Lessons in Independence, aka "Back off, Mummy"

So much for this being an easier week!!!  I've had a couple of really big projects of my own that needed finishing off this week (that I think I must have been in denial about), and although they were my idea and I've really enjoyed doing them (and the recipients were/ will be really blessed by them), part of me was also a bit miffed by missing out on returning to the gentle pace of just hanging out with my boys, watching them grow and having fun together...
Still, the lovely thing is, we'll be able to get back to it next week.  It's not like school half-term holidays when I always used to look forward to having a rest but then the week flashed past in a whirl of 'must-do' activities, cramming in as much neglected housework, family outings and visits to friends as we possibly could, leaving us as tired, if not more tired, than we started!
Anyway, in amongst all my head-down-must-get-this-finished-ness of this week so far, there have been some absolute gems that I wanted to share.  As most HEd'ors discover at some point, when the 'primary educator' is removed, the learners don't fall into chaos as they would in a classroom setting where they rely on the grown-up to tell them what to do - no, they just adapt; they carry on learning in their own way, finding out what they want to find out for themselves.  Sometimes I think seasons of being prevented from helping/ educating/ interfering (!) are a really good thing as they allow us to see how resourceful our children really are.  Mine have been drawing, designing, doing workbooks, reading LOTS, watching fascinating documentaries (by preference over Spongebob & pals!).  Youngest turned himself into a tiger by use of a red felt pen (non-washable!)  Middle has crafter paper planes and other paper models, they have created codes, made up games with each other, and so much more that I can't remember (this is why I try to blog more often - if I leave it more than a day or two I forget all the 'wow' moments).  Oh, and on Monday Eldest finally got his wish to get on Minecraft. You know, I tried to make sense of it, I really did, but no matter how many lovely patient people tried to explain it to me, all my brain could take in was blah blah minecraft blah blah server blah single player blah classic blah blah.  The website wasn't much help either - in the end I decided it was easier to pay the £20 (just under) and just set him up as a single player until we've worked the rest out so he can play safely with friends.  Anyway, he's loving it - and it is causing his brain to learn new ways of thinking and strategising, so all is good for now.  His joy at getting Minecraft for himself may well have been the contributing factor behind my lovely start to the day yesterday...
I was about to come downstairs from getting Youngest up, when Eldest called upstairs, "not yet, Mummy - I am making a surprise for you". When I was allowed downstairs shortly after, I was ushered into the front room where Eldest and Middle assumed the "ta-da" position, pointing towards the armchair and the table next to it...

As if that weren't enough from my two biggest boys (Eldest had no sweets so Middle had freely and generously donated some from his, as well as his favourite hedgehog toy for me to cuddle), Eldest had also emptied the dishwasher without needing to be reminded AND tidied up a huge pile of mess that was on the sofa in the lounge! All for me...!  Unsolicited...!  Now, marshmallows in chocolate and sweets for breakfast aren't really my thing (not that I told them that of course), but oh boy, the love that went into that sacrificial surprise - well, I've been floating on the thought of it ever since. I have filed it carefully at the forefront of my memory to hold on to next time Eldest gets a bit hyper or pre-teenish! I have such sweet boys... :)
Eldest really is growing, and showing signs of wanting to do more things for himself.  I am used to Youngest being Mr "I can do it BY MYSELF" - such as just now when he ran into the study having taken the batteries out of his camera & telling me it needed new ones.  When I mentioned I would have a look in a minute, he decided a minute was too long to wait, so immediately went to get the batteries for himself, opened the packaging and was about to insert them without assistance.  I think I'm equal parts stressed and proud about the fact that he is only four and sees no reason why he shouldn't do everything a grown-up can - in this case I only really had to intervene because I didn't want the dead batteries getting muddled up with the new ones!  Anyway, as I said, Eldest is also now finding confidence to do things for himself - eg he showers himself now - and today he made his own Ready Brek.  I know, he's ten - some would say it's about time!  But when you have a child who's happy to let you wait on them (most often a male thing), and you have younger children who need you to still do things, you get used to just doing it all.  Anyway, all three are out there right now making their own sandwiches.  I'm not used to that yet - it makes me feel bit guilty - but I know it's a good skill for them to learn - and even Middle (who is usually really happy to let me do everything for him) likes making his own sandwiches.  I just need to bite my tongue a bit - after all, does it really matter if the butter dish looks like a grenade has gone off inside it?
Thinking about it, I guess the whole parenting (and therefore Home Educating) process is a balance of increasingly backing-off while they find their feet, while still being constantly as present as always, ready to mop up spills, comfort the disappointed, and cheer them on as they give it another go... it could be a bit sad if it weren't for the fact that I get so many cuddles, kisses, and general joy along the way...

And you think I'M mad...?

The Education System in this country is in crisis.  Insanity rules.  Take three stories from this week's news:

1 - Problem: school standards are slipping. Solution: introduce "rigorous" testing of those wanting to undergo teacher training, implying no confidence in the dedicated, over-worked and under-supported teachers we already have in place (well, Michael Gove did call them "whingers"), and also contradicting the bizarre recent suggestions that state schools should be free to employ unqualified teachers...?
2 - Problem: innocent children are being bombarded with highly sexualised images etc (you just have to watch an MTV track to acknowlege the soft porn that is rampant in just the popular music industry).  Solution: introduce 'porn' lessons in school (yes, even primary school) to help children learn to handle it!!!  I've had two days to process this particular piece of reporting and I'm still almost speechless at the stupidity of the suggestion.
3 - Problem: Ten thousand students were unfairly graded below a 'C' in their English GCSEs, negatively affecting their further education & career choices.  Solution: Do nothing about it, resulting in the exam boards being taken to court by an alliance of schools and councils, who continue to use the same exam boards while taking legal action against them!
I know many people think Home Educators are at best brave/ mad or at worst negligent/ abusive for keeping their children out of the state education system - but when I see news reports like this, I do feel vindicated.  The mischievous side of me sees a bizarre conspiracy theory: perhaps Mr Gove & pals are actually in favour of Home Education after all, and are doing their best to provoke parents to leave the struggling state system...

