Deschooling FAQs

Questions about deschooling have come up a few times just this past week, so I thought I'd have a go at giving my version of the answers, at least...

You see, for many if not most home educators whose children were in school before being deregistered to home educate, part of the reason for choosing to do so was because they could see that their child was being failed or damaged by school.  This is not an exercise in teacher-bashing - I love teachers - it is just an acknowledgement that the school system is not good for all children.

Regular readers of this blog will know that this applied to at least one of my children, so I can empathise with the angst-laden deliberations over whether or not to leave a child in school... trying to balance the need for repeated conversations with staff with not wanting to come across as a pushy parent; the incessant arguing inside your own head, debating whether you're falling for some clever childish manipulation that your much-loved offspring is making up/ putting on, or whether your instincts are actually right and they are really suffering; the desperate wishful feelings of "maybe it will be better next term"...all of which deliberating delays the decision to remove them.

It is a horrible feeling to realise that a decision you once made in good faith for your child turned out to be the wrong one for them.  It is oh-so-easy to beat yourself up about it and wish with hindsight that you had woken up to what was going on sooner.  But that is completely unhelpful.  In this scenario the absolutely most helpful thing you can do for your child and for yourself is to deschool.

What is deschooling?
It is a period of time, usually immediately after the child is deregistered, when the child is given little to no required learning - when they are free to play and begin to get over the negative experiences they have had at school. 
If it helps, think 'detox'.  Detoxing is a tool used by people who have been on an unhealthy diet for a while, high in fats, sugars and other toxins that have been stored by the body.... so deschooling is needed by children who have been in an unhealthy learning environment, absorbing unhealthy attitudes towards themselves and learning. To leap from an unhealthy diet (or learning environment) straight to a more healthy one is sometimes not enough.  Old cravings and unhelpful behaviour patterns creep back in, often without noticing.  For some people, a detox is needed: a period of time when no toxic matter is consumed, to allow the body to get rid of the old negative influences.  The toxins are released into the body and expelled - and the person concerned starts to feel the benefits.  Hopefully you see where I'm going.  A child who has experienced a negative educational environment will struggle to go straight in to any other educational experience.  They need a period of little to no required learning, when they can heal from the emotional wounds and low self-confidence, and start to feel better about themselves - the foundation for any healthy childhood.
For the parent, deschooling is an invaluable period of time for you to reconnect with your child and rethink your own learned assumptions on what makes for a good education. 

How long does it take to deschool?
Hmmm.  That is as easy to determine as working out how damaged your child was.  A rough rule of thumb that I was given was to allow roughly one month for every year that the child was in school.  HOWEVER, that is a very rough rule of thumb.  Middle had been in school for three years.  It took him only a month or two to relax, let go of the over-riding depression and anxiety, and become the happy, chilled, loving boy that he had been before.  Then it took a further ten months before he was confident in his abilities as a learner.  Even now, sixteen months later, we still occasionally hit a blip and he needs extra help to get over a learned negative attitude to anything that looks like schoolwork.
For the parent, especially the majority who went through the school system themselves, deschooling can take much longer.  I still have to periodically stop myself from defaulting to old ideals of 'broad curriculum' and self-discipline (they have their place but are not the foundation of what we do), and remind myself of what I actually want for the children: confidence, enthusiasm about learning, freedom to explore their own passions etc.  When a home educator has a 'wobble' and questions 'am I doing enough?' or 'am I denying my children a better life?' etc, it is often because they are going through another level of detox, ditching old school-based ideals.

How do I deschool my child(ren)?
The answer to that is going to be different for every parent, every child.  It is whatever works for you.  However, key features of deschooling involve agreeing with the child that they do not have to do any school work for a given period of time (I recommend at least the rule of thumb as mentioned above, with a review at the end where you are prepared to extend the deschooling time).  Don't worry about them 'falling behind' their peers - learning is neither a race nor a competition.  That is some of the old-school thinking that you will need to detox from.  Your child has been disabled by a crippling emotional experience.  You wouldn't expect someone with a broken leg to run on it straight away - so you need to accept that they will need time to heal before they can handle any demands on their newly healed self-belief.  During this time the child needs to be given space to play, read, get outdoors, make things, hang out with you (and siblings), talk about their experiences at school (when they are ready) - whatever they want.  For some this may mean a lot of time on computer games or watching TV for a season.  Personally I would say not to worry about this too much - it really won't last forever, although I admit I did agree with my boys a screen-time limit, partly because of the deterioration in their behaviour after too long on it, and partly because I wanted them to reconnect with their imaginations and the world around them.  We spent a lot of time outdoors... still do, to be honest. 
The focus of the adult is to play with their child(ren), chat together, visit places and do things together, learn about them again: what makes them tick, what their preferred style of learning is etc.  It is also a time where you naturally find yourself starting to re-examine what you previously held to be true about education, and investigate alternatives (you will come across terms like 'unschooling', 'structure', 'child-led', 'curriculum-based', and authors like Charlotte Mason & John Holt (amongst many others).  Don't worry, it's not as heavy as it may sound - your own thoughts about education will naturally take you on your own journey of exploration and learning.

What if the Local Authority want to see what we're doing?
Legally as new home educators you are entitled to a period of time where you explore possibilities open to you before you commit to any style or form of education.  Even if and when you do choose your own educational philosophy, they still have no legal right to demand to see any work.  They are only entitled to make enquiries to satisfy themselves that an education is being undertaken - basically, that you are taking this seriously.  You do not have to have them round, and you do not have to show them anything.  I sent my LA a brief outline of our HE philosophy (our approach), and that was it.
.....

Phew - that turned out to be longer than I intended, oops.  I wanted to try to answer the main questions that crop up but don't want to overwhelm you - but please, please do reply with any questions if you feel unsure.  I love Home Ed, love helping others to Home Ed - and deschooling was such an invaluable blessing to us as a family, I would love to help as many people as I can to experience the same.

PS I deliberately haven't addressed the style of education that you will adopt after deschooling.  You may love it so much and realise that your children are learning all the time without trying, that you carry on 'deschooling' indefinitely - like unschooling.  Or you may decide that a form of structure with some required learning elements needs introducing.  Either way, it matters not - deschooling rocks (and gives you all the time you need to think about it).  Happy deschooling!

Finding Our Way

It's been a really good weekend - I feel like I'm starting to make sense of things.  As I mentioned at the end of Friday's post, Structure v Autonomy, a friend pointed me in the direction of a really helpful blog about what the author, Melissa Wiley, calls "Tidal Homeschooling", where home education flows in seasons, at times led by the mother/ educator on projects that she leads them all on, and at other times led by the children's freedom to explore and mull over things that appeal to them.  The post may have been a few years old, but I read it at exactly the right time for me!  In the post there is a link to all of the Tidal Homeschooling posts that followed the original, and they were also really helpful.  One in particular caused a lovely penny-dropping moment.  It was while reading her post Tidal Homeschooling, Part 3.  I recommend reading the whole post as I found it all so beneficial - but the bit that impacted me the most was a quote that obviously similarly impacted her...

