Thursday, 20 December 2012

Things I Learned Today

I learned a few things today, some of which have changed the way I see things.  As you will know if you read yesterday's post, I have been feeling bad about how stressed I've been, shouting at the children at times etc.  Last night I was asking myself why I was so stressed, and came to the conclusion that as I didn't stop to process the whole asthma thing with Youngest when it happened, I just went into 'coping mode', and since the nurse has now said it was probably just a viral wheeze, not full-on asthma, maybe I'm just dealing with delayed stress.  Anyway, I was telling that to a friend this morning and I learned again the value of friendship, epsecially with people who know a bit of your history.  She looked straight at me and said, "well it is that time of year" - and the penny dropped.  You see, I've had two miscarriages - the first one saw me in hospital on Christmas Eve, with the staff trying to stop the hemorrhaging while a band played 'Away in a Manger' to the ward outside my room.  The second one was my baby whose due date was Christmas Eve.  So - it's a difficult time of year for me, and although I made a conscious choice at the time that I refuse to let all my Christmases be ruined for the sake of my children and everyone around me, it is true to say that every year the grief sneaks up and bites me on the bum, so to speak.  Grief manifests in so many different ways for every person, but for me in this case, it usually appears as a build-up of stress that sneaks up on me subconsciously, until I register what's going on, acknowledge my babies who aren't with me (usually have a little weep), and then usually feel more peaceful again.  So I learned again that it's time to be kind to myself.

I've learned that those who truly love you are really accepting of you, just the way you are - and boy, do I appreciate that!

I learned that even when you go back to the dentist to have another mould made for your new crown, it still doesn't guarantee that it will fit well.

I also learned that I've been so busy and preoccupied that I've gone and missed the last posting date for Christmas cards!  I guess our friends and relatives are going to be getting late ones this year.  Kicking myself a bit, but there's nothing I can do about it now  - I'm going to be kind to myself!

I learned that cancer isn't that easy to get rid of (not me, but a family member)

I learned that when someone shouts at Eldest, he looks like he's not bothered, but his behaviour goes a bit loopy afterwards.  I learned that when someone shouts at Middle, he takes it on himself to try to make everyone happy again (such a middle child thing!).  While this understanding makes me sad (especially in the light of this week), all understanding of how your child works is a positive thing.  I'm not going to give myself a hard time about the past few days, I'm being kind to myself - and actually, that makes it so much easier to be extra kind to the boys too.

So I'm taking a break (I learned that lesson in the summer, and am revisiting now).  Our holidays don't look all that different from term-time - the boys will still be free to explore and create wherever inspiration takes them, but I will be relaxing the expectation on the boys to do Maths-Whizz/ Reading Eggs, and basically just not being so much 'on duty', feeling the need to be aware of their 'learning' all the time.  Also I'm going to have time off blogging - simply because we're going to be very busy for a week or so now...

So that's me, I'm off for a bit.  I know this post hasn't been all sunshine and laughter, but don't worry, I have three 'babies' here to cuddle, I have good friends and family around me - and as Christians, it is a blessing for us spiritually too... and I simply love it!  So I leave you with my Christmas gift to you: the easiest recipe in the world for making a last-minute tasty snack (we made them the other day & were very glad we did - yummy)!

Cheat's Cheese Straws

ready-made puff pastry
bowl of grated cheese

Heat the oven to 180C (ish)

1) roll the puff pastry into a rectangle shape
2) sprinkle grated cheese over half the pastry
3) fold it in half
4) repeat steps 1, 2 and 3 a few times
5) cut into straws or use pastry cutters to make shapes
6) bake for about 10 mins, or until they look cooked (golden-brown on top)

Try not to eat them all at once.

So wherever you are, and whatever you're dong, I hope you all have a happy Christmas, and a prosperous New Year!  See you in 2013...

PS This will make you laugh: I also learned that if you try to blog while making the tea, you could end up with soggy pasta and burnt pasta sauce!  Merry Christmas everyone :) xxx


  1. I can only imagine how difficult this time of year must be for you. Sending virtual hugs and hope you all have a peaceful Christmas and new year.
    R xx

    1. Thank you Rachel :) Hugging you back & hoping you have the best of Christmases too and a prosperous 2013! Glad to have met you on here! :)
      love Rachel x