On a more personal level, I am glad to report we all survived Manic Week.  More than that - we all enjoyed it.  And most miraculously of all, my house survived too: I don't have to spend this weekend tidying and cleaning - now there's a result!  We're looking forward to a slightly less busy week next week... returning to our more typical HE life.  Of course, the boys have still been learning even while we've been socialising and having our version of 'half-term'.  We've had lots of reading, diary/ letter writing, drawing, exercising, creating, role play, counting - and lots and lots of playing.  Today at one point they were investigating how many revolting words they could spell out with the fridge magnets, prompted by Middle who usually leaves me loving little messages but today called me to the kitchen with suppressed giggles in anticipation of Mummy's reaction to the word he had spelled out - "vomit". He was thrilled when I dutifully hammed up my disgusted response, so of course had to work out more words to gross me out, with help from his co-conspirators!

Well, I'm off to pluck my eyebrows, lest tomorrow's photos show two hairy caterpillars crawling underneath my newly immaculate sleek & glossy fringe...  Happy weekend, everyone :)

PS just for you:  quote of the week -

"Education is a social process; education is growth; education is not a preparation for life but is life itself"
 - John Dewey

Maths Morning

It was a seemingly contradictory day today: we spent much of the morning doing practical Maths in various guises (but not Maths Whizz) - and I realised why I still feel the need to have the boys use an online Maths curriculum.  Friends who advocate 'unschooling' or child-led learning often say that Maths is everywhere, and there is no need for a curriculum.  They do have a really good point, but regular readers will know this is the area where I am least confident.  This morning's fun at least demonstrated what they are talking about...

First of all, prompted by Middle's struggles with MathsWhizz addition/ subtraction using carrying (or "regrouping" for the up-to-date among you), I had bought a set of Cuisenaire Rods (a friend was going to loan some to us but then I realised how stressed I would get desperately trying not to lose any small bits, so we found a cheapish set to buy for ourselves!).  He is such a visual learner, I think it will help him get to grips with the grouping/ carrying concept.  Anyway, he found the set of rods first thing this morning and immediately wanted a go - the bright colours appealing to his creative side and the stacking rods appealing to his love of order (this was before we even had a chance to have breakfast).  We went through the set finding out what colour all the different number-rods were, then we matched them up to see how many different ways we could make 'tens' - the teacher in my head was mentally ticking off 'number-bonds', while he was just playing and having fun!  He then progressed to using them to play a game that basically revolved around times tables - not that he knew that.  His enthusiastic squeals soon called his brothers, and next thing I knew they were all playing with "Mummy's New Maths Game" - amongst other things making one huge rod two-hundred-and-fourteen squares long (according to Eldest).

The rods had to go away for breakfast then, but were such a success, I'm confident Middle will be happy to play some more with them when we have another look at the Maths he got stuck on :)

Our next Maths encounter was a result of the car-boot sale I did at the weekend - I tipped out the coins onto the table, and the two older boys helped me sort them into piles, count the totals and bag them, ready to be banked :)

Following that, there were various maths-based games and puzzles, including Electronic Battleships (Eldest v the computer); a jigsaw puzzle aimed at 5-year-olds that Youngest did without batting an eyelid, and the Bus Stop game from Orchard Toys.   Today was also Eldest's turn to bake, and he made some scrummy Orangle Drizzle cakes (after an emergency dash to the smallholding up the road where we buy our eggs) - there's plenty of Maths to be found in measuring out ingredients, dividing cake mixture etc - and we got to eat them too... edible Maths is my favourite!

Of course, it wasn't all Maths today - Eldest (who is recovering from some nasty virus picked up this weekend) and I had some lovely snuggle time on the sofa, watching our garden wildlife - including a very shy mouse and some beautful long-tailed tits - and we all played a game or two of Animal Soundtracks (great for encouraging listening skills), and Middle and Youngest spent a fair time on Reading Eggs too!  It's just that it did help me to see how Maths really does fit naturally into our everyday lives, without them going near MathsWhizz.

So that said, why do I still feel the need for online (or even workbook-driven) curriculum, such as MathsWhizz?  Well, bearing in mind that this is still all fairly experimental (we're still in novice-territory, so may well change our mind next month/ week/ tomorrow), it was partly a conversation that I had with Hubby that crystalised my thoughts.  I can't remember how it came up, but he basically mentioned that he never learned his times tables at school (his family moved around quite a bit when he was young, so presumably it just fell by the way in one of the gaps between schools).  This was supposed to be a positive point, showing that even though he didn't complete all the basic requirements conventionally expected by a formal education, he still went on to do very well for himself (got Maths A-level, has good job etc).  On the other hand, I can vividly remember learning my times tables (mostly I remember a little green paperback book purchased for me by my Mum who wanted to help consolidate what I was presumably learning at school).  Hubby said that not having learned his times tables hadn't hindered him at all - he could still work out whatever mental maths he needed to do; it just takes him a little longer than those who had learned them (eg me).  So if I was in a situation where I needed to know - say - 6x7, I would instantly know the answer was 42.  Hubby would still get the same answer (he's a clever chap), but he would have to work it out.  Not much of a draw-back, really.  It just got me to thinking then about when I missed two weeks of secondary school due to illness, and consequently never learned how to do long division.  "No big deal" you might think, but you'd be surprised how many times it came up throughtout my adult life... not on a daily basis, but often enough to frustrate me that I couldn't do it.  It wasn't until I needed to teach my students how to do it that I finally got round to teaching myself how to do it - and now it's another skill under my belt :)  Of course, some may argue that my teaching myself is proof that my boys could teach themselves if they ever find themselves wanting to know how to do it - and they'd have a point - but all these little things come together to where I am at the moment, thinking that these maths skills traditionally learned at school actually do have value.  If we didn't have MathsWhizz, would Middle ever learn to do "regrouping/ carrying"?  Maybe, maybe not.  How about times tables or long division? If he didn't, it certainly wouldn't be the end of the world - neither Hubby nor I were held back by our learning gaps - but how many so-called 'learning gaps' am I comfortable to risk him having?  And basically, as we do have the opportunity at our fingertips for him (and his brothers) to learn those skills, as long as he is (they all are) enjoying it, we're going to make full use of the online curriculum available - and also carry on having fun seeing how Maths fits into our every day lives too... for now, anyway!  It's not a set philosophy - I certainly wouldn't try to tell anyone else they should or shouldn't do it this way... it's just a record in my diary of where we're at right now ;)