“The adults in the child’s life,” writes the Headmistress, referencing Charlotte Mason,

"have the ‘power of appeal and inspiration,’ and the responsibility to act ‘the part of guide, philosopher and friend’ to these young people with wonderful minds but no knowledge to speak of.
“Or… we can just abandon them to their uninformed judgment about what’s important and what isn’t, leave them to their own devices, and allow them to believe that their own judgment about what is and is not important to know is just as well informed and solid an opinion as Mortimer Adler’s, Thomas Jefferson’s, Peter’s, Paul’s, or…. yours. Leaving children to pick up what scraps of knowledge they think to ask about, willy nilly, is not doing them any favors. It isn’t respectful of their situation as newcomers to the world or to the adults they will grow up to be. And if we don’t do our job as the adults in their lives when they are small, the adults they grow up to be will have a malnourished background upon which to build.’ "
 

Reading that was like coming home!  It was like somebody had put their finger right on the area that had been niggling away at me since we started exploring Home Education and trying to find a balance that works for us. Once I read the above quote, and the subsequent comments made by the blogger, about the importance of guiding your children (in an autonomous setting that usually involves strewing interesting books, TV documentaries, day trips, experiences etc across their paths, that they would most likely otherwise not have noticed - and seeing what they choose to pick up and run with), I realised that at times I had fallen into the trap of thinking that autonomous education is about just leaving the children to it (it's not) - and it was at those times that I started craving more structure as it's the only way I am familiar with of leading.   

So clearly, for me now it is not so much about structure v autonomy as it is about parent-led v child-led.  And I have given us permission to be a delightful mixture of both.  Tidal learners in fact (thank you, Melissa Wiley) - at times led by Mummy's (and Daddy's) ideas of what they might enjoy or what would be good for them to be exposed to, with all the enthusiasm and fun we can infuse into whatever it is - and at times led by their own choices and decisions on what they would like to learn more about - with plenty of time just to mull over and play.

*Big sigh of relief*  I feel like my head is back where it needs to be!  Such a relief! Thank you for still reading and being patient while I sorted my thoughts out!

So anyway,  having given myself permission to be more pro-active in their learning (I know, it's embarrassing the silly muddles I can get myself in), I had one-on-one chats with the older boys on Saturday (I have no qualms about Youngest currently), to find out what they think about what we're doing.  It turns out one of the things they miss from school is "Merit Box": a box of small toys and treats that they would 'buy' with the merits they had earned for good work or behaviour during the week.  Much as I don't like a system that invariably falls into unhealthy comparisons (the "good" children always getting more merits than the "naughty" ones), I don't want to deny them something they enjoy - so we have started a small treasure box with the left over party favours from Middle's birthday (chocolate coins, glowsticks etc) - and now we just need to agree on what basis they get the treasure...

Also, I showed Eldest some lapbooks that friends had been kind enough to post online for me to see.  Well, he couldn't wait to start making one - about ocean life, unsurprisingly - but he wants it to be a big one, with chapters - so I taped a few square files together to give him ten pages to fill.  He has already designed and printed the cover, printed some photos and written the 'chapter' on endangered fish. When I say chapter, it was a sentence or two with photos under flaps, but it's his, and he's enthusiastic about it (and he's learning while researching) - so I'm happy!

Whe I asked Middle what he wanted to learn about his smile vanished and shoulders slumped.  "Oh poo" I thought - "he really is still deschooling".  I hastily changed the 'schoolish' terminology of "learning" and reassured him I meant was there anything he was interested in finding out about.  He thought seriously for a moment and then his face brightened a bit and he said, "we-ell, I could do about growing!" (still thinking in terms of having to perform).  I asked if he'd like to get some frogspawn later on and watch it grow into frogs, and he got much happier and started describing a "circle with arrows" (lifecycle) picture that he wanted to draw... and hopped down and ran off to draw just that.  When I showed him the lapbooks online his response was not so enthusiastic as Eldest (Middle seeing it as work to be done), but when I provided him with a folder today to stick his drawings in, he was very keen.  I just need to remember that with him it's all about momentum: just get him interested and the rest follows; if you present a task up front he finds it off-putting, regardless of how much he would actually enjoy it in practice.

So hopefully I'll have some lap-book photos to share in my next post - but for now, I just feel a lot happier that my head is settled and my boys are enthusiastic learners once more - we're still mooching round the woods, (see A Little Wobble from last week) but not feeling so direction-less any more... we're meandering wth purposeful enjoyment once again!

A Little Wobble

I don't ever seem to get major wobbles - you know, the sort that make you seriously consider if your child(ren) would be better off in school.  Because mine have already done the school thing I am completely confident that they are better off with me (for reasons that regular blog-readers will be familiar with, so I won't take up space by repeating it all here).  However, the little sneaky wobbles where you just catch yourself wondering "am I doing this right?"; "is my child ever going to get interested in anything other than Minecraft?"; "should we be doing X Y or Z?" (argh, "should"... *smacks head*  shoulds are never far from the wobbles!)... yes, I get those! 

So I've been thinking about this again, and I've concluded that I'm feeling a bit directionless.  One thing I liked about teaching was having it all laid out before you - the national curriculum clearly showing the way; a nice broad path, clearly marked out, heading ultimately to one goal: GCSEs (or equivalent).  Subjects, Topics, Workbooks, Attainment Targets, Lesson Plans, Assessment Forms - easy peasy (apart from the phenomenal amount of work involved in creating and maintaining all of the above!!).  Of course, the main problem was guiding groups of different children with different abilities and different passions along the same path.  It wasn't in fact a production line where you could put each child through the same process and get the same results at the end.  Some children flourished, some struggled, some were ruined.  Hence the perceived need for Home Education: the chance for us to walk a different path; one of our own making... a little adventure.  No nice straight path here - more of a meander through the woods, exploring whichever openings take our fancy, with some openings leading to dead-ends, some possibly getting a bit boggy, and some leading to absolutely glorious, soul-flooding places of wonder where you just want to set up camp.  Best of all, getting to share that path with the people I love most in the world.

But... do you see the problem?  Wandering in the woods is lovely - truly; it's one of my favourite things to do.  It's just that sometimes you can get a bit lost.  And at times like this you can find yourself longing to be back on the straight open road with signposts everywhere, and the reassurance of millions of other people all doing the same thing...  No?  Well OK, maybe not - but at least a map would be nice!

So that's where I am: a little bit lost.  Yes, we're dong the English & Maths curriculum.  My twin safety blankets of Reading Eggs and MathsWhizz - the equivalent of those little yellow arrows you get in the woods, giving a vague sense of direction (and a little sigh of relief: "oh good, a yellow arrow: at least I'm on a recognised route; even if it's not the one I started on, it'll take me somewhere civilised!").  If sometimes I get a little concerned that the online 'work' is getting too boring for the boys, or it's going against my desire to have them following only their passions, I give them a few days off (like we have this week), and reaasure myself that half an hour a day is hardly going to stop their brains working for themselves.  And yes, I have given myself permission to make suggestions, to invite them into the things that I think would be interesting.  They make suggestions too.  It's nice; we have fun; we learn... I'm just feeling a bit 'where-next'-ish.

OK then, so when I'm lost what do I do?  Well first I try to work out where I am. In HE terms, this is like taking stock of where we are.  Take Eldest this morning.  I didn't think he'd done anything much except mooch, but after a lovely little chat (I wasn't interrogating him honest, just taking an interest!) it turns out he had...
1/ written a poem for Mummy about Mummy
2/ learned about the Tudors and pirates on 'Horrible Histories Gory Games' (TV)
3/ drawn Spongebob cartoons for Middle
4/ built lego constructions
5/ experimented with building a tornado machine using plastic bottles
6/ learned more about wildlife on 'Barney's Barrier Reef' and 'Natural Born Hunters'
7/ read a few books:  the Ultimate Official Guide to Club Penguin,  Waddle On Joke Book,  Professor Bumblebrains Bonkers Book of God
For a mooch, I'd say he's been quite productive!  What a little star!
And as for Middle and Youngest?  They played together really nicely all morning!  Marble runs, Kid K'nex constructions, imaginative role play... and more.  They were playing so nicely I didn't want to interrupt.  Yes I would have liked them doing things I could more easily tick off as 'subjects', but I know better than to try to make them confirm to my wobbly insecurities.  Personally, yes, I would like a bit more structure (not least because a few of my friends are having very successful structured times of it at the moment, which always brings it to my attention again) - but I'm fairly sure that Middle at least would balk at the idea. Eldest might go for it for a while, but he's doing OK without anyway. Youngest has lost any interest in workbooks etc - but he's easy in the sense that he's very definite about his likes and interests. If he wants to learn something you won't stop him, and if he doesn't want to, there's no point trying to persuade him.  Generally, it's quite clear to me that there is still some deschooling in process.

