bring on the wobbles, or make you question your ability as a home educator, than to assess your progress in terms of "haven't done much lately"  Well, the upside to that is that thanks to the lovely online communities, I am now aware that it's a common HE phenomenon - so it makes it much easier to roll with it, and give in to the desire to just hibernate.  It's just a season - and seasonal living is the most natural way to live.

So this week we're indulging ourselves in Christmas preparations.  So far we've been making LOTS of cards (it's really lovely to have the time to make them ourselves)...

my favourites are the ones at the front, made using the paper we marbled ourselves

We've been looking again at the First Christmas (using DVDs, our Playmobil nativity set etc - we liked this Beatbox version on Youtube); we've decorated the tree...

We've made Christmas biscuits from this book...



We've learned about some Christmas traditions (my current favourite one being that naughty Dutch children don't get coal in their stocking, they get taken off to Spain!); we've drawn Christmas pictures (like this one of "Fat Santa" by Middle)...

We've read christmas stories; we've listened to Christmas music and learned some Christmas songs (especially Eldest, who loves singing along to the radio)... we've even lit Christmas candles to complete the full five-senses experience! 

And if you're having a "done nothing" kind of day & are feeling inadequate in comparison to that impressive list, let me reassure you that I didn't think we'd done anything either until I wrote it down, so maybe you've done more than you think too - but even if you haven't, don't worry: it's just a seasonal thing.  Pour yourself a glass of mulled wine or raid the selection box and just enjoy your hibernation... see you in the Spring!

PS Just after I'd posted this blog entry the boys found the tinsel that we haven't used anywhere yet this year, and they started playing with it. Middle and Youngest are making letters, numbers, words etc out of it on the floor.  So of course I had to post some photos... how very HE!

 

Deschooling Top-up

So, following on from my ponderings over structure/ suggestions/ screen-restrictions etc...

The only conclusion I am prepared to make so far is that we need a little time to top-up on our deschooling.  I am fully prepared to admit that it is I who needs more deschooling, rather than the boys - but hey, they're not going to complain if I back-off on my expectations a bit.  I still don't think we are very structured on a daily basis, but I caught myself thinking something that shocked me a bit & made me realise how much deschooling I still need (or maybe not deschooling, maybe just a slap round the head with a wet kipper...).  Prepare yourselves, perfect parents, for a shocking admission.  I was mulling over the whole quandrary of whether or not to restrict TV; whether or not to set expectations of even a small amount of time on curricular work; whether to suggest activities or let them find their own learning fun... and while it was all spinning round inside my head, I heard the thought flit across my brain: "but how do I make them learn anything?"  Aaarrrggghhh!  That is totally NOT what I want for me or my boys.  I don't want to MAKE them learn - in fact, I don't think it's even possible to MAKE someone learn something.  I suppose certain facts can be artificially imposed onto one's conscious thought by mind-numbing repetition and brain-washing - but that is not what I mean by learning.  Learning is experiential - it is expanding how we think, by way of new surroundings/ materials/ scenarios, by being exposed to different people, different ways of thinking...  and I do believe all of that -  so where did this insecure little mini-dictator spring from inside me?

Some may call this a wobble - and I do understand that the 'wobbles' are a normal part of Home Educating, that come in all sorts of guises.  Well - mostly normal: I have one friend who never seems to wobble - I think it has something to do with the fact that she was home educated herself as a child - and she just seems to radiate this confidence that her boys will be fine - because she knows she is fine, after all she survived Home Ed without being socially unskilled or incapable of finding a career :)  I would love that confidence, rather than the feeling that to Home Educate is to reinvent the wheel!  I am absolutely confident that Home Education is completely right for our family - it's just un-nerving to have little mini-dictators appearing in one's inner thought life! So, my way of dealing with my wobbly dictator (hmm, interesting image) is to ignore it.  Not deny that it is there, but pay it no attention, as to focus on it would be the quickest way to go up my own exhaust-pipe.

So my plan is as stated, to deschool myself a little more - back off on the small amount of restrictions, suggestions & expectations that we have - and just spend a week or so just enjoying my boys and reminding myself why we chose to Home Educate them.  Instead of focusing on what they are/ are not doing academically, I will celebrate their achievements and focus on true learning - giving them space to push past any boredom, discover their own enthusiasm and just value my time with them - what better gift can I give them than to enjoy being with them and enjoy what they are enjoying?  What can they possibly learn that is more important than to know that they are valuable just as they are, and that the things that they care about really do matter...

I quite like this wobble - i'm looking forward to the week ahead now :)

PS Having just read this blog post - Remember You're a Parent (Ross Mountney), the whole blog seemed to confirm what I have been thinking - thanks Ross! - and her last sentence really resonated with me: "it’s relationships that build happy and educative lives!"  How blessed I am, that I get to invest in relationships with my children.  That, above any educational philosophy, is the thing that will set my children up for a successful life :)