And finally: I've said this before, but was reminded again today of one of the benefits of HE.  Having had a nasty virus this weekend with accompanying alarmingly high temperature, Eldest seemed to be nicely on his way back to full health today.  Had we been in school, I might have been tempted to send him in so he didn't fall behind academically (and so I could fulfil my teaching responsibilities).  I'm so grateful we didn't even have to think about it.  Sadly we did have to cancel a visit to some lovely friends who we were looking forward to seeing - but we're hoping to reschedule soon, and I was just so grateful that Eldest was free to take the day at his own pace, learning naturally wherever he felt up to it, and resting when he needed... and of course, I was on hand to keep an eye on him, for my own peace of mind.  Thank God for Home Ed :)

PS For those who like to share such things, here are our favourite garden visitors from today...

    

Educating the Public

Well, I had my first PI today - and I think I passed!

PI?  Public Interrogation... y'know - that bit where a member of the public says (jovially enough in this case), "aren't you back in school yet?"  - and then the ensuing questions about home education.

My turn came today while we were in the barbers' shop.  The boys were desperately overdue a haircut, but I had deliberately been stalling during the school holidays until the start of term because I loathe waiting.  Actually it's not the waiting so much as the accompanying deterioration of behaviour (on the boys' behalf that is - I tend not to have tantrums in public myself)  Anyway, I digress... my cunning ploy paid off and my little mop-heads and I walked into the barbers' shop to find three barbers with empty chairs - hooray for no queues!

Well, no sooner had Youngest sat in his seat than up spoke our usually taciturn barber with the aforementioned conversation opener... I have had a version of this question posed to me before, and I always reply "No, we're home educating" - but this was the first time that that had ever been followed by anything other than a polite but vacant smile (you know the sort: the 'sounds-interesting-but-I'm-not-going-to-pursue-it-in-case-the-woman-turns-out-to-be-a-nutcase' smile).   Mr Barber did look slightly taken aback, but then announced that he had had about five customers this Monday who, when he asked if they were going back to school the next day, gave the reply 'no, we home educate'!  He was amazed how many of us there were!  (So if you're reading this and your child(ren) had their hair cut in Knebworth this week, well done on spreading the message! ;) )

So anyway, the interrogation went something like this:

Question 1: "how come state teachers have to train for years if you (the general 'you'' - not specifically me) can do it with no training?" To which I answered that much of the state's training goes into class control, lesson planning, assessments, national curriculum, trying to get children to listen etc etc - all of which is irrelevant when I'm at home with my children who I understand better than anyone else, and who are free to pursue the things that really matter to them.

Question 2: "so what about their friends?  Don't they get bored and lonely?" My answer to that was that he himself had just commented how many people were home educating in Hertfordshire - we have plenty of opportunity to meet up with people of all different ages, which provides great play (and learning) opportunities AND helps their confidence in more natural circumstances.

He'd obviously been thinking about it for a few days since his last batch of Home Ed'ors, because the next couple of questions were unexpected...

Question 3: "Do you get paid for doing it?" Me: "nope - no financial support at all".

Question 4: "So what about school trips then?  Don't they miss out?" My answer: home educators get discounts at some places, but we don't miss out at all. I mean, we always had to pay for school trips when the boys were in school anyway - this way we get to go to places off-peak - and we generally visit loads more places than the boys ever did in school (and many of those places are free or not too costly).

That made up most of our conversation.  I really felt good about having been interrogated and not feelinng like I didn't know what to say.  I could possibly think of better answers if I wasn't on the spot, but I was just happy that I didn't dry up or get defensive.  You could tell it was a bit out of his comfort zone, but even though some of his questions sounded a bit negative, I think it's always best to assume that people aren't trying to be offensive - it's just that having their assumptions challenged can throw people to the point where they forget social convention.  To be honest, I prefer a real conversation where someone feels welcomed to ask questions than the blank smiling (dismissive)nod.  Who knows who Mr Barber might speak to somewhere in the future who might then be encouraged to home educate.  After all, I know lots of parents are happy with the school system, and that's great for them - but what about the parents whose children are deeply unhappy at school but they don't know there's an alternative that they might want be able to choose!

So just in case anyone reading this hasn't seen it yet, I'm including a link that I've shared before - it's to the 'Home Ed Awareness Campaign" here that a few of us were involved in for this purpose: not to tell everyone they should home educate - that would be ridiculous (and I don't do "should"s anyway) - but to let people know it's an option, as many people clearly still don't know.  Please do share the link - and next time you get a PI, I hope you can just enjoy the conversation as much as I did today :)

Gentle Planning

A much nicer day today (not so flobberly!)  I was woken up by youngest bringing a little lego man into bed with me, who (the lego man) proceeded to shoot me while Youngest warmed up his freezing feet on my legs - yikes!!!  Apparently the lego man was shooting me to show how much he loved me, which seems a strange way of showing it - but actually it made for about fifteen minutes of really nice play-time together, before Middle and Eldest realised we were having fun and came in to bundle on the bed.  I could only take five minutes of being treated as a trampoline, so then we all had to get up, but I did appreciate once more the opportunity to get up gradually and have fun together, rather than having to stress about being up "in time" for anything.