If I know where we are (we're doing OK, learning, and to a degree still deschooling), we can't be totally lost!  The next question then is: do I know where we're going?  Not in terms of having signposts and maps, or tickboxes no - but generally?  I need to remind myself of why I'm doing this - what's the goal?  Basically, we're aiming at producing happy, well-adjusted individuals, capable of discovering and pursuing their own interests.  Exams are not our goal.  When you've been in educational surroundings for as long as I have, it can seem that exam results are the be-all and end-all of education - so forgive me if I'm stating the obvious... I just need to remind myself so I don't go into autopilot.  You know that feeling when you're an experienced driver - you're driving along and realise that you weren't paying full attention, you're just on auto-pilot, following the familar roads that you're used to, to get home or another well-travelled-to destination?  Well in educational terms, exams are my auto-pilot. I need to periodically remind myself that that is NOT our destination any more.  True, they may well be a valuable stop off along the way, to help any of our boys get to where they want to go, but my focus is on producing enthusiastic and capable learners, and eventually adults who are fulfilled in their lives.  The boys don't yet know what they want from lives occupation-wise, so there's no point looking for a map to follow.  We're back to meandering, exploring & looking for the next inspiration to strike.

To go back to where I started then...am I still feeling lost?  Um... well, still a bit directionless, but given that none of the boys have expressed any desire to learn/ achieve any one thing at the moment, that's understandable.  We are heading in the right direction - and I'm pretty sure at least some of us are still deschooling (I certainly am).  Whatever we do, while writing this post I have come to realise again that the hardest thing about HE for me is that I can't use any one method with all three boys.  I think I need to focus again on the best way to help Eldest, the best way to help Middle, and the best way to help Youngest - and see where that leads us.  Following three individual paths at once? Now there's a challenge!  And a whole other blog post!  Excuse me while I go & let my brain whirr...

Normal Service to be Resumed Shortly

Hooray for time off!  My brain is starting to return to normal again - we've had a lovely week just enjoying being together, with no pressure - I guess it was a sort of half-term, in that we had got to a point of needing a break.  It kind of felt a little naughty, as the schools here aren't on half-term for another week and a half - but then, the boys were gearing up their 'learning' before the schools went back in September, so it's not really surprising that we were a bit tired sooner.  And anyway, one of the many things that I love about HE is that we can just take a break whenever we need to, rather than dragging our feet for weeks until we get scheduled time off :)

So anyway, if you've been following, you'll know I've been thinking about restrictions, suggestions, structure etc, and I think I've decided on the 'tweaks' that I started suspecting we needed a week ago in Not-so-helpful Suggestions. 

Firstly, we had been running a "no-screen-time until after lunch" rule, which kind of bit me on the bum as it seemed to generate a desire for screen-time AS SOON AS allowed.  I'm going to tweak that so that although Mummy will still have no laptop time before lunch (otherwise blogging/ facebook/ photobooks would leech all my time with the boys), the boys are free to watch TV/ go on the PC whenever they like.  After all, it really wasn't an issue when they were deschooling: they watched less then than they do now.  The thing I do have an issue with is the games consoles.  A chat with my wise friend helped me to realise that PC time is actually OK - pretty much the whole time they are on it, they are learning something valuable.  Games consoles however seem to shut down their ability to think creatively.  They're OK for encouraging teamwork occasionally (depending on the game), but on the whole they seem pretty mind-numbing.  So I'm not going to ban them or place set restrictions specifically - but I am hoping to just try to distract the boys away from playng on them if they are mentioned - with the aim that maybe we'll save them for weekends/ holidays... we'll see how it goes, anyway.

Secondly, I was concerned that by making suggestions so frequently, the boys were depending on me for ideas instead of thinking creatively for themselves, and finding their own inspiration.  Where I had viewed suggestions as just a verbal kind of strewing, it turns out that actually they carry more weight than books/ resources just left hanging about, as the boys perceive that I want them to do the things I'm suggesting.  And it's true, I do - although usually just because it looks like fun, and we do usually have fun - but by relying on my suggestions every day they were making noticeably less effort to discover their own interests.  It's not the worst thing in the world in terms of Home Education, but it's just not what I want for them.  So I think I'm going to restrict myself.  Some kind of schedule really does help me, albeit a very gentle, flexible one - so I think I'm going to limit my suggestions to my favourite days, Mondays, and see how it goes.  Tuesday - Friday it will be all about the boys finding/ developing their own ideas, but that still leaves me with a day when I get to suggest things that I've seen that I think they'd like that they otherwise wouldn't have thought of.  I'm not totally convinced about this, but we'll give it a go and see what we learn :)

Thirdly I was thinking about structure: the small amount of online curriculum that I ask of them.  I never get into a fight about it with them - if they really resist, I don't push it - but I do ask them to do an hour each of Reading Eggs & MathsWhizz per week, and I still feel that for us, that is about right.  I've been reading comments from people who home educate in a much-more structured way, and I have to say, it does appeal to my routine-loving teacher-head; I'm just not convinced that the boys would go for it...  actually, I'm convinced one of them would really struggle - so we're going to keep it light and do the minimum that I am happy with, leaving them the rest of the time to be as "autonomous" as they like (as long as that doesn't involve games consoles!!!)

So that's where we're at now - hooray for wobbles that cause me to step back and reboot :)  Tomorrow we have our regular '360 soft play' HE group trip, which is always lovely, and then next week is going to be really busy with Legoland (hooray for them letting Home Educators visit at school prices!), visiting best friends, HE coffee morning & Usborne book sale, barbers visit and non-school photos - so all of the above is on hold until the following week anyway, but I feel better for having had the chance to sort my brain out!

Also, today I received my copy of A Funny Kind of Education by Ross Mountney.  Ross wrote the first book I ever read on HE, Learning without School, when we were first serously considering Home Education early this year.  It was absolutely the best book I could have read at the time - answered all of our practical questions and encouraged me that we could do it.  Ross's experience as well as her practical, humorous, non-judgemental style makes her one of my favourite Home Ed authors (she has a brilliant blog too: here), so I'm really looking forward to reading this new book, a more personal account of her HE journey with her own family.  Actually *whispers* I read a few chapters earlier when the boys were occupied with other things - I couldn't resist - and I can already see that it's going to be a fun and encouraging read.  Having met Ross online since reading her first book, I know she is such a lovely person that she often reads other HE blogs and offers encouragement, so I'm fairly sure she'll be reading this, blushing away (Hi Ross, *cheeky grin*) - but this isn't flattery: I honestly and strongly recommend her books!

Finally, mini-blogger's fans will be pleased to know he has written some more in his diary (so much for my concerns in September that he wasn't interested in writing) - so I'll leave you in his entertaining little hands...

13th October
11:02am
played predator with (Middle).  I was
     1st - snowleopard
     2nd - octopus
     3rd - lion. 
     Yep, (Middle) was the prey and would not survive in the wild.

17th October
8:08am 
at the 14th, 15th and 16th I didn't feel writey!  Feel a bit writey now.

7:05pm 
normal day.  I did
two days ago - waking up, eating, sleeping
one day ago - waking up, eating, sleeping
today - waking up, eating, sleeping
tomorrow - waking up, eating, sleeping
Where's entertainment when you NEED IT!