Downstairs, I resisted the temptation to put the laptop on (lately it had become my first port of call for weather forecasts, news headlines and other 'necessary' information, invariably leading to e-mails, Facebook or other similar time-wasting opportunities), and had a nice breakfast with the boys before heading back up to their rooms for some much needed training in tidying-up.  Said tidying-up was a bit of a tortuous process - I kept catching myself putting things away instead of talking the boys through it.  Eldest's room wasn't too bad (it had been the guest room for our recent visitors), so I left him to it and he did a really good job once he got past the distraction of the lego on the floor that was crying out to be played with.  Middle and Youngest eventually did a very good job too, once I sat on my hands to stop myself doing it for them!  There was an awful lot of me counting "3...2...1..." out loud as a way of helping them to focus on picking something up and deciding where it needed to go - but I realised that actually they do know how to tidy: they knew where everything belonged, they just needed help with concentrating on the job at hand.  I don't think they could have done it by themselves yet in the same way as their big brother - if I'd left them to it I think they would instantly have got distracted & started playing... but they did tidy up their whole room with very little exertion from me (other than the frustration of having to keep counting aloud).  So that was a successful time from my perspective.

Once the bedrooms were tidy we all went out for a walk to the park, and they had a lovely time letting off steam in the sunshine.  I got to play with my gorgeous boys and had a bit of one-on-one time with each of them, and they generally had lots of fun in the fresh air, making up imaginative games and getting exercise - happy times :)

This afternoon I had a little chat with the boys about what they wanted to learn this term - it felt weird putting it like that: in retrospect I wouldn't have used the word 'term' as it feels too schoolish and restrictive, but never mind - they weren't too put off by it.  Middle was fastest to respond: he said he wanted to learn cooking and cursive, and when I suggested Maths Whizz he graciously condescended to agree to doing a "little bit" (!)... and some Reading Eggs too... and to learn reading, which surprised me.  When I pointed out that he already knew how to read (in fact he reads very well indeed), he replied "yes, but not big books like you and (Eldest) read... I want to learn to read big books".  While this might sound like it would be music to my ears, I am slightly baffled as to what the difference is in his mind - and what his perceived barrier is (is he discouraged by comparing himself to bookaholics?).   I couldn't press him on the matter too much as I didn't want him to think it's a bigger deal than it is - but hopefully I'll find out any issues he might be having as we go along.  Anyway, I'm hoping that by presenting him with books that will stretch him a bit, he'll be happy with his progress... watch this space!

Not to be left out, Youngest announced that he wanted to do "Reading Eggs and playing with things" - well that really is music to my ears: I think we can easily facilitate that ;)

However, Eldest wasn't as forthcoming as his brothers with things he wanted to learn next... maybe he needs more time to deschool?  Anyway, after a few prompts from me he did express strong enthusiasm for baking, experiments and anything to do with the World Wars - and agreed with less enthusiasm to do some MathsWhizz ("but not too much"!)

It does seem that Maths still holds negative connotations for both the older boys - maybe because it's the only thing we carried on with that looks vaguely school-related... it has made me question again how structured or autonomous I want us to be.  Our first term of deschooling (once I worked out that that was what we needed) was really successful over all, I think.  Through a bit of strewing and giving them the freedom to follow their own inspiration, they had many great experiences, learned LOTS, and most importantly, relaxed - and I'd be totally happy to carry on in the same way, but for this one small concern: is their current reluctance for Maths a result of my inability to lay it totally down last term?  I have to admit that even though we were deschooling, I did gently encourage the boys regarding MathsWhizz (and Reading Eggs for Middle - Youngest needed no persuasion), albeit with only occasional resistence.

I've often heard it said though that most Home Educators start off a lot more structured than they end up, and it's not like my boys have been scarred-for-life through a little required Maths practice; they're just not as keen on it as other things, which is fine.  I figure we'll just carry on as we are and as we grow in confidence maybe I'll lay that security blanket of Maths-curriculum down - or maybe I'll stop fretting about it and grow in confidence that I do know what's best for my children.  Who knows?  I'm not going to let it stress me out though - I'm just going to keep an eye on it as we go along.  It's not like we're making legally-binding plans, I'm just making note of our ideas because it's nice to have a sense of gentle direction.  One of the things I love about HE is that if our plans turn out not to suit us at all, we can change direction in the blink of an eye.  Gently does it :)

Cleaning Classes (and Cake)

I rain out of time to post yesterday, but we had a lovely day & there was something that I wanted to write down...

This week's been a bit tricky so far because I've been feeling pretty unwell with some kind of summer virus thing, and I knew we had a friend coming to stay (she arrived yesterday) so I wanted to get the house ready for her.  Unfortunately the illness left me feeling to drained to do anything so I spent two days just trying to supervise the boys from the sofa as much as possible (LOTS of Wii-playing and TV-watching - oh well, at least they enjoyed it, and it was only a couple of days).  Yesterday I finally started to feel halfway back to normal but quickly realised I still wasn't up to cleaning the whole house in a single morning, so had to make do with doing the bits the boys couldn't safely do, and then sitting on chairs/ beds and directing the boys.

You know what?  It was actually a bit of a revelation.  A friend and I had already been chatting about how we both felt the need this "term" to be training our boys (she has two boys too) in practical things like cleaning, tidying, general housework.  As I blogged the other day, I just can't carry it all by myself - but it's not just using the boys as free labour; I really want to train them in positive life-skills.  While I was sat on the bed talking Eldest through making his bed I realised that I have been doing everyone a huge disservice by assuming the role of she-who-does-everything.   It is actually ironically lazy of me to wear myself out doing all the work - just because it's EASIER than training the boys.  It's much harder to train others to do what I can do without really thinking about it - it takes an investment of time and patience to impart practical hands-on skills - but it is so worth it!  Somewhere down the line it will save time and stress when the boys are in the habit of tidying up after themselves.  Right now I have to accept it will take an input of more work to teach them - but that's OK, there's purpose to it :)

Anyway, so yesterday morning we between us got the house not perfect as I would have liked, but clean enough to welcome a guest.  In the rest of our time we chatted about the Netherlands (my friend is Dutch) and made an awesome (if I do say so myself) welcome cake in the shape of an owl - recipe here...

So that was my thoughts from yesterday - and hey, I managed to keep it brief! *pats self on back*  We're off out for a walk now, so until the next time...

Why so Stressed?

*WARNING: this blog post contains vast generalisations - do not read if sensitive to such things*

So, having had a lovely holiday - change of scenery, glorious weather, the lot - and having had a few days back at home of not doing very much in particular, I've been mulling over why I felt so stressed before - after all, if I can change anything so it doesn't happen again, that would be really helpful for the sake of my own sanity, and the well-being of those around me (because nobody benefits when Mummy is being a grumpy old bag)!  There are a couple of things that have stood out to me that I can change:

Firstly, housework.  I realised I've never before been in the position of being at home with three lively mess-makers full-time.  I absolutely LOVE having them here, and wouldn't change that for the world - but the mess situation (i.e. having to deal with it every day) - well, I know how poor old Sisyphus felt.  Home Ed is not an eternal punishment, but the housework sure feels like it.  So I figure we need to find new ways of dealing with it.  A friend of mine is a big fan of Fly Lady - and I have to say, I am looking at her website again with interest.  I had a go at using her system before, but I really struggled with her obsession for polishing taps and wearing shoes to do housework.  I have always preferred going barefoot (didn't wear shoes at all for several years in my late teens) and last time I attempted a Fly Lady routine I had enamel taps - so we just got off to a bad start.  This time I figure I'll just ignore the shoe obsession, and see what other help she can give me.  Whether I stick to a Fly Lady system or not though, I really do need some kind of routine.  Eg I find if I don't make a habit of loading the dishwasher & laundry first thing, it doesn't happen.  I also neeed to get the boys used to helping as routine, not just on the occasions when I remember to ask them.  That's probably going to be my next project.

Secondly, I have left one or two HE forums that I was member of but which I realised were dragging me down.  Don't get me wrong: I'm still an advocate of finding support online - Facebook groups being my most loved method - I'm still member of a local group where the Home Edders who I have personally met also belong (to a person they are lovely and encouraging people who are great to hang out with).  I'm also a member of a national group which is really helpful for keeping up to date with important news, like the current proposed developments in Wales, putting a large group initiative together such as this HE Awareness campaign (thanks Chez for organising us all), and also when in need of general advice/ encouragement.  However, there was another group where there was some interaction that was getting me down, as I felt I couldn't say what I thought without others 'having a go'.  Healthy debate I have no problem with, but I won't stick around if it feels personal.  You see, people who choose home education for their children are generally pretty strong individuals - they have to be, to be willing to 'go against the flow' of what is considered normal.  This strength is an awesome gift, but has its negative side.  Strong opinions and forceful personalities can come across as intolerance online, where no matter how many emoticons you use it's still really easy to misinterpret the perceived tone of voice behind the text.  Anyway my life is 'interesting' enough without stressing myself out by arguing with people I don't really know.
There seem to be four main groups that Home Educators fall into: the "hippies" or free-thinkers (many of whom never put their child into school); those with Special Needs children; those whose children were let down by the school system (which often includes but is not exclusive to children with special needs); and those doing it for reasons of faith.  Obviously there are also those who don't fit into any group, and those who fit into more than one (including my family).  Forgive the vast and loose generalisations, but I wanted to avoid going into unnecessary detail, just to make my point.  Point being, we may have Home Education in common, and the necessary strength required to be able to follow that path, but that doesn't mean we will all agree.  Those who have a strong faith may well clash with the free-thinkers; those with special needs children may feel misunderstood by those with "normal" children (whatever normal means).  Also within all of these groups there are other sub-sets - those who see the LA as the enemy; those who believe monitoring has validity, and those who are ambivalent.  The nastiest fights I have seen online has been when the LA issue was raised, so I'm going to say no more on that subject for now (though I have blogged about it before, and doubtless will do so again another day).  There are also differences between those who follow a structured course of HE; those who are completely autonomous, and those somewhere in the middle.  This brings me to the third area that caused me stress - NOT (I hasten to add) because of any individual person demanding that I conform to a particular way, but because the perceived over all impression that fully autonomous is the "best" way to do it.  It's hard to put my finger on how or where I deduced that, but for me it was summed up when a friend decided to go vegetarian for a while (excuse the seeming digression), and was quickly told by some presumably well-meaning but judgemental friend (my words not hers) that she wasn't doing it 'properly'.  It's like there is a kind of hierarchy where the bottom tier is made of those who eat meat but make sure it's all organic, free-range etc.  The next tier up don't eat meat but do eat fish... then come those who don't eat fish but do eat dairy... and then on the top are the morally superior vegans who (if they choose) can look down on the rest just trying to do their best and live their lives the way that works for them. (Sorry vegans, those of you who I know are lovely and non judgemental - again, I'm just trying to make a point).  Anyway, when my friend shared her struggle with the 'vegetarian' label I realised that I have been struggling with the whole "autonomous" label.  I don't want to announce that we are Autonomous Home Educators, because I have this feeling that people will be watching (partly my own fault for having a blog and inviting people to watch), and will judge that we're not doing "autonomous" properly - enter another moral hierarchy, starting with those on the bottom who are 'using structured curricula but at least their kids aren't in school', to those at the top who are fully autonomous, don't tell their kids what to do, yet still have beautifully behaved, rounded, well-educated children.
Let me just pause to say I KNOW this is utterly ridiculous.  None of the Home Edders I have met have given me any reason to believe that they are judging the way my boys are learning (apart from one light-hearted comment about being watched to see how a 'teacher' does HE).  So why do I feel criticised?  Yes there's the blog (again, my own fault) - but it's not just that.  I don't think I'm the only one who feels this way - I've seen other people almost apologising for using a kind of structure, Anyway, blah-de-blah...  That was a long-winded waffle about why I got stressed.  Somehow I had formed a perception of a general consensus that there is a moral rectitude in autonomous education that gets diluted the more structure you introduce.  I know this is utter piffle, but I know others have felt it too - and that is my reason for writing: to expose it as the bunkum it is - so I can come back to this next time I get stressed and read the following note to myself (and anyone else who needs it):