7:26pm
calmed down
Bored, have a cold, and MESSY room.  "BOOOO!"
I'm so annoyed that my room is a mess, I'm reduced to a puddle.

7:41pm
froze to normal shape, no longer puddle

18th October
9:12am
at night, hedgehog in garden - amazing
morning, woodpecker in woods - amazing
5 min ago, tidy up - not amazing
VERY WRITEY ME

System is Rebooting...

Rebooting my internal system that is (not a schedule kind of system) - just a complete "switch off and restart".  When my laptop/ PC freezes or starts 'throwing a wobbly' (usually because there are too many processes being computed - hmmm...), the first thing I do is switch off and start again.  So I'm doing the same for myself after my HE wobble last week - just switching off and starting again.  Switching off = no restrictions, no expectations, no suggestions - as mentioned on Saturday's post, Deschooling Top-up.  And just enjoying my boys and celebrating who they are... that's what I call starting again: focusing on the main thing, which is my beautiful children.  So I'm deliberately avoiding looking at the so-called "educational achievements" of today, & focusing instead on the fun we had together (none of which, I hasten to add, was instigated by me - hooray)...

I had some lovely cuddly time with Youngest: enjoying tickles and giggles; reading 'Percy the Park-keeper stories (his current favourite); playing at puppies and tigers; and having quite a surreal conversation where our socked feet turned into aliens who had got here from space via a flying van.  We also spent some time together on my laptop, printing off pictures to colour in, and playing the Alphablocks game on the CBeebies website, which he loves.

Middle and I had some cute little chats (very sincere on his part while I just tried not to kiss his serious little face) about when he can go camping with Daddy again and have a campfire - and also about thinking we should do some more cooking (sadly no baking possible until the groceries arrive tomorrow)... and we had a lovely snuggly time making up stories with each other - starting off fairly innocuously with a a hedgehog who farted his way almost to the moon and back (inspired partly I think by the awesome Felix Baumgartner's stratosphere jump that we watched live yesterday - altough I suspect his fuel was a little more refined).  Our story then progressed to a whole new level of surrealism.  I'll spare you the details, but just mention that it involved shrink-rays, butt-holes and exploding eyeballs.  It was such a precious time with my boy, having him giggling so much that he was struggling to get the words out to finish the story :)

Eldest has spent most of the day on the computer, which is not as isolating as it sounds.  He has a little notepad computer that has a broken screen so he hasn't been able to use it for a while.  Clever Daddy hooked it up to a normal monitor for him yesterday, so he can still use the laptop & all the things he had saved on it.  So today we spent some time together uploading all of his photos, and I showed him how to edit them & play around with effects etc in Picasa - my favourite free downloadable photo-editing (and sharing) software.  He had a great time - has been waiting to do it for ages, so it was lovely to get some time to spend helping him make it happen.  This was one of his favourite works of art, called "my alien Daddy"...

At one point today I did ask them to come away from their respective screens, so they could rest their eyes - otherwise they'd have stayed on the various computers etc all day which would not have been healthy.  Not a set restriction, just common sense in my opinion...  Anyway, Youngest found my set of cuisenaire rods and they all played with those for a while, then Middle and Youngest went and jumped in the leaves that are accumulating rapidly on the trampoline (hooray for fresh air) while Eldest found more things to take photos of.  He also drew some comic-strips that beautifully capture the juxtaposed realities found in his beloved Calvin & Hobbes, but the first one of which sadly I can't share here as he mentions himself and his brother by name.  I will have to transcribe & hope you catch some of the fun:
box 1: picture of snow leopard, with caption: "(Eldest) the snow-leopard creeps up on his prey"
box 2: picture of snow leopard leaping, with caption: "and then pounces on his prey"
box 3: picture of snow leopard on top of deer, with caption: "he grabs his prey tightly"
box 4: picture identical to box 3, except it is two boys, named as Eldest on top of Middle
Hmmm, it definitely loses something by not being able to see it. Well, here's his second one...

Before you ask (not that you would), I'm not sharing this as an academic achievement - I'm sharing it cos it's my blog and I'll brag if I want to... because he's my boy and he makes me laugh :)
In fact, laughs have figured highly in today's rebooting session... so that's the rest of the week planned out then: laughter!

Deschooling Top-up

So, following on from my ponderings over structure/ suggestions/ screen-restrictions etc...

The only conclusion I am prepared to make so far is that we need a little time to top-up on our deschooling.  I am fully prepared to admit that it is I who needs more deschooling, rather than the boys - but hey, they're not going to complain if I back-off on my expectations a bit.  I still don't think we are very structured on a daily basis, but I caught myself thinking something that shocked me a bit & made me realise how much deschooling I still need (or maybe not deschooling, maybe just a slap round the head with a wet kipper...).  Prepare yourselves, perfect parents, for a shocking admission.  I was mulling over the whole quandrary of whether or not to restrict TV; whether or not to set expectations of even a small amount of time on curricular work; whether to suggest activities or let them find their own learning fun... and while it was all spinning round inside my head, I heard the thought flit across my brain: "but how do I make them learn anything?"  Aaarrrggghhh!  That is totally NOT what I want for me or my boys.  I don't want to MAKE them learn - in fact, I don't think it's even possible to MAKE someone learn something.  I suppose certain facts can be artificially imposed onto one's conscious thought by mind-numbing repetition and brain-washing - but that is not what I mean by learning.  Learning is experiential - it is expanding how we think, by way of new surroundings/ materials/ scenarios, by being exposed to different people, different ways of thinking...  and I do believe all of that -  so where did this insecure little mini-dictator spring from inside me?

Some may call this a wobble - and I do understand that the 'wobbles' are a normal part of Home Educating, that come in all sorts of guises.  Well - mostly normal: I have one friend who never seems to wobble - I think it has something to do with the fact that she was home educated herself as a child - and she just seems to radiate this confidence that her boys will be fine - because she knows she is fine, after all she survived Home Ed without being socially unskilled or incapable of finding a career :)  I would love that confidence, rather than the feeling that to Home Educate is to reinvent the wheel!  I am absolutely confident that Home Education is completely right for our family - it's just un-nerving to have little mini-dictators appearing in one's inner thought life! So, my way of dealing with my wobbly dictator (hmm, interesting image) is to ignore it.  Not deny that it is there, but pay it no attention, as to focus on it would be the quickest way to go up my own exhaust-pipe.

So my plan is as stated, to deschool myself a little more - back off on the small amount of restrictions, suggestions & expectations that we have - and just spend a week or so just enjoying my boys and reminding myself why we chose to Home Educate them.  Instead of focusing on what they are/ are not doing academically, I will celebrate their achievements and focus on true learning - giving them space to push past any boredom, discover their own enthusiasm and just value my time with them - what better gift can I give them than to enjoy being with them and enjoy what they are enjoying?  What can they possibly learn that is more important than to know that they are valuable just as they are, and that the things that they care about really do matter...

I quite like this wobble - i'm looking forward to the week ahead now :)

PS Having just read this blog post - Remember You're a Parent (Ross Mountney), the whole blog seemed to confirm what I have been thinking - thanks Ross! - and her last sentence really resonated with me: "it’s relationships that build happy and educative lives!"  How blessed I am, that I get to invest in relationships with my children.  That, above any educational philosophy, is the thing that will set my children up for a successful life :)

Not-so-helpful Suggestions...