"You do not have to choose any one method of Home Educating.  In fact the most effective form of Home Education seems to be utterly flexible, moving between autonomy, structure and anything else that helps each child to find, develop and express themselves.  You do not have to limit yourself to any one way of learning - nor restrict each child to a certain way of learning.  Just as with age they change and grow into different sizes of clothing, the older they get so will their learning needs change.  Read the blogs and books that encourage you and that give you ideas to try - but hold it all loosely.  You do not have to copy someone else (education is neither a race nor a competition).  Follow your instincts and your children's needs at the time.  You'll never have this time with them again - enjoy!"

End-of-term Reports

I put a slightly facetious status on my Facebook page yesterday,  saying "well my children all got a glowing report from their teacher... maybe we ought to go and buy her a pressie... ;)" - and then I got to thinking... 'why not? It could be fun'  So, please excuse the shameless indulging in biased pride at my gorgeous boys, but here they are: our family's 'school reports' from the first term of home education (I was going to do three separate reports, which would have felt more 'authentic', but there would have been a lot of repetition, plus my document settings kept messing about, so this is the best I could do)...

FAMILY HOME-SCHOOL REPORT - SUMMER 2012

OK so I really got into that - but once I started I just kept thinking of more and more things that we'd done - I'm sure there's loads that I've missed out still.  And the best thing is, all of this (or most of it at least) happened while we were deschooling!  I'm kind of overwhelmed by how much education has been going on under my nose!  The only problem is (if you can call it that), if this is the end of term, what about all the learning that is undoubtedly coming up over the summer holidays?  Maybe we'll have to have End-of-holiday Reports in September too!  It's fine if I do though - I can honestly say that (apart from the technical battle over document settings) I've never enjoyed writing school reports so much! :)

Sunshine and Food for Thought

What a difference some good weather makes!  Not that we've had a bad week in itself, 'cos we haven't.  It's just that we've all really had enough of being stuck indoors.  Twice yesterday I looked out of the window to see the sun shining, but as soon as I told the boys they could go outside and play on the trampoline, it started raining - the first time it rained the exact second that eldest stepped outside (I'm not exaggerating), the second time they didn't even get their shoes on before the rain started again :(
So this morning (as with most mornings) it was with trepidation that I checked the forecast to find nothing but white clouds and yellow suns!  Hooray!  When I told the boys it was going to be sunny all day, Middle looked at me with wide incredulous eyes and asked, "really?"  Bless him - I felt like saying "when I was a little girl they used to do real summers when the sun shone nearly every day!" That may be rose-tinted nostalgia for you, but I don't ever remember a summer as wet as this one has been so far...
Anyway, we were all heartened by the good weather and decided today would be a good day to let our butterflies out into the big wide world (rather than tomorrow when the forecast is less bright). So even though we still have one left in chrysalis form, we set the others free - it felt mean keeping them trapped indoors now they have beautiful wings to use. Before we let them out, we did get to see them using their long curled proboscis to drink from the orange segments we put in their 'garden', so we felt we'd probably learned as much as we could for now.

  

butterfly feeding from orange       remaining (very dark) chrysalis

 

being released: posing on edge of net...    before flying to the nearest hedge

Being in positive sunny mood, we also re-attempted the bread rolls that went so badly the other day.  No problems this time - perfect result! Even better, they had cooled down just in time for lunch - yum!  Warm, buttered, freshly-baked bread has to be one of my top favourite foods :) 

While the dough was proving, Eldest went on Maths Whizz while Middle, Youngest and I played on Middle's Brainbox 'My First Pictures' game.  It's basically a memory game - they do a whole series of games about Nature, Maths, History etc etc - you have to memorise the facts or pictures that appear on the cards then answer a question about it without looking.  Lovely games, but not that easy!  Both the boys did really well (we allowed Youngest double time to look at the picture because of his age) - I think we might get some more from the series - their brains were well exercised and it was fun (they especially like it when Mummy gets one wrong). :)

This afternoon, we left our single chrysalis behind and went to the park.  It was a risk, because it (the chrysalis) had gone really dark so I felt it would be emerging any minute, and we did really want to see it come out, as we'd missed the others.  There was no way we were going to miss the only few hours of sunner this week though (we'll get more caterpillars if necessary), so we headed to one of the boys' favourite local parks with some friends... it felt really good to see them running about and playing together while us Mums (and Dad) chatted, all soaking up the sunshine and getting some fresh air... at LAST!  And of course, it wouldn't be play outdoors if they didn't get completely covered in mud from the puddles there... I am so grateful for baths and washing machines!