Much as I love our little routine that we've been getting into, I feel it needs a tweak.  The problem is, where we've had a "no TV or games console until after lunch" rule, it seems to have created a false appetite for those things that I don't remember being there before.  Or maybe it was there - I can't remember if they actually watched a lot of TV & played on the Wii a lot over the holidays, or if that's just how it felt at the time...?! Anyway, regardless of that, we do now have the rule in place, and it does seem that as soon as we have lunch, the TV now goes on automatically.  So I'm just wondering: have I brought that about by having the rule in the first place?  You know how it goes: if you tell a child "don't touch that" they are immediately tempted to touch whatever it is, even though they may not have even noticed it before.  Perhaps by restricting TV access I have made them more aware of its appeal...?
Further to this, I have also noticed that they have not been so forthcoming with their own ideas of things they want to do as they were before the summer.  I have a feeling this has something to do with the slight structure that we have in place.  I ask them to do a bit (about an hour in total) of MathsWhizz and Reading Eggs every week - but other than that we are generally fairly unstructured.  Also, I've been making more suggestions this 'term', which is more of a habit than a structure but still significant.  You see, when they first came out of school they found it very hard to think of what they wanted to do - they were totally used to having entertainment/ learning processes set in front of them.  Through the deschooling process they learned more about themselves and where their interests actually lay: they learned how to think for themselves - they worked out what they wanted to learn about, and just got on with exploring, finding, enjoying etc - and we all loved it.  This term (our first real term of HE if you discount the deschooling) I have asked very little of them, but have made suggestions based largely on things they have previously mentioned or things that I think will interest them.  I saw it as a kind of verbal strewing - just putting the ideas out there and seeing what the children pick up on.  To be honest though - they generally like anything I suggest (I do try to suggest fun things!); we have been busy, learned lots and had lots of fun.  I am just a little concerned that they aren't thinking for themselves so much again, but rather depending on my suggestions before lunch & reverting to screen time after lunch.  It's certainly not a disaster as far as Home Education goes - but it is food for thought.
So I'm off again - pondering; musing - not wobbling exactly, just considering... and thinking we may have our 'half-term' now: we have a VERY busy two weeks coming up anyway, so we may just use that time to back right off from any structure again, and see what happens.  I don't want to extend the 'no TV' hours, or ban it totally, but I really do want to encourage them away from depending on it to entertain them. (Learning on the TV is another matter - we love that!) We currently have nothing at all planned for half-term, so maybe we'll resume a bit of structure then - it depends what I learn from the next week or two...

Meanwhile we've been having a lovely week.  Craft club on Tuesday saw the boys painting the clay models they made earlier this month, and then making "fossils" (as they called them) out of clay, plaster-of-paris, and little toy creatures.  Their clay models are being re-fired, but we were able to bring the fossils home - and today we used a paint-wash to give them a bit of colour (one of just two suggestions that Mummy made today).  The boys are all really pleased; they look great :)

  

     Middle's "Fossils"                                Eldest's "Fossils"  

 

Youngest's "Fossils"

Yesterday we went to visit some new HE friends, and had a really good time with them.  It took up most of the day, so we had no time for anything else, but we didn't care - it was just lovely for me to see the boys socialising so easily... and of course, Mummy and the other grown-ups had a lovely natter too!  I realised that one of the things I have really appreciated since we started our journey has been the support of people around us who haven't tried to tell us what to do (even when the experienced Home Ed'ors could doubtless see all of my naive mistakes right here in my blog), but have just stood alongside us and encouraged us that we could find the right way for us. Thank you everyone!

Today has been lovely too.  Apart from the fossil paint-washing, my only other suggestion (I am going to try not to make them for the time being) was to ask Eldest if he still wanted to do some baking (he did) as I had some soured cream to use up, so we made some gorgeous Cinnamon Squares - it made the kitchen smell all Christmassy and we got to eat cake at lunch-time - hoorah!

Also today Middle has been making different types of paper aeroplane.  He has somehow memorised how to make four different types ('bug', 'dart', 'glider' and 'super-cool short plane'!) - three of which were in a book he had months ago, and one of his own invention.  I am really impressed that he's remembered all the differently precise folds - but he's such a visual person, I needn't really be surprised.  He even taught our lodger how to make her first paper plane this morning!  Now that's mastery - when you can impart a skill that you have learned to someone else!

As I deliberately stepped back from making suggestions today, the boys found their own activities - and there was a LOT of imaginative play going on today - Middle and Youngest spent a lovely long time playing with playdough, making all sorts of things - meals, planets, animals and using them in role-play.  Eldest spent a long time in his room, making things with his lego and orchestrating battles etc.  Once upon a time my teacher-brain would not have handled them "just playing" like that (except for maybe Youngest), but the further we go on this journey, the more I see how vital it is: for them to be able to explore in their own worlds causes all the little neurons in their brains to make new connections, and can lead to who-knows-how-many fascinating discoveries.  This is genuine learning.  As Albert Einstein said,

"Imagination is more important than knowledge"
 

It is not an indulgence, nor is it a cop-out to try to justify them playing as if we feel they "should" be studying (in a more academically acceptable way): it is VITAL  that we allow our children the space for imaginative play.  How else can we provide them with the opportunity to naturally expand their minds?  Feeding them facts is OK if that is what they are interested in, but in encouraging them to explore their imaginations and the world around them, we are presenting them with endless possibilities.  Another one from Einstein:

"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent or absorbing positive knowledge"

Finally, speaking of Neurons, I thought I'd share Eldest's quiz question for Daddy that he left stuck to his bedroom door yesterday:

For those who didn't already know, the answer is (a) - and I tell you what: if we have that many neurons, and learning new things causes them to connect in new way, no wonder I can feel my brain stretching!

Gentle Planning

A much nicer day today (not so flobberly!)  I was woken up by youngest bringing a little lego man into bed with me, who (the lego man) proceeded to shoot me while Youngest warmed up his freezing feet on my legs - yikes!!!  Apparently the lego man was shooting me to show how much he loved me, which seems a strange way of showing it - but actually it made for about fifteen minutes of really nice play-time together, before Middle and Eldest realised we were having fun and came in to bundle on the bed.  I could only take five minutes of being treated as a trampoline, so then we all had to get up, but I did appreciate once more the opportunity to get up gradually and have fun together, rather than having to stress about being up "in time" for anything.

Downstairs, I resisted the temptation to put the laptop on (lately it had become my first port of call for weather forecasts, news headlines and other 'necessary' information, invariably leading to e-mails, Facebook or other similar time-wasting opportunities), and had a nice breakfast with the boys before heading back up to their rooms for some much needed training in tidying-up.  Said tidying-up was a bit of a tortuous process - I kept catching myself putting things away instead of talking the boys through it.  Eldest's room wasn't too bad (it had been the guest room for our recent visitors), so I left him to it and he did a really good job once he got past the distraction of the lego on the floor that was crying out to be played with.  Middle and Youngest eventually did a very good job too, once I sat on my hands to stop myself doing it for them!  There was an awful lot of me counting "3...2...1..." out loud as a way of helping them to focus on picking something up and deciding where it needed to go - but I realised that actually they do know how to tidy: they knew where everything belonged, they just needed help with concentrating on the job at hand.  I don't think they could have done it by themselves yet in the same way as their big brother - if I'd left them to it I think they would instantly have got distracted & started playing... but they did tidy up their whole room with very little exertion from me (other than the frustration of having to keep counting aloud).  So that was a successful time from my perspective.

Once the bedrooms were tidy we all went out for a walk to the park, and they had a lovely time letting off steam in the sunshine.  I got to play with my gorgeous boys and had a bit of one-on-one time with each of them, and they generally had lots of fun in the fresh air, making up imaginative games and getting exercise - happy times :)

This afternoon I had a little chat with the boys about what they wanted to learn this term - it felt weird putting it like that: in retrospect I wouldn't have used the word 'term' as it feels too schoolish and restrictive, but never mind - they weren't too put off by it.  Middle was fastest to respond: he said he wanted to learn cooking and cursive, and when I suggested Maths Whizz he graciously condescended to agree to doing a "little bit" (!)... and some Reading Eggs too... and to learn reading, which surprised me.  When I pointed out that he already knew how to read (in fact he reads very well indeed), he replied "yes, but not big books like you and (Eldest) read... I want to learn to read big books".  While this might sound like it would be music to my ears, I am slightly baffled as to what the difference is in his mind - and what his perceived barrier is (is he discouraged by comparing himself to bookaholics?).   I couldn't press him on the matter too much as I didn't want him to think it's a bigger deal than it is - but hopefully I'll find out any issues he might be having as we go along.  Anyway, I'm hoping that by presenting him with books that will stretch him a bit, he'll be happy with his progress... watch this space!

Not to be left out, Youngest announced that he wanted to do "Reading Eggs and playing with things" - well that really is music to my ears: I think we can easily facilitate that ;)

However, Eldest wasn't as forthcoming as his brothers with things he wanted to learn next... maybe he needs more time to deschool?  Anyway, after a few prompts from me he did express strong enthusiasm for baking, experiments and anything to do with the World Wars - and agreed with less enthusiasm to do some MathsWhizz ("but not too much"!)

It does seem that Maths still holds negative connotations for both the older boys - maybe because it's the only thing we carried on with that looks vaguely school-related... it has made me question again how structured or autonomous I want us to be.  Our first term of deschooling (once I worked out that that was what we needed) was really successful over all, I think.  Through a bit of strewing and giving them the freedom to follow their own inspiration, they had many great experiences, learned LOTS, and most importantly, relaxed - and I'd be totally happy to carry on in the same way, but for this one small concern: is their current reluctance for Maths a result of my inability to lay it totally down last term?  I have to admit that even though we were deschooling, I did gently encourage the boys regarding MathsWhizz (and Reading Eggs for Middle - Youngest needed no persuasion), albeit with only occasional resistence.

I've often heard it said though that most Home Educators start off a lot more structured than they end up, and it's not like my boys have been scarred-for-life through a little required Maths practice; they're just not as keen on it as other things, which is fine.  I figure we'll just carry on as we are and as we grow in confidence maybe I'll lay that security blanket of Maths-curriculum down - or maybe I'll stop fretting about it and grow in confidence that I do know what's best for my children.  Who knows?  I'm not going to let it stress me out though - I'm just going to keep an eye on it as we go along.  It's not like we're making legally-binding plans, I'm just making note of our ideas because it's nice to have a sense of gentle direction.  One of the things I love about HE is that if our plans turn out not to suit us at all, we can change direction in the blink of an eye.  Gently does it :)

Fresh Starts

It was a bit of a flobberly day today (I think I just made that word up, but never mind - I like it).  I'm feeling dissatisfied now, probably because I got sucked into spending too much time on the computer today (editing the zillions of photos that I've taken over this past month) and not enough time with my boys.  I was keeping an eye on them, but it wasn't exactly quality time!  Time to renew my resolve not to turn the laptop on until after lunchtime - at least then we'll have the mornings to get some jobs done and have some time together with less distractions...

I was chatting to a friend today about the benefits of a change of pace.  The boys and I had a lovely first term of Home Ed, but as regular readers will know, by the end of it I was experiencing a sort of malaise/ exhaustion - and whereas I had seen no need until that point to do anything other than just carrying on the unstructured 'deschooling' through the 'school holidays', I really felt like I hit a wall and needed a break.  Enter a lovely holiday (booked last-minute), visiting friends and a mad camping weekend in the rain.  Those factors combined certainly provided the change of pace we all needed - and now I'm feeling ready to get into a nice steady routine again :)

So I've been thinking about what this next term is going to look like (I know, we don't have to stick to school terms, but this summer's experience has taught me that there is a real benefit to going with seasonal ebbs & flows). I haven't talked to the boys about it yet - partly because I want to pick my timing (time it wrong and it could turn into a 'big deal' discussion about learning, which could put them off), and partly because we've been a bit busy having holidays, visitors, and mad camping weekends ;)  I have a couple of things that I'd like to see: a return to the regular(ish) online curricula of MathsWhizz and Reading Eggs, with a little bit of an emphasis on handwriting too.  And as mentioned in a previous post, I do want to focus on training the boys in sharing jobs around the house as well.  All of this in a very gentle way though - I don't want to impose a heavy regime, I want the boys to be free to follow their own interests - these are just thoughts I've had.  It'll be interesting to see what the boys' thoughts are before we make any decisions... and of course, all decisions will be held very loosely anyway.  It is still of paramount importance that they enjoy their learning experiences!

So basically, I'm glad that flobberly day is over - fresh day tomorrow, and fresh term approaching as soon as we decide we're ready.  What with being refreshed by our holidays, that's all-round freshness! ;)

Caterpillar Crazy

Our new 'Painted Lady' baby caterpillars arrived today... they are super tiny!!! The last set we received had been in the Post Office depot for a couple of days by the time we got them, so we never saw any this teeny weeny (5mm long - Eldest measured them)!  For some reason Insect Lore decided to send me a huge 'pavilion' net (which I hadn't ordered) as a thank you.  I would get rid of it as clutter is the bane of my life, but I have a feeling it is quite likely to come in handy soon - you see, not content with having a new set of  baby caterpillars in the house, we now also have a second little net cage with caterpillars in!  We had the spare enclosure already from when Eldest used to have Stick Insects a couple of years ago, so the tiny Painted Lady ones will have their own home next to our newbies that have taken up residence...

caterpillar corner

the new teenie weenies

As yesterday afternoon was nice and dry, we went out to one of our favourite bug-hunting locations, Mardley Heath and had a glorious time there, just enjoying nature & the big outdoors :)  Mummy caught a little froglet which delighted the boys, and we saw LOTS of bugs including bees, snails, soldier beetles, wolf spiders (we think) carrying egg sacs, and some beautiful stripy caterpillars!  There were loads of these caterpillars everywhere we looked, so I was confident they were probably not an endangered species, and we brought a few home with us along with some stems of ragwort that they were feeding on (ragwort being a weed so we were OK to pick it - and I made sure we all gave our hands a really good wash when we got home as it is slightly toxic, but only really to horses and cattle who eat it in vast quantities).  Anyway, once home we discovered to our delight that our newly-acquired caterpillars would turn into Cinnabar moths.  I'd had a feeling that as the caterpillars were so beautiful, they would probably turn into boring moths - but although I happened to be right about the moth bit, Cinnabars are actually really pretty - I do hope they make it!  Of course, we're not experts, but we're keeping the habitat topped up with fresh ragwort - and we can only hope that they will pupate and emerge given time.  I was concerned about whether they would need something special to hang from before assuming chrysalis form, but it tunrs out they usually pupate on or under the ground - so they should be fine :) Obviously, as wild creatures I'm drumming it into the boys that assuming they successfully metamorphosize, they will be released back into the location where we collected them.
Wild creatures or not though, the boys have given them names (the five Painted Lady caterpillars are named after the five members of our family).  The cinnabar caterpillars are now called Hermie, Wormie and Frank, from a series of films that the boys love called "Hermie and Friends", about a Caterpillar who thinks he's too common and boring, until he realises that God made everything special in some way.  It's a nice gentle lesson for the boys in accepting themselves for who they are, and of course it was especially enjoyable because of the boys knowing all along that he was going to turn into a beautiful butterfly, such is their expert knowledge now ;)

Hermie (so I'm told)

So with all our new creepy-crawlie friends in the house, this afternoon went a bit caterpillar-crazy too!  Middle and Youngest had a lovely time making a giant caterpillar made of paper plates to display above our caterpillar habitats (seen above), and Eldest made some smartie cookies that were quickly displayed in caterpillar shape before being hastily eaten :)

cookie caterpillar

You know, even if we were structured in our approach to learning, I'm not sure I could have planned this as a 'project'.  Maybe I'm just not confident enough yet in the boys' willingness to go along with my plans - but whatever the reason, the fact that we're 'deschooling' still helps me to stay chilled about what we do - so any suggestions I make (like the paper plate caterpillar) are presented very casually - if they want to do it, great - but if it doesn't appeal to them, that's fine too.  My suggestions are a kind of verbal strewing: I put the ideas out there and just stand back to see which ones (if any) are picked up and enjoyed.  If they don't pick any up, I don't take it personally - I just go hunting for more ideas.  And actually, as they did pick up these ideas, I'm still going to hunt for more.  Once I've posted this, I'll be spending this evening surfing for further caterpillar inspiration!  I'll just keep going until they're ready to move on.