So anyway, once the boys were all in bed and I settled on my laptop with the rain pattering once more (sigh) against the window, I was going through my usual kind of mental checklist to see what we'd covered while deschooling today (not because I have to - just because I always find it encouraging): Biology: nature project, D&T: baking, Maths, & memory skills, all as mentioned above, plus there was Art: pictures the younger two drew for me, and English: LOTS of stories being read...
Then a lovely friend sent me a link to a really encouraging post, called What Is Deschooling... it's a great blog post in itself, which is why I have included the link, to encourage any of you who want a read.  In the post the author links to another post by Sandra Dodd, called Unschooling: You'll See It When You Believe It - and I was really drawn to a comment at the end of that post by Pam Sorooshian, who said she used to jot down what her children were busy doing, but not worrying about sorting them into subject at first.  She used to jot things down under simpler headings, such as Reading, Doing, Making, Writing, Watching, Listening, Talking, Visiting, Thinking (and she explands on each 'heading).  Some of those fit into 'school subjects', some aren't so obvious - but I can feel my brain stretching again as I ponder on how helpful it could be using those headings.  You see, I'm told that if the Local Authority contact you, they require some kind of 'Educational Philosophy' from you - some idea of how you will undertake your child's education... and as far as I'm concerned, if I cover all the traditional subjects using one method, whether it be books, computers, or me telling and the boys listening - it feels a little stifling, and would probably put me off before too long, let alone the boys! The more methods used the better - particularly when I'm still experimenting to get to know the boys' learning styles better.  So I think every now and then I might also do a quick mental checklist of the different types of learning, as well as different 'subjects' - so for example today we had Reading (in the morning and at bedtime), Making (bread), Doing (MathsWhizz & Reading Eggs on the PC, plus the boys made up a song in the car - which I had forgotten until I asked myself what 'doing' might cover), Watching (Spongebob and Backyard Science on TV), Talking and Listening (Eldest telling Middle about centrifugal force as he asked me to take the corners sharply in the car), Visiting (playpark with friends), Thinking (we have a learners clock in the kitchen from which (as I often do) I asked Middle if he could work out the time)... and more.
So, another lovely day; another train of thought to follow and see where it leads...  This is why I call Home Education a 'journey' - we are already so far from where we started, and I know we have a long way to go before we're done - but although the end destination is definitely of interest (ie all three boys being grown and equipped to pursue whatever it is that they want to do), that will then become their journey - my job IS the journey, and I fully intend to enjoy every minute of the ride!

Coercion versus Encouragement

I have many teacher friends, and to a person I have to say that they are dedicated, hard-working, professional, lovely people.  I have no axe to grind with teachers - I think they are doing an already difficult job in an increasingly close-to-impossible system.  The system however - well, that's a different matter.  It will be obvious to anyone who has read my blog posts that I consider the boys and I to be well rid of the 'system'  So, if I say negative stuff about school nowadays, I am absolutely not putting down the teachers involved, particuarly those who I personally know.
That said, (you knew this was coming, right?) I've been thinking... from an HE point of view, the modern education system uses what seems like a kind of lazy way to train children.  Bear with me: remember I said all the teachers I know are hard-working etc etc - and I believe that.  However, a conversation I had yesterday brought me along a certain train of thought (it's quite lengthy as I've been trying to dredge up some sort of coherence amongst all the thoughts spinning around in my head - but hold on and hopefully we'll get there in the end)...

You see, education and life in general are basically one-and-the-same.  You can't put your child's education in one box, and 'how we bring them up' in another box.  It's all the same.  The more I learn about how my children differ from each other, the more I realise that it impacts everything, not just how I take responsibility for providing each of them with an education.  Just as most parents can see the physical differences between their children, so most of us can tell the differences between what they like or dislike (eg one is dark and enjoys science; one has blue eyes and enjoys art; one has a mischievous grin and enjoys computers - etc).  That much I would consider to be fairly basic knowledge.  However, since we started out on our Home Ed journey, I have had the luxury of time to spend getting to know them on another level - ie what makes them tick; what motivates them; how do they learn.  This is NOT easy!  We've been doing this for three months now, and I feel like I'm just beginning to scratch the surface.  This is why I think deschooling is invaluable - it gives time to get to know your child again more deeply.  It's an intense (and totally rewarding) learning curve - but every time I get a new little revelation about one of the boys, it impacts everything: how we relate, how I can best inspire him, how I can help him etc.

For example, take Eldest.  Having been at school for the longest, there were many things I felt I needed to rediscover about him.  In the last three months I have realised more clearly that he is one who likes to share his experiences - he really values connection.  This impacts everything about the way we relate: if I need to deal with bad behaviour, he needs to know that I'm still on his side (so we often hug while chatting as he finds it much easier to accept what I'm saying, even when it's a correction); if he's struggling with a concept he's learning and sees me as the one with superior knowledge, it puts him off and he gives up, not even asking me - but if I draw alongside him and we learn together, he is really encouraged to persevere.  However, Middle is different.  He is Mr Focus.  Whatever he is focusing on has his entire attention.  If I need to deal with bad behaviour, I have to interrupt his pattern first - to get his attention.  I can hug him and chat as much as I like, but if I haven't helped him to switch off from whatever he's locked on to, he simply won't hear me.  Once I've helped him to switch focus (eye contact helps a lot), there is usually little else that needs addressing.  If I can get his focus on any one thing, he'll generally stick with that - whether academic learning or behaviourally.

So - there is no 'one system for all' mindset: there are as many variations in ways to train children as there are children, it would seem. And this is hard work. Even with just three children to educate, learning what makes them tick, what they like or dislike, favourite subjects, how to motivate them etc - this is all really time-intensive. Multiply that by the amount of children in an average-sized school class, and it instantly becomes untenable - and that's even before you add in all the lesson plans, evaluation forms, SATS preparation & other endless administrative demands.  So there has to be a 'one-size-fits-all' system in place to allow teachers to focus on their class's education.  Practically they just can't make allowances for individual personalities.  Even in my last school, where there was a real emphasis on treating children as individuals academically (using workbooks and one-to-one tutorials where needed to allow them to progress at their own pace), when it came to character training, they were all expected to confirm to the school system.  And basically, most school systems come down to the same system of coercion (behave as we dictate or be penalised with demerits/ time-outs etc) and bribery (if you behave well by our standards you will be rewarded with merits/ stars/ smiles).  There just isn't the time or space to allow for a child who had a sleepless night or has just hit a developmental slump, let alone someone whose personality doesn't fit easily into the acceptable-school-behaviour box.  Even SENCOs have a limited amount of leeway regarding their students' behaviour.  And this is what I consider 'lazy' (by Home Ed standards): imposing one basic system on a group of widely-differing personalities.  Forgiveable in school?  Yes: it's pretty much impossible to treat children in the class as individuals in the same way that I am learning to at home.  In class you can't have a system of demerits for the handful of children who respond to it, plus a different system for a few more etc etc.

But now we are at home?  Well, much as an easy start to the day with a lay-in and pancakes for breakfast may sound lazy to those who have to do the sergeant major bit every morning to get everyone out of the house on time, home education is not for those who like the easy option.  I feel it would be lazy of me to resort to coercing compliance out of the boys - kind of taking the easy way out by dictating obedience rather than being involved with them and encouraging them as individuals on a daily basis.  It takes dedication, hard work and patience to stay connected with them... but boy, is it ever worth it!  There may be times when I need them to respond to a short sharp "no", but generally we're in the process of renewing our minds - turning our backs on the old 'lazy' system of coercion and bribery - and instead putting the focus on encouragement.  How can I encourage my boys to overcome weaknesses, whether academic or character-wise?  Do I penalise, threaten or bribe?  Well I can, if I want to train them to conform.  But I don't - I want them to grow.  That's not to say that Hubby and I will neglect their social training either: they will be taught how to eat with cutlery, to share their possessions, to be kind etc - because all of those values are really important to us.  But when they hit difficulties as they grow, the way I behave will have a big impact - and I want to be one who has taken the time to find out how each one of them is best encouraged, whether by goal-setting, or by learning alongside, or any number of other ways that I haven't yet discovered.

Easy?  Not at all - it'll take a lifetime. I've got to say though: what a ride!

Society gone insane

It's not often that I get a bee in my bonnet, politically speaking, but this has really got my goat...

Insurance millionaire Theodore Agnew has donated enough money to a school in Great Yarmouth to enable the school's year five and year six students to stay at school until 6pm every weekday (and when I said 'enable' - it's not an optional after-school club - it's timetabled education for every student).  Not only that, but after October, the plan is for years three and four to join in as well - that's a 9-hour working day for a seven-year old (leaving them too exhausted to concentrate, and with barely enough time to eat tea before going to bed once they get home from school every day)!  Read the story here.  Michael Gove, this country's Education Secretary (who has never been a teacher, nor does he have children of his own, from what I can make out) has said this is a "brilliant idea"!!!  I was temporarily rendered speechless by the sheer scale of this insanity.  However, the speechlessness has worn off, so I figure "it's my blog and I'll rant if I want to"

What on earth is our society coming to?  I mean, ok - not everyone has the ability or the desire to home educate.  There are two types of parents apparently - those who breathe a sigh of relief when the school holidays are over and the children go back to school, and those (most home educators fit here) who miss their children while they're not at home.  I'm definitely the latter, but I'm not passing judgement on the former type: it doesn't make me a better or worse parent - just a different one.   But I think we all agree that children need their families.  In most cases it's true that both parents need to work so they can afford the cost of living, and obviously most families arrange that so that the working hours of at least one parent fall inside school hours - not least because the cost of after-school care is extortionate, but also because as parents who love our children we know it's good for our children's sense of security and well-being to have time chatting with them about their day, helping them with homework, sharing a nutritious meal around the table, even - dare I say it - playing with them.  And all I remember from our own school days was how frantic it all was, trying to fit it into the couple of hours I did have with them between the school-run and bedtime.  Yet somehow Mr Agnew, Mr Gove and Mr Holledge (the headmaster at the school concerned) are all patting themselves on the back for providing a way for children to spend even more time away from their families!  Michael Gove was quoted as saying, "It also helps parents, actually, making it easier for them to get promoted at work or move jobs in the town".  How did our society ever get to the place where promotion was more important than family values?  Have none of them ever heard of the famous quote, "On their deathbed, no one ever said, 'I wish I had spent more time with my business.'."  The reasoning behind this quote is that we all know what matters far, far more than success in business is building strong family relationships, raising our children to be stable, well-rounded members of society.  Research has repeatedly shown this to be so - a good example of this being the article, A Wise Investment: Benefits From Families Spending Time Together.  Some, but not all, of the points raised cite sharing 'religious activities' together as being beneficial, but even if that doesn't apply to you (and I doubt it would impress Messrs Gove et al), the other points are still really pertinent.  I was particularly drawn to the fourth point: "Children’s academic success is associated with having mothers who frequently communicated with them."  That's mothers - not teachers or even well-meaning headmasters!!!  Academic success is not down to children being segregated from their families and kept at school for longer hours so they can have horse-riding lessons!
This ludicrous scheme is apparently being so well-received because of the poverty of the area that the school is in.  These supposedly educated men think that by taking already deprived children away from their families for even longer hours every day, they are somehow going to give them a better future.  (For those of you who are wondering, yes I know there are some poor families where neglect and abuse mean that the child is deprived of the kind of family support that I'm talking about - but there are also some wealthy families where the same can be said - and anyway, that's a matter for the welfare system, not the education system.)  As a society we need to be pouring money into building families, not giving them more reasons to spend time apart!  David Cameron said he was going to invest in families as the "building blocks of a strong, cohesive society".  Well, tell that to the Education Secretary!!!  If we're serious about investing in familes, and we have parents who are so poor that they have to work a nine-hour day in order to survive, we need to be looking at better ways to support them in the family - and that's not by treating the children as a problem to be removed so that the parents can earn more money.  Children need time at home with family - they do not need a 45-hour working week!!!

Rant over - for now ;)