PS for the sake of keeping records (in case I wish I had, in future), today the boys also played on Maths Whizz (Eldest and Middle) and the CBeebies website (Youngest), made playdough models, turned paper plates into frisbees, and watched Deadly Art, Alphablocks & others on TV, read books, played games... and generally had fun!

Sunshine and Food for Thought

What a difference some good weather makes!  Not that we've had a bad week in itself, 'cos we haven't.  It's just that we've all really had enough of being stuck indoors.  Twice yesterday I looked out of the window to see the sun shining, but as soon as I told the boys they could go outside and play on the trampoline, it started raining - the first time it rained the exact second that eldest stepped outside (I'm not exaggerating), the second time they didn't even get their shoes on before the rain started again :(
So this morning (as with most mornings) it was with trepidation that I checked the forecast to find nothing but white clouds and yellow suns!  Hooray!  When I told the boys it was going to be sunny all day, Middle looked at me with wide incredulous eyes and asked, "really?"  Bless him - I felt like saying "when I was a little girl they used to do real summers when the sun shone nearly every day!" That may be rose-tinted nostalgia for you, but I don't ever remember a summer as wet as this one has been so far...
Anyway, we were all heartened by the good weather and decided today would be a good day to let our butterflies out into the big wide world (rather than tomorrow when the forecast is less bright). So even though we still have one left in chrysalis form, we set the others free - it felt mean keeping them trapped indoors now they have beautiful wings to use. Before we let them out, we did get to see them using their long curled proboscis to drink from the orange segments we put in their 'garden', so we felt we'd probably learned as much as we could for now.

  

butterfly feeding from orange       remaining (very dark) chrysalis

 

being released: posing on edge of net...    before flying to the nearest hedge

Being in positive sunny mood, we also re-attempted the bread rolls that went so badly the other day.  No problems this time - perfect result! Even better, they had cooled down just in time for lunch - yum!  Warm, buttered, freshly-baked bread has to be one of my top favourite foods :) 

While the dough was proving, Eldest went on Maths Whizz while Middle, Youngest and I played on Middle's Brainbox 'My First Pictures' game.  It's basically a memory game - they do a whole series of games about Nature, Maths, History etc etc - you have to memorise the facts or pictures that appear on the cards then answer a question about it without looking.  Lovely games, but not that easy!  Both the boys did really well (we allowed Youngest double time to look at the picture because of his age) - I think we might get some more from the series - their brains were well exercised and it was fun (they especially like it when Mummy gets one wrong). :)

This afternoon, we left our single chrysalis behind and went to the park.  It was a risk, because it (the chrysalis) had gone really dark so I felt it would be emerging any minute, and we did really want to see it come out, as we'd missed the others.  There was no way we were going to miss the only few hours of sunner this week though (we'll get more caterpillars if necessary), so we headed to one of the boys' favourite local parks with some friends... it felt really good to see them running about and playing together while us Mums (and Dad) chatted, all soaking up the sunshine and getting some fresh air... at LAST!  And of course, it wouldn't be play outdoors if they didn't get completely covered in mud from the puddles there... I am so grateful for baths and washing machines!

So anyway, once the boys were all in bed and I settled on my laptop with the rain pattering once more (sigh) against the window, I was going through my usual kind of mental checklist to see what we'd covered while deschooling today (not because I have to - just because I always find it encouraging): Biology: nature project, D&T: baking, Maths, & memory skills, all as mentioned above, plus there was Art: pictures the younger two drew for me, and English: LOTS of stories being read...
Then a lovely friend sent me a link to a really encouraging post, called What Is Deschooling... it's a great blog post in itself, which is why I have included the link, to encourage any of you who want a read.  In the post the author links to another post by Sandra Dodd, called Unschooling: You'll See It When You Believe It - and I was really drawn to a comment at the end of that post by Pam Sorooshian, who said she used to jot down what her children were busy doing, but not worrying about sorting them into subject at first.  She used to jot things down under simpler headings, such as Reading, Doing, Making, Writing, Watching, Listening, Talking, Visiting, Thinking (and she explands on each 'heading).  Some of those fit into 'school subjects', some aren't so obvious - but I can feel my brain stretching again as I ponder on how helpful it could be using those headings.  You see, I'm told that if the Local Authority contact you, they require some kind of 'Educational Philosophy' from you - some idea of how you will undertake your child's education... and as far as I'm concerned, if I cover all the traditional subjects using one method, whether it be books, computers, or me telling and the boys listening - it feels a little stifling, and would probably put me off before too long, let alone the boys! The more methods used the better - particularly when I'm still experimenting to get to know the boys' learning styles better.  So I think every now and then I might also do a quick mental checklist of the different types of learning, as well as different 'subjects' - so for example today we had Reading (in the morning and at bedtime), Making (bread), Doing (MathsWhizz & Reading Eggs on the PC, plus the boys made up a song in the car - which I had forgotten until I asked myself what 'doing' might cover), Watching (Spongebob and Backyard Science on TV), Talking and Listening (Eldest telling Middle about centrifugal force as he asked me to take the corners sharply in the car), Visiting (playpark with friends), Thinking (we have a learners clock in the kitchen from which (as I often do) I asked Middle if he could work out the time)... and more.
So, another lovely day; another train of thought to follow and see where it leads...  This is why I call Home Education a 'journey' - we are already so far from where we started, and I know we have a long way to go before we're done - but although the end destination is definitely of interest (ie all three boys being grown and equipped to pursue whatever it is that they want to do), that will then become their journey - my job IS the journey, and I fully intend to enjoy every minute of the ride!

A Day of Small Celebrations

What an exciting start to the morning!

First of all, Eldest's tooth fell out.  This may not seem much of a celebration to you, but it had been wobbling away, hanging in there for AGES!  So long in fact that the second tooth had fully grown into place behind it!  We kept having a poke, loosening it a bit at a time, and this morning it finally gave up.  Of course, Eldest is also very pleased about the £1 that the tooth-fairy-who-he-doesn't-believe-in will be bringing tonight! 

Anyway, even more exciting than that, our 'Painted Lady' butterflies emerged this morning (well, four of them did).  Three of them were already emerged when we came downstairs, and we kept popping into the kitchen to see if we could spot the next one coming out, but it did it when we weren't looking (and we were looking at least about every twenty minutes).  We were amazed by how quickly they pop out - and a bit frustrated to have missed the experience!  Ah well, if we miss the last one we'll probably get some more - it's been a fascinating experiment, and you can buy replacement caterpillars online direct from Insect Lore.  The only problem we've had was today after the butterflies had emerged, when we had to figure out a way to get some chopped up fruit into their habitat without them escaping when we unzipped the lid!  It was fun :)

 

Next we had a delivery in the post that I'd forgotten I'd sent off for - our free How Nature Works booklets from the Open University, linked to the recent BBC series, "Secrets of our Living Planet".  OK so it's a little thing to celebrate, but Eldest and I loved the TV series, and nice glossy nature booklets that we didn't have to pay for - well, they're more exciting to get through the post than bills!

Following that I received a link to a 2-for-1 offer for entry into Knebworth House (the park and gardens anyway) this weekend.  Exciting because I was after inspiration for somewhere to go, and we've been to Knebworth House before and loved it - the boys all really enjoy the dinsoaur trail, maze, train, adventure fort, giant slides etc - and now we can get in for a reduced price!  I'm holding back the excitement on this one for now though - the weather being the way it has, there's really no guarantee we'll be able to go... a Mummy can hope though...?

Finally we were inspired by a friend to do some baking.  Freshly-baked cakes are always cause for celebration in this house.  Incidentally, I love how much Maths goes into baking: Eldest measured out 70g of flour and then the electronic scales reset themselves (!) so he had to work out how much he now needed in order to have 115g in total.  Then he had a 200g bar of chocolate and needed 50g so (as the scales were failing) he needed to work out what fraction of the bar to use - and how many squares that equated to (out of 32 total squares)... great mental maths moment! Anyway, having looked through my recipe books, Eldest had decided to make Choc/orange cupcakes and Middle wanted to make Vanilla cupcakes... and as no mother likes having to referee (that's my excuse), they made a batch each!  Not convinced on the celebration front?  Let me tantalise you with some photos, so you can see why we were excited to get them into our tummies...

PS The boys may not have been particularly excited by their turns on Reading Eggs, watching Backyard Science, reading their books and playing card games etc - but I was!  Well, maybe not excited exactly, but I do love seeing how their learning is progressing naturally - especially since we're still deschooling so we are completely free from any obligation to 'work' at learning.  I do hope I can remain this chilled - we're learning LOADS as a by-product of all the fun we're having :)

Coercion versus Encouragement

I have many teacher friends, and to a person I have to say that they are dedicated, hard-working, professional, lovely people.  I have no axe to grind with teachers - I think they are doing an already difficult job in an increasingly close-to-impossible system.  The system however - well, that's a different matter.  It will be obvious to anyone who has read my blog posts that I consider the boys and I to be well rid of the 'system'  So, if I say negative stuff about school nowadays, I am absolutely not putting down the teachers involved, particuarly those who I personally know.
That said, (you knew this was coming, right?) I've been thinking... from an HE point of view, the modern education system uses what seems like a kind of lazy way to train children.  Bear with me: remember I said all the teachers I know are hard-working etc etc - and I believe that.  However, a conversation I had yesterday brought me along a certain train of thought (it's quite lengthy as I've been trying to dredge up some sort of coherence amongst all the thoughts spinning around in my head - but hold on and hopefully we'll get there in the end)...

You see, education and life in general are basically one-and-the-same.  You can't put your child's education in one box, and 'how we bring them up' in another box.  It's all the same.  The more I learn about how my children differ from each other, the more I realise that it impacts everything, not just how I take responsibility for providing each of them with an education.  Just as most parents can see the physical differences between their children, so most of us can tell the differences between what they like or dislike (eg one is dark and enjoys science; one has blue eyes and enjoys art; one has a mischievous grin and enjoys computers - etc).  That much I would consider to be fairly basic knowledge.  However, since we started out on our Home Ed journey, I have had the luxury of time to spend getting to know them on another level - ie what makes them tick; what motivates them; how do they learn.  This is NOT easy!  We've been doing this for three months now, and I feel like I'm just beginning to scratch the surface.  This is why I think deschooling is invaluable - it gives time to get to know your child again more deeply.  It's an intense (and totally rewarding) learning curve - but every time I get a new little revelation about one of the boys, it impacts everything: how we relate, how I can best inspire him, how I can help him etc.

For example, take Eldest.  Having been at school for the longest, there were many things I felt I needed to rediscover about him.  In the last three months I have realised more clearly that he is one who likes to share his experiences - he really values connection.  This impacts everything about the way we relate: if I need to deal with bad behaviour, he needs to know that I'm still on his side (so we often hug while chatting as he finds it much easier to accept what I'm saying, even when it's a correction); if he's struggling with a concept he's learning and sees me as the one with superior knowledge, it puts him off and he gives up, not even asking me - but if I draw alongside him and we learn together, he is really encouraged to persevere.  However, Middle is different.  He is Mr Focus.  Whatever he is focusing on has his entire attention.  If I need to deal with bad behaviour, I have to interrupt his pattern first - to get his attention.  I can hug him and chat as much as I like, but if I haven't helped him to switch off from whatever he's locked on to, he simply won't hear me.  Once I've helped him to switch focus (eye contact helps a lot), there is usually little else that needs addressing.  If I can get his focus on any one thing, he'll generally stick with that - whether academic learning or behaviourally.

So - there is no 'one system for all' mindset: there are as many variations in ways to train children as there are children, it would seem. And this is hard work. Even with just three children to educate, learning what makes them tick, what they like or dislike, favourite subjects, how to motivate them etc - this is all really time-intensive. Multiply that by the amount of children in an average-sized school class, and it instantly becomes untenable - and that's even before you add in all the lesson plans, evaluation forms, SATS preparation & other endless administrative demands.  So there has to be a 'one-size-fits-all' system in place to allow teachers to focus on their class's education.  Practically they just can't make allowances for individual personalities.  Even in my last school, where there was a real emphasis on treating children as individuals academically (using workbooks and one-to-one tutorials where needed to allow them to progress at their own pace), when it came to character training, they were all expected to confirm to the school system.  And basically, most school systems come down to the same system of coercion (behave as we dictate or be penalised with demerits/ time-outs etc) and bribery (if you behave well by our standards you will be rewarded with merits/ stars/ smiles).  There just isn't the time or space to allow for a child who had a sleepless night or has just hit a developmental slump, let alone someone whose personality doesn't fit easily into the acceptable-school-behaviour box.  Even SENCOs have a limited amount of leeway regarding their students' behaviour.  And this is what I consider 'lazy' (by Home Ed standards): imposing one basic system on a group of widely-differing personalities.  Forgiveable in school?  Yes: it's pretty much impossible to treat children in the class as individuals in the same way that I am learning to at home.  In class you can't have a system of demerits for the handful of children who respond to it, plus a different system for a few more etc etc.

But now we are at home?  Well, much as an easy start to the day with a lay-in and pancakes for breakfast may sound lazy to those who have to do the sergeant major bit every morning to get everyone out of the house on time, home education is not for those who like the easy option.  I feel it would be lazy of me to resort to coercing compliance out of the boys - kind of taking the easy way out by dictating obedience rather than being involved with them and encouraging them as individuals on a daily basis.  It takes dedication, hard work and patience to stay connected with them... but boy, is it ever worth it!  There may be times when I need them to respond to a short sharp "no", but generally we're in the process of renewing our minds - turning our backs on the old 'lazy' system of coercion and bribery - and instead putting the focus on encouragement.  How can I encourage my boys to overcome weaknesses, whether academic or character-wise?  Do I penalise, threaten or bribe?  Well I can, if I want to train them to conform.  But I don't - I want them to grow.  That's not to say that Hubby and I will neglect their social training either: they will be taught how to eat with cutlery, to share their possessions, to be kind etc - because all of those values are really important to us.  But when they hit difficulties as they grow, the way I behave will have a big impact - and I want to be one who has taken the time to find out how each one of them is best encouraged, whether by goal-setting, or by learning alongside, or any number of other ways that I haven't yet discovered.

Easy?  Not at all - it'll take a lifetime. I've got to say though: what a